Please go back to the office...

[Helenj1977]

Anyone hating their dp working from home? It was nice at first (in March) but he's still home.

24/7 he's with me and the kids. I don't think our relationship will cope much longer. His office is 'Covid safe', our older kids are in school, why can't he go back to work 😭

Anyone else?

Yeah maybe you should go back to work then 😂 Leave him the house to work in!

I have to work at home with my husband in a tiny flat - we’ve made it like a little office - loving working with him everyday to be honest we have a lovely routine on the go!

It is a bit of a foretaste of retirement...

Generally it’s a positive that dh is at home but.... does he have to be in quite so much?! BC (before Covid) dh had a nighttime hobby so I had the remote control to myself for at least three evenings a week. Now television is always a compromise. And I think we’ve watched nearly every series ever made.

This is why people have sheds, isn’t it?

Mine went in the loft yesterday. I briefly considered removing the ladder and closing the hatch!

@IrmaFayLear I think the hobbies thing affects us too. Pre-COVID DH had sports training two evenings a week and I had classes that I used to go to once a week and would see friends another night of the week (things like cinema, pubs for a quiet drink etc). All that's on hold and has been for months now so not only are both at home full time, we're missing our hobbies/time alone at home to just chill when the other is out.

I'm making it sound like I can't stand him, which isn't true at all. I love the bones of the (annoying) man. But we're literally under the same roof pretty much 24/7 and have been since March and I don't think many relationships would be feeling 100% with that to contend with!

dh and I both work from home.

He has done for years and in the early days kids were little/pre-school. So HE found it hard to work when the house was full of kids/play dates/mums caming over etc.

So we made a really good office for him, upstairs and he had ot close the door. Door closed, kids not allowed in. he did strict office hours in his office, 8:30 - 6:00 most days. Comes down for coffee, and for lunch.

So now, I also work,and kids are teens, I get the whoel house and he gets his office

But seriously, dh having a work space where he works is the key to us both working together from home

Doesn't bode well for retirement!

@steppemum

dh and I both work from home.

He has done for years and in the early days kids were little/pre-school. So HE found it hard to work when the house was full of kids/play dates/mums caming over etc.

So we made a really good office for him, upstairs and he had ot close the door. Door closed, kids not allowed in. he did strict office hours in his office, 8:30 - 6:00 most days. Comes down for coffee, and for lunch.

So now, I also work,and kids are teens, I get the whoel house and he gets his office

But seriously, dh having a work space where he works is the key to us both working together from home

“But seriously, dh having a work space where he works is the key to us both working together from home”

Yes, that is the game-changer, isn’t it?

OP, is anything like that possible?

and it isn't just working from home.

In a normal week, I go out, he goes out and we take kids to various things, socialising, etc.

The trouble at the moment is that we are all at home all the time

I love some of these replies 😂

My dd is only napping for an hour a day and I fear will drop it soon. That too was 'my time'. Dp talks to me when she naps now. I DON'T WANT TO TALK, I WANT QUIET.

I'm too used to my own company.

I think, when you're a sahp, quiet time on your own becomes a real luxury. Because we're always 'on', always being clambered on, always wiping a bum, always getting a drink, always answering 'Mummy mummy mummy mummy'. Basically a glorified slave to small people. I love that, generally, it's why I chose to be at home but those odd hours where the house is just empty and silent is just utter bliss.

To have that whipped away is difficult!

I'm not a SAHP I wfh. But I wfh pt since 2019. So I was here first dh is definitely encroaching in my patch. He is also daring to use our one car. He believed we share this car except I never agreed to share it.
He got the train Monday to Friday and was never here to use it so I lived my life as I wanted to instead of now working around whatever he's planned into his day that requires it.

Ok ok I'm joking about sharing honestly I'm not though this doesn't suit me at all

We are very lucky As we have a lot of space. Without that I'm not sure we'd have got through this.

This op could have been written by DP. I am
The Intruder
I used to be out of the house 7:30-16:30 Mon-Fri. Because he works shifts, he’d usually have a couple of days at home to himself.
No more!!! Now I’m always here . I have no choice, no option to go back to the office. I’m trying to be as non invasive as possible, for example I don’t kindly supervise him when he’s cleaning. Nevertheless, I am still there. I think he is struggling a little bit. I have purposely gone out and worked at a cafe a few times just to give him some space.

In short, YANBU. I can see how it’s a complete PITA for you. Just wanted to offer some different perspective.

Mine has gone back 3 days a week. The advice is “if you can work”. We’ve got a 3yr old and an 8 month old in a flat, he finds it impossible to work when we’re all here. His office have been fine with him coming in. He cycles there and back and it’s all very Covid secure.
I’m loving the having the days back to myself!

Mine has been much better since I spat out my dummy about him spreading out of his office, and could be found working randomly in the living room, dining room or kitchen. I told him he needed to pick a room a day, let me get what I needed out of it and I'd leave him to it, but I couldn't cope with him ALWAYS being where I wanted to do stuff.
However after 4 months of him residing in the office mainly, I've got myself a job out of the house... let's see what next month brings!

I'm still working from home. The family kitchen is now my office. Today I was trying to work with DH chuntering on about firesticks and trying to set one up, DS making breakfast and Dd helpfully putting the washing machine on. Its shit for everyone. The office is Covid compliant but Scot Gov wont let us back to work. We are all at breaking point

@sunflowershine

Yes yes yes OP! My DH has gone from being out of the house 7am - 7pm five days a week to being at home full time. I never minded doing everything during the week, it worked.

There are massive pros to him WFH. He has lost 2.5 hours a day commuting time, time that he now spends with the children (they're 4 and 2). He stops work almost every night to read them a story at bedtime. He gives them breakfast and does their baths. So I love that.

BUT he is here ALL DAY LONG. My god. I didn't sign up to being a sahm with him here all day under my feet with his 'helpful suggestions' for added efficiency, or asking questions all the time. For example questioning why the dishwasher goes on twice a day (why do you think?!) why parcels are always arriving, what are they? (Christmas shopping, i always do it all online from September he's just not normally here to see it all arriving). Where me and 2yr old are going (for a walk!) Leaving lunch mess in my clean kitchen, coming in at lunchtime and putting bloody sky sports news on while I'm trying to have ten minutes peace and quiet. Argh. I'm used to just getting on!

I'm a real introvert, my 2 year old still naps two hours a day and that was my time. Now he's here! Talking to me all the time.

I know it's a first world problem and I know we are more fortunate that lots of others because he can work perfectly fine from home, and we have a decent office space. I'm glad we're able to cut his contact with people and as such, be safer. But he will likely never go back full time. I'm counting the days until this bloody pandemic is over and he goes back 2/3 days a week.

i could have written this! Exactly the same situation! My DH was back to office x2 week over the summer and that was perfect balance but now it's back home full time

Yes. I believe we have spent more time in the same house since March than we have in the 15 years we have known each other.
He sneaks into the kitchen making me jump, he leaves dirty crockery everywhere, and makes a mess in general. I can't get up into his office to vacuum or clean it. He doesn't seem to mind sitting in a pile of dust, crisp packets, and dirty plates.
It is so weird him being here but cannot watch DD for an hour because he is working. I think lack of hobbies is a big one. He barely leaves the house now and I have nowhere to go either so we're just stuck here.
I seem to end up making him breakfast along with DD which he eats and runs off up to his office leaving me with his mess. Arrrrrgghh.

@SnowWhite33 My DH had a project through September that meant he had to go in for pre-booked days 1-2 days a week. It was bliss! Felt like a 'normal' day, I got DD1 off to school, came home with DD2 and just got on with my day without him under my feet. Put the children to bed in the evening, cooked dinner in beautiful silence and then actually looked forward to him coming home to spend the evening with me.

No more projects this side of Christmas, sadly!

@Helenj1977 I would SO love to hear from you with an update now !! Your post has really spoken to me as this is literally our situation too! For the whole of 2020 I feel like we coped really well as a couple and managed to stay upbeat and motivated throughout - it got towards the end of 2020 and early 2021 when we both started to get twitchy because the constant company was too much! No privacy or seperation at all!! We are looking to move house now for more space which is keeping us occupied and positive but MY GOODNESS this is hard !!

I’m pleased mine has gone back! He whinges all the time wanting me to fetch him coffee and food. He thinks he can just shout down the stairs that he wants a cuppa and I’ll make it. He gets in the way in the morning at the exact time when I need access to the bathroom and at lunchtime when I need to use the kitchen. When DC are at home they know he’s in the spare bedroom and they keep trying to go in to see him, and crying when I stop them. We have to be quiet all day, and he complains if he thinks they’ve been watching tv for too long, or if they’re crying he comes downstairs and questions my parenting. So glad he’s gone back to the office because the house is vacant for me to get on with stuff without being hassled and judged!

@anon2244660011 This is my new name!!

A lot has happened since this thread 😂 We moved house in January and one of the first things we did was put a proper office in for dp!! It’s not in the main house so lovely!! We are expecting another baby and i find I look forward to his lunch breaks now!!

He is back in the office two days a week and I do look forward to those days! They’re my lazy days so i don’t feel guilty for watching films with dd all day! Not that he cares!

Funny actually how it’s changed. Dd did drop her nap and i think that changed things.

I think we’ve adjusted properly now and it’s much better with his office being out of the way x