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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

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Original poster

Judged for having days at home.

28 replies

Lottiebugz22 · 24/02/2020 00:56

We don't go out all the time. Sometimes we stay home and watch films or do some painting etc especially if it's raining.
A neighbour of mine made a comment about me needing to get out as I've been in all day. A family member said similar. Why is it so wrong just to have a day at home. I feel like people are making comments allot lately especially sahp comments like I should be going back to work now etc. It's annoying me that people feel comfortable enough to state their negative opinions to me. How do I let these things stop bothering me. It's quite often that I've had comments off various people the past 3 months or so.

OP posts:

AmazingGreats · 24/02/2020 01:10

Normally when somebody says something that bothers us it's because we think there might be some truth in it. We ask ourselves: could they be right? Could I be wrong? Is what I'm doing normal or not? Should I be doing things differently?
So work out your answers. If you know you are truly happy in your choices, it's much easier to say "I'm glad that works for you, but I'm happy with things the way they are" or just nod your head, smile politely and then do what you were planning to in the first place anyway.
You can't please all the people all of the time. So let them do them and you do you.

Original poster

Lottiebugz22 · 24/02/2020 01:17

You're right I have questioned myself lately and because I'm getting these comments. It's since my daughter turned 1. I didn't feel this way before and now it's really nagging at me hence why I'm writing this at silly o clock

OP posts:

TheoneandObi · 24/02/2020 02:27

Days at home with DC are bliss and good for one and all

whatswithtodaytoday · 24/02/2020 02:30

Personally I have to get outside every day or I go stir crazy. Maybe they feel the same? It's been rare I've had a whole day inside while on mat leave.

Ryantrain · 24/02/2020 03:10

Christ shes only 1! You dont need to get out daily. For me i stay in when im depressed. If all is fine then ignore.

Original poster

Lottiebugz22 · 24/02/2020 07:55

I'm not usually home it's been due to the weather and just lately I thought why not as I've enjoyed it and as soon I do it the comments start coming thick and fast. I should just ignore it but I've felt really annoyed by it.

OP posts:

Josette77 · 24/02/2020 14:20

How often do you stay in all day? I'm someone who had to get out each day especially when ds was younger.

Josette77 · 24/02/2020 14:21

When you say watch films, do you mean your one year olds is watching films?

Therollockingrogue · 24/02/2020 14:22

I love to stay in all day.
Every day
It’s February we should all be still in hibernation.

PandaDec2018 · 24/02/2020 14:22

I've not read the whole thread yet but just to say you're not alone! My daughter has just turned 1 and I get these comments and start to feel guilty or like I'm doing something wrong!

BackforGood · 24/02/2020 14:35

It's about balance. If you just stay in all the time, (or that is their perception) then they have a point. If it is occasional - then it's great to have a day doing something different.
It also depends on the child tbh. With my dc1, if we didn't get out every day, he was a real nightmare, and I wouldn't have coped. dc2 was a different character altogether and probably would have been fine had we not been getting out every day still for dc1.

jomaIone · 24/02/2020 15:01

My DD is nearly 2. We stayed in all day at least 1 day a week. I'm a SAHM.

I am an introvert and just need to be alone and inside occasionally. I also can't afford to do something every day, especially when the weather is bad and can't just go for a walk or to the beach. I also have chores to do.

We go to groups 3 days a week, and see friends and family a few times a week then the weekend when DH is off, we are out most of the day.

As long as when you are in, you're interacting with your child and playing, etc and not just letting them sit mindlessly in front of cartoons all day, then that is fine. Although occasionally those days are good too!!!!

Bringringbring12 · 24/02/2020 15:04

How on earth do they know you’ve not been out?!

Rocketinapocket · 24/02/2020 15:07

I don’t agree that someone making a comment on something that bothers me Means there’s truth in it. I think it means they’re a nosy busybody who can fuck off. Stay in if you want, it’s none of their business.

RattyTerror · 24/02/2020 15:09

I’m waiting for people to say similar to me. I’m a SAHP with 20 month old DS and I love being at home. We’re always going out and about meeting friends and going to parks/groups/softplay so it’s nice to have a chill out day at home a couple of times a week. Just tell them to mind their own beeswax. I hate how children have to be entertained 24/7 with expensive activities. When I was little I was left to use my imagination and play with my toys and I loved it.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 24/02/2020 15:11

It's the last day of the half term here and my dc and I have been out once in the whole week. Fair enough they've played outside and I've been to the shops by myself when dh was home but we've otherwise stayed home all week. So long as they're doing something with their time I don't think it matters if you stay home.

Pipandmum · 24/02/2020 15:14

I went out as much as possible otherwise I would have gone mad - staying at home after working for two decades was a huge adjustment. However with a one year old you are really just bringing them along while you do things - I think I did some monkey music thing, a soft play group and met up with post natal gang once a week. Otherwise it was just a walk to the town, get a coffee. Do a bit of food shopping or chores then home again. But with the weather as poor as it has been I'd be tempted to just enjoy a day in with the baby cruising around or playing with toys. You don't have to go out just for the sake of it!

dottiedodah · 24/02/2020 15:25

This wouldnt probably have even been a "thing" some years ago really would it ? Its only lately that everyone seems to want to comment on going out to music for babes ,swimming and so on .The weather is appalling so why not have a day or 2 in? Play with little one ,watch peppa together and so on.I bet they are just jealous !

Shinygoldbauble · 24/02/2020 15:30

I was a SAHM for years. We had many stay at home days. My children are pre-teen and young teen age now.
They are the best kids I know for entertaining themselves and finding things to do independently.
They are both home birds like me and this half term we spent 3 full days in the house/garden.
I think a lot of kids are so used to being provided with entertainment that they don't have the skills to entertain themselves.
I have very, very rarely heard either of mine complain of boredom.

hibeat · 24/02/2020 15:53

With the coronavirus lurking, you're spot on. We will all be asking you for tips next week... You don't have to please anybody.

mistermagpie · 24/02/2020 16:48

I'm on maternity leave with a 3 month old and also have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Due to the nature of lots of young kids, maternity pay and the weather we've been staying in a lot lately. My car sat in the drive for a whole week last week!

The the older two have some nursery days so they get out for that and to be honest they entertain each other most of the time. I also figure watching their antics provides stimulation for the baby!

I hate crafts and stuff but we bake a lot and do lots of Lego and hide and seek etc, I'm not too bothered if anyone thinks we're not doing enough - if they're that fussed about it they can take all my kids out for the day and see how they like that!

Bringringbring12 · 24/02/2020 17:16

@RattyTerror

we are always going out and about meeting friends and going to parks/groups/softplay

So why are you waiting for people to say the same to you?

Original poster

Lottiebugz22 · 24/02/2020 17:48

No it's very unusual for us to stay in we are out every day and I do feel pressure to go out every day and do an activity every day. I've been out in the pouring rain up until recently when I decided to have a day in and I enjoyed it ha and since doing it again I've had comments. Yes I live on a very nosy street.

OP posts:

RattyTerror · 24/02/2020 19:13

@Bringringbring12 because I don’t go out every single day, we regularly have full days in the house.

Purpleartichoke · 24/02/2020 19:15

We spend more days at home than days out. We still have fulfilling lives. Some people need something that can only be obtained by being out and about, but I don’t understand those people. I’m fine with occasional outings.

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