Feeling like a rubbish mum

[SophieB0012]

Hi,

I just want some reassurance today that I’m not the only one feeling like a rubbish mum. I’ve got a nearly 3 year old DD and 6 week old DS. My husband has been back at work a while now after his paternity leave and I’ve taken over all the nights with DS. My husband is fantastic and tries to help out as much as possible but he works 10 hours a day, 6 days a week so I try to limit him having to get up at night as much as I possibly can.

I just can’t be bothered today. My DD is so bright and needs constant stimulation, she literally doesn’t stop talking all day and sometimes I just find it so draining. And then I feel guilty for even feeling this way. DS is currently just a typical 6 week old, cries cries cries unless I’m holding him and I really struggle to get out of the house with all of us. I’m really missing the freedom of having just one toddler to deal with, I used to take her all over the place and always get out, but now with DS and especially with all the covid restrictions it’s all so hard. I’m absolutely exhausted and I just want to bury my head in my covers (which are constantly on the sofa at the moment as I sleep downstairs with DS so my husband can sleep for work). I can barely even be bothered to speak today. Of course I do when my DD speaks to me but I feel so bad for not playing and being silly. I just want out today

Aww OP hugs for you!

Firstly why the hell are you sleeping on the sofa? 6 weeks PP? You need proper sleep in a bed. Is there no other alternatives? Has your DH complained that you getting up disturbs him?

Secondly it’s so worth the effort to get out and feel like part of the world. Put baby in a sling, put DDs wellies on and just go for it you won’t regret it. Do you have family close by that can help?

The fact that you even took the time to write this post proves you are not a bad Mum.Cant imagine what your going through.Dont be so hard on your self your only human.When we are sleep deprived everything always seems worse that what it is we are not human.You are still adjusting to having 2 give it a bit more time and your will bed fine.I promise you will have better days.Try and do something for yourself you deserve it

@FlorenceNightshade are only human*

Bless you. You are tired. You need to get into a routine which will only be possible when you start to get a handle on sleeping habits. Just take it one day at a time and do not worry about getting out. Involve your little one with the care of the baby so she feels important and a help to mummy.
Don't worry. It's worse for you than it would normally be. Lockdown has a lot to answer for

I know this feeling all so well! My ds is now 5 months old and DD is 3 years old. But when he was 0-8 weeks old he was exactly the same. Turned out he had silent reflux and I was sleeping on the sofa too so my husband could sleep. When I finally moved back into the bedroom when the baby started to be more content around 7/8 weeks it made everything alot better! Lack of sleep is the worst and can make the most patient person turn into their worst selves. My dd is also absolutely wild and needs to be doing something all the time so that's exhausting but it definitely gets better! Just think they will only get easier now as the days go by and they will never be the same again. I've invested in water proofs and thermals for this winter as I expect we are about to go into a local lockdown and our only sanity will come from walks and going outside. It's alot of effort but wrap up the kids and get yourself outside for some fresh air. Motherhood is hardwork sometimes, that's why we have wine! X

You are NOT a rubbish mum. I have days like this too and I'm sure lots of us do, just maybe aren't brave enough to admit it. Don't pressurise yourself too much, I have a 2.5. Yr old and a 7 month old and remember those early days all too well- just do what you need to do to get through the day. You're doing great. Unmumsnetty X

We all have days similar or like this OP. Cut yourself some slack. Talk to female friends and ask on MN as you are.

I had a very much smaller age gap with my two, DH was out 12 hours a day 5 days a week with no family support. He had a long so I did all the getting up 7 days a week without a break. It was bloody hard work but I didn’t have covid to contend with.

You will get there. I actually found it easier going back to work part time however tired I was and how expensive childcare was. Although you may not be able to consider this at all or for sometime.
I also tried to be as organised as possible but don’t make things any harder than they needed to be with my second. Let and encourage your eldest to watch some Tv, play or build something whilst you are seeing to the little one and let your household standards slide its not the end of the world.

Most importantly force yourself to shower and try to get out everyday if you are able to even if you can’t go to soft play, playgroups or whatever. You can still maybe go for walks, go to feed ducks, collect leaves, mess about in the garden etc etc. Getting outdoors helped me feel better and with the fresh air I slept better and felt less like the walls were closing in on me and outside the youngest slept more so I could concentrate more on the oldest or loose myself in my thoughts. Also eventually if you have a good routine on an evening with regular bed times in time you maybe able to relax on an evening and have some me time and some adult time with DH.
I am now menopausal and scarily mum to two teenagers and my DD really makes me feel like the worst mum in the world most days I am not joking. Last night and today I felt like crying and running away with her awful attitude and hatred towards me but I gave myself a shake and got on with it.
Looking back however hard the baby and toddler years were they were easier to handle than the teen years have been with DD since March.
Take care OP. 💐

Oh my god thank you so much for all the lovely replies!

My husband did the night last night for me so I feel much better. In reply to the first comment I sleep on the sofa because he disturbs me! Haha. He’s a snorer and it drives me mad and also I don’t want that waking the baby up. I’m going to attempt the park this morning to get us all out.

I knew it was going to be hard having a baby and a toddler, but I had completely forgotten how terrible sleep deprivation makes you feel! Its torture!

@SophieB0012 there's definitely a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture on SAS who dares wins (and real life
🙈). I hope today was a bit easier! 🤞🏼