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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

WWYD?

5 replies

JanewaysBun · 12/08/2020 20:09

Hello all.
I wanted to ask the opinions of SAHP about what you would do in my shoes 're return to work... I'm going mad! Wanted a SAHP opinion as normally on MN the consensus is always to work but I think that's because there s so many whop who recommend what they are doing.

Due back from 2nd mat leave soon. Have been offered 2 days a week (max I ever want to work til DD is at uni so I can still be there for them etc)

Pay - it technically costs me to go to work until next April when I get my 15 hrs. Then I just about break even. I could technically put my whole wage in my pension and pay out of DH's wages though which would be a break even of sorts.

dh earns decent salary so my salary doesn't really come into it (and will stay out of mortgage stuff etc as I'm thinking if I need to pay for private school at some point I can just go FT and pay for it out of my wage, which I don't want to ideally as prefer state and not FT work!!)

Job - nothing spectacular but I have lots of friends there. My boss is keen to make it work for me to return as I've had good reviews etc. No room for promotion really but I plan to study a bit when DD is at nursery school and maybe something more interesting after.

Reasons to return
1 To give me some "me time",
2 a sense of this is the thing I do- does that make sense? Not a purpose but similar
3 Gives me motivation to be really full on the days I have the kids as I don't get stuck in a "meh" rut
4 socialising with colleagues, esp if I can have Friday as a working day.

5 a rest!
6 won't feel too guilty shopping as I'm technically earning,
7 DS needs to do at least 1 day a week at nursery anyway as it really helps his speech delay so I don't need to factor him in (he currently does 2 full days).
8 Gives my brain a workout
9 Can use the gym at lunch
10 Healthcare included which is mildly useful
11 dd is very clingy, maybe this will be good for her?
12 I always stress about money even though we don't need to so this might help me not stress

Cons -
1 time will go too quick and my baby will be grown up,
2 I'll miss her too much, she will miss me too much,
3 If I return I might forget to evaluate if I want to leave or not and Ill just stick with the status quo and then realise I've missed out
4 I might decide to have another baby because I've missed out on DD's baby hood (nearly 1 atm) - I do acknowledge this last point is crazy btw.

Basicslly I'm thinking to return for a month or 2 and see how I feel as it's easier to quit than find a new job. But what would you do??? I keep having sleepless nights as I HATE deciding things lol

I'm just not sure if I want to keep DD my baby forever as she s my last so maybe that's clouding my judgement.... she still seems so tiny Sad

When I was working between the DC I felt mildly depressed as i missed him.so much but j was pregnant so was focusing on "powering through", also was FT.

OP posts:
JoJoSM2 · 13/08/2020 13:26

I think you’ll be far from missing out if you work 2 days a week and spend 5 days a week with your children.

I’m a SAHM and don’t work at all but still send DS to nursery so I have time for hobbies and some space.

I think that’s only healthy.

Mintjulia · 13/08/2020 13:36

I’d do the two days. It gives you variety, a future income, skills etc. and contact with friends and colleagues.

Temple29 · 13/08/2020 14:00

I would work the 2 days in your shoes. I think it’s better for your mental health to have time for yourself.

I felt I wanted to stay home with DS but had to return full time to apply for our mortgage. Now pregnant with DS2 and I’ll return 3 days a week next April for more of a balance.

JanewaysBun · 13/08/2020 14:34

Thank you all, I had a chat with DH last night and he said to go for it for the reasons you've stated above.

Xx

OP posts:
HelloRose · 22/08/2020 08:45

I was hoping to go back to work 2 days a week on basis it was only 8days a month that I wouldn't be spending with ds. Unfortunately my employer couldn't support it and wanted me back 4 days. I left and now SAHM. A lot of my for/against easons were similar to yours
2 days is a nice balance I think. If your employer can support it that's great. You can always leave if you're not enjoying it.

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