SAHM-can I have flexibility?

[goldenochre]

So lockdown had me thinking. I'll give a quick background..

I am currently a SAHM and have a 3yr old and 4 month old. Before i had kids i worked in Investment management(you know.. boring but great pay!) and i thought kids will be a good break from my quite stressful job. I quit my job after my first baby and thought i'll pick up after my second. Now that I have 2, it feels impossible to go back to work!

DH and I dont have family in UK and if they come over to help with childcare they'll have to stay with us and we'll have to really change how we live right now(privacy, space, mum issues etc 😂). So the mums i know have a balance between shift work, nursery, grandparents so its nice split. We on the other hand have my sons nursery and nothing else. Anything we add just will be hired help. My job opportunities are mostly in london and the commute takes half an hour one way. I will be able to get flexible working but with nursery times and a baby i am struggling to think if it will work 😣 maybe its lockdown brain i dont know.

Previously at my job, i leave home at 7 and come back at 7. DH mostly works from home and goes to office 1/2 a week but he may have to change jobs very soon.

Tell me will it work? And if it does i am aware it will only by putting more money on childcare but i am thinking if its just worth it? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Can you afford two in nursery?
I have 1 child currently- by the time I finish Mat leave with my second (currently pregnant) my eldest will be in school.
When my first started nursery, I cut down to 4.5 days working, 1 day at home (worked that morning from home). 2.5 days in nursery and the remaining time with my husband who could work his hours round being at home. Our nursery runs 7.30-6, (my commute Into London is just over an hr), would your work allow you to leave early/start late for drop offs and pick ups?
I actually think school will be a bigger issue than nursery as they start later and finish earlier.

We now have 15 hrs free for my first so second in nursery will work(provided i go back to work)..

I quit my job but i wont have much problem finding work and mostly get flexible working.

Your reply is very helpful. And you are right the school timing will be an issue 😑 i might have to think of childminder for that but feel soo guilty when they are so young 😣

I think emotionally i am taking it bit hard

Hope you are doing well with your bump xx

I applied for reduced hours when I was due to go back to work with my second - we have a slightly smaller age gap than you. It was rejected, and so we muddled through with us both working FT.
It started falling apart when our oldest started school, and i quit work when the second started school. The juggling at that stage was crazy (we were down to the stage where DH would be on his way to the airport as i was landing sort of crazy), and when combined with school, it was more stress than it was worth.
We are now 5 years down the line, and I've half heartedly been looking. I've had some interviews, but not got anything (which has actually been a blessing these last 3 months, but hopefully nothing like the covid lockdown will happen again!).
So, things I would consider:
The cost of two in nursery is £££££. We were still better off both working and paying for nursery tho.
Nursery is MUCH simpler than school.
Will you be able to get back in after a few years out? The fact that you mention flexibility is possible is an improvement on my choices.
If you can get e.g. 3 days, and your husband can do the nursery runs on those days by working at home, that sounds like a pretty good combination to me.

It’s really shit OP- it’s usually a choice between fucking up Your career or live with daily mother guilt isn’t it.
I hope the good thing to come out of covid is that far more companies are comfortable with working from home, flexible hrs, job shares etc. I think it would be worth looking at the job market to see what’s available, fortunately your commute isn’t that long. One colleague of mine does 2 days from
home and the other days does 8-4 so she can then pick up her children from after school club.
We have no grandparent help either so I appreciate it’s hard.
Thanks for your well wishes x

@anonononon your flexitimes being rejected by employer is horrible. I do think they'll wake up once lockdown is done.. theres soo much "frowned upon" on the WFH pre lockdown so 🤞🏼 it wont be an issue in future.
Yes, its going to be a lot of money for childcare but i am not sure how much i'll be paid when i go back so its really down to that i guess. Sometimes its cheaper being at home, so bittersweet.
Thank you, its now clear DH and i'll have to tag team on the nursery/school run

@OnlyFoolsnMothers yes the guilt is real! Its not their fault we chose to move to another country so I feel really sad for them, on top of that i am thinking of a nursery option the cycle goes on.

All your replies are helping thank you so much!

And i am glad more employers are open to "return to work" programmes

Have to add,

When DS was 2 i had to reject a flexible work just because i couldnt financially makeup for the nursery cost,commute time, public transport it didnt add up for any gain. ☹️ it doesnt help that i live in zone 9 😑

How about a nanny? It sounds like it could be affordable in your line of work and would be so much less stressful than dashing to and from drop offs and pick ups. I was in a not dissimilar position to you, I decided not to go back to work and remain as a SAHM for now, but a nanny would have been the only way we could really have made it work.

The best set up I've seen amongst my friends who both work full time and use nursery is a couple who stagger their hours - one works 8-4 and then does pick up, the other works 10-6 and drops off. They often have to work at home in the evenings too, but the routine works well for them.

Nanny sounds good! I think they stay with the family?

Your friends arrangement sounds fab and ideally i would prefer to have both of us kind of covering the time with our kids.

Its like you never know how much you can juggle until you do! Before kids i was so busy i didnt think i had time for anything. First child i thought my world was falling apart! Second, i am lucky if i get to shower 🙄😐 and yet, every one is alive and well 😁

I used a nursery 2 days a week and a childminder 3 days a week and that gave us flexibility as the childminder was happy to work later hours than nursery and start earlier. It was also great because when they started school they went to the same childminder who had them before schools and she collected them from school too.

My family are abroad and my DH's so far away in the Uk they would not have been a feasible option ( which to be honest they would not have been even if they lived next door!)

It can be done but your DH has to step up too, the responsibility for collection etc needs to be split between you.

I think either a nanny or you both have jobs with reasonably predictable hours and one of you does morning drop off and the other evening pick up.

Isn’t a nanny a hassle in terms of NI contributions and benefits ie. pension, if they were to get pregnant

@SeasonFinale I know what you mean! DH has been super helpful and im sure whatever the arrangement it will be a yes from his side. It helps that his employer is a small company and these things get across quickly and they do accommodate sometimes without us asking.

Seems like a balance of childminder and nursery might be a good option, will give us a breathing space.

Ive also been dreaming about a job locally but unless i have a healthcare related experience i dont think there are much options 🙈

Thanks