Feeling left behind- all my friends are working

[LetTheBirdsSing]

Just wondering if anyone feels the same as me. SAHM to a two year old and a baby. Becoming a SAHM wasn’t planned- previous employer wouldn’t let me go part time and going back full time would have been very, very difficult due to commute and childcare pick ups/drop offs. DH and I also planned to try to have a small age gap between DCs so I didn’t feel happy applying for a new job only to be potentially going on maternity leave very soon afterwards.

Everyone I know has returned to work after having children. Plans to try to meet other SAHMs at baby groups have obviously been scuppered by the Covid19 situation.

I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone anymore, and I’m feeling really left behind in life. I have been stuck at home for months with no mental stimulation and I feel like I have nothing interesting to say. I am not really enjoying being a SAHM at the moment, although I guess who is right now.

Is anyone else in a similar boat?

I am in the same boat. I was temping before becoming pregnant because I knew my pregnancy would be difficult.

I thought I might start looking for work after my child turned one but nursery fees are more than I would earn and of course everyone is looking for a job at the moment.

I feel exactly the same about having nothing interesting to say and all my friends are too busy with work to talk anyway. I feel like this is turning me into a "bad" mother as I am not as engaged with my child and end up turning on the TV for longer than I should.

My husband is working from home at the moment but it hurts a bit that I know he would rather be out at the office. So I want him to be happy but I know I will be even lonelier when he goes back.

Fingers crossed it gets better for you!

@hypatiently so sorry to hear that you’re in the same boat (although at the same time it is good to hear from someone who understands how I’m feeling).

I am often very, very bored and long for adult conversation and the stimulation of work. I am so contrary though because the thought of now being around my DC every day also makes me feel really sad.

Hi
I feel the same way. I was working part-time until I had dc2 and manager wanted to change my hours and rules relating to holidays which they were entitled to do. I had just started looking for work when I became pregnant with dc3. The job I went for - there were loads of applications (term time only etc. etc.)

I totally get that left behind feeling. I have had children later than my friends who either work or do the paperwork relating to their husband's business so are kept busy.

In the meantime, I have also lost a lot of confidence. Added to that the latest situation and I know it is going to be difficult to find work (I also want minimal hours so lots of requirements). I don't know what the answer is. Fortunately, I stumbled on engrossing hobby and may develop another one but the difficulty is, they don't bring me into contact with others much. I may end up doing voluntary work just to get out of the house and weave in a bit more exercise either by joining a gym and/or joining a walking group. I am too young to retire (another 20 years before official retirement age) but feel as if that is what has happened - I have retired very early.

Sometimes I regret giving up my job but then I remember how I would see less of the dcs and not be there for them. I remember my mother working after school/weekends and it really affected me (but in actual fact there were other factors and we didn't have a good relationship anyway) and this has affected my decision to stop work.

No answers but in the same boat. Interested to hear what others have to say. You might want to also post in chat for more traffic.

It struck me when the current situation actually left me feeling less isolated! I was going to toddler groups a few times a week but never really developed friendships except in one of the groups. I think this made me feel even more alone in some respects. DC would nap sometimes and we wouldn't even make it along to the group.

Oh wow I could of written this post myself. Exactly the same boat. However allot of my friends wish they weren't working. I think you just have to be comfortable with your decision and not worry about what everyone else is doing it's not about them it's about you and what you're happy doing. If you're not happy as a sahp then look for some part time work. How would you feel if one of your friends was a sahp? Better? You have to distinguish whether you're only feeling like this and not enjoying being a sahp because you're choosing different and you're not doing what everyone else is doing. Don't worry about them just do what makes you happy.

You're not alone. I'm also SAHM to a 2 year old. This was planned and I enjoy being a sahm, it was the right decision for my family but I also feel left behind sometimes. It's hard because everyone's situation is different, I have one other mum friend who is SAHM, the rest all work part time while their children are at nursery or childminders. It's tough but it's what works for each family. If you want to return to work, is it possible to look for something part time?

Lottie, I think you're right in a way:

you have to distinguish whether you're only feeling like this and not enjoying being a sahp because you're choosing different and you're not doing what everyone else is doing. Don't worry about them just do what makes you happy.

If for the sake of argument, I had 10 friends who were sahm, I think we could find things to do with our time far more easier. It is the feeling that everyone is occupied doing 'something'. One of my friends always seems to have little time because they are busy (working for their dh's business etc.). I've realised how isolated I've become during covid. Weirdly, I began to see more of my friends because they had more time. I think I need to do something to remain active be it voluntary work or part-time work (some sort of structure). I really do get that left behind feeling. Returning home with pre-schooler after school run and everyone seems to have gone somewhere (to some sort of p/t job mainly). But low and behold with covid, I began to feel like I fitted into society a lot more. Of course the situation would have been different 50 years ago, when there were a lot more mums at home.

Have you visited the facebook page/website of the Darling Academy? It is set up by a mum who chooses to be a sahm having given up her career. Whilst I don't want to be a long-term sahm, I do feel it slightly comforting that people choose to live this way as for me, I have always received the message growing up that I must work (in a paid capacity). Obviously, this doesn't work for everyone because we need money to live but being a bit older now (I have had last 2 dc later), money is no longer the main driver (but would like to have a p/t job for my own self-esteem eventually).

I'm dreading the result of covid - finding p/t work is likely to be harder than ever, hoping to strike lucky but considering other avenues like developing my hobbies in the meantime.