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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

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Original poster

Finding working and parenting hard

22 replies

SnowWhite26 · 14/03/2020 19:56

Hi.
So I have a 4.5 year old and a 18 month old. My 4 year old is going to school in sept. I work as a nursery nurse min wage 13 hours (2 days a week) i like the job but my patience with the children isnt great. I wana be at home with my children as they are young and look after house etc...we dont pay childcare costs as grandparents have them but I feeling really stressed and think that if i can have 2 days extra to shop clean be with kids then it will be much less stress for us all at the weekend with hubby. I have tried to talk to him but hes against it. I don't really bring a significant amount of money in its just for extras really and i Could easily shop more effectively and think about it more if i had time. I just feel over my head. I get angry and the put me on abti depressants but i dont feel i need them i feel i need the job pressure taken away so i can focus on the family. I would def go back to work in the future but My husband wont really consider my point of view. I dunno what to do. Any advice? Thanks

OP posts:

beloved1988 · 14/03/2020 20:09

Hi,

Does your husband earn a lot? If not would you be able to claim universal credit as a top up?

You sound quite low and it's sad your husband won't even consider it.

beloved1988 · 14/03/2020 20:11

I also get what you mean about not feeling the need for the antidepressants as your mood is caused by the situation rather than chemical imbalance but they still may be beneficial to you

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/03/2020 20:13

It's a big burden for families to rely solely on one income. I can understand your dh doesn't want to be the sole earner.

It's nice to want to be at home FT with the dc but it's not possible for everyone.

If you feel like the job isn't for you could you look for somethi g else?

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 14/03/2020 20:18

I understand that to bernadette my job is ok but its I really dont bring in loads its not enough for household stuff its just little extras we always have money left
He earns well and we could live off his income for a little while.

OP posts:

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 15/03/2020 07:50

Anyone else any advice?

OP posts:

ChainsawBear · 15/03/2020 07:53

But you're only working 13 hours a week..? How much stress can be generated by two short days, and relieved by stopping them? How much shopping and cleaning do you have to do that you can't fit into the other five days?

If it would be a net reduction in your household income then I think your DH has the right to say he won't agree.

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 15/03/2020 09:26

I no. But I want to be there for my little ones whilst theumy are little as well

OP posts:

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/03/2020 09:31

Don't we all though?

Meanwhile, in the real world....

miccymaccy · 15/03/2020 09:39

Imagine how those of us who have to work full time feel!

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 15/03/2020 09:39

How much dp you all work? I just dont Bring much in

OP posts:

ChainsawBear · 15/03/2020 09:43

But you are there for them. You're only working 2 short days!

Frankly your mental health and your refusal to take the ADs sounds like much more the issue than the fact that you work. Stopping work may well make your MH worse.

Ylvamoon · 15/03/2020 09:48

Please don't give up work. At the moment it's difficult, I understand that. But you only do 13 hours and I think it's durable with 2 very young DC. The key is being organised.
Because there will be a time when you want / need to increase your hours, you need to pay for your children like activities, clothes, school stuff, holidays... - then you need to think about your financial future like a pension.
Being in employment will make it easier to gain different or better paid employment in the future. Give up now and you will be looking at low paid jobs in 5/6 years time when you want/ need the extra money.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/03/2020 09:53

I work FT. Part of that is we need the income. The other part is I need to maintain some sort of independence.

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 15/03/2020 11:22

Yeah I guess. Its hard when they are young and knowing whats best

OP posts:

AnneJeanne · 15/03/2020 11:27

If you are able to work then you should work. You and your husband absolutely must support your children. The benefits system shouldn’t be for people who just don’t want to work.

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 15/03/2020 11:34

What are you unable to do in 3 days during the week that you have to carry into the weekend?

Surely 3 days is enough for you to get errands, housework and shopping done.

I have worked full time since DD was 9 months so can't relate at all to your situation.

DH and I find time to get through the house hold stuff in the evenings when DD is asleep,the only job we have to do at the weekend is the food shopping which we do between 8am and 10am Saturday morning then the rest of the weekend is family time.

DD helps with food cooking and light housework like keeping her room tidy, because she should and take part in those activities to learn how to do it so she grows up to be a competent adult, not because there's no other time. We could do it when she's asleep or playing but choose to involve her.

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 15/03/2020 12:20

But dont u miss being with the children and if u had the choice and Could be more cateful so not nesserarly go on holiday etc just for a few years wouldn't you?

OP posts:

lazylinguist · 15/03/2020 12:28

Tbh if you're only working 13 hours a week, then you are spending lots of time with the dc while they are little. It's not fair to make your dh sole breadwinner if this isn't what you've agreed on as a couple. 5 days a week seems plenty for keeping the house in order.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/03/2020 12:29

But dont u miss being with the children and if u had the choice and Could be more cateful so not nesserarly go on holiday etc just for a few years wouldn't you?

We are as careful as we can be. We've been abroad once in 10 years. We don't shop for pleasure. We don't have anything at home that we don't need or use all the time.

Yes, I'd like to works little less (not be out of work though). But none of us are suffering from we working ft. Including the dc.

And I wouldn't burden my husband with some responsibility for paying the bills regardless. Nor would I take myself out of the working market for fear of not being able to get back in if I needed (e.g. if he left me).

Squeekybummum · 15/07/2020 07:09

Hi op what did you decide to do? I'm sort of in the same boat as you. Work in child care, work 3 long days and have 3 children. Im so stressed out when I'm in work it's so hard.
I have been furloughed so looking at returning to work soon but I'm absolutely dreading it. Have asked my boss if I can reduce hours, she said no. Husband said for me to leave, he would love me to be a sahm but I worry about money. Just so hard to decide.

Winifredgoose · 15/07/2020 07:20

It sounds to me like you don't enjoy the job. Is there nothing else you could do? If you are earning the minimum wage, you could work in a supermarket etc and maybe not find it so stressful.
Working 2 days a week seems a good balance and not unreasonable to expect from your partner, especially as your children are getting looked after by family for free.
However, if your family really don't need the income, maybe try talking to your husband about how unhappy you are in the job. Maybe you could compromise that you will get a job when your 18 month old starts nursery.
Does your husband help you at home. He should be pulling his weight and not expecting you to do everything because you only work 2 days. Looking after 2 children at those ages is v tiring and a job in itself.
I hope you find a way to feel happier soon.

Winifredgoose · 15/07/2020 07:21

Sorry should have read full thread! Just seen it's old. Hope something has changed.

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