I feel like I’m drowning

[Mumma626]

I suppose this is probably a post for me to offload and put how I’m feeling out there. I’m constantly feeling in over my head. I have been struggling with depression over the last year and the last few months have been bad. I have been to the GP.
I have 2 young boys and I feel like I’m doing them wrong. My eldest is 4 in July and still isn’t potty trained.
My patience is short so I feel all I’m doing is tell the kids off. My house is untidy all the time and I just can’t keep on top of it. I constantly have a mountain of washing to do.
I’m pretty sure everyone thinks I sit round and do nothing all day. I’m doing my absolute best to keep on top of everything but once I get on thing sorted and tidy something else is over flowing.
My partner can walk in and have the house spotless in an hour and I just don’t understand how he does. It’s getting me down so much.
My partner keeps making digs jokingly but I know he really means them.
I don’t know if I’m just shit and being a mum and a homemaker. Or if it’s just my depression making me feel like I’m shit at this.
Thank for listening guys xx

I'm a sahm also (3yo and 4mo ) and I have days where I feel like I'm drowning. I look around and there is so much to do I feel like I just can't. But I do a bit and then it gets easier. And another bit and it's even better! I would say tackle one thing at a time, like the potty training. And get out of the house as much as possible. Then there is less mess!
And you know what, if your husband has to come home and do some cleaning, well then that's what he has to do! They're only small for such a short time, enjoying them is really what matters.

Start by focusing on the most important tasks for the next few weeks. E.g. putting out rubbish/recycling, doing the dishes and washing/sorting clothes. Do you do anything that gives you pleasure? E.g. go for a walk for 30 minutes every day. It doesn’t matter where. Just get out into the fresh air for 30 minutes a day. Your children are very young so don’t be too hard on yourself. X

Mumma626 just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone in feeling like this.

My boys are older than yours but my eldest was still struggle to potty train by 4. Boys do take longer. They get it when they get it. He still has bed wetting spells even now.

In terms of the washing, I recommend only washing the items that really need washing. I know when they’re younger that’s usually everything and several outfits a day. But maybe have a basket for clothes that have been worn but they can be worn again. Only wash the things with wee/poo/mud/caked in food. The other things wipe stains off with a wet cloth.

Speak to your partner and say the digs they are making are making you feel bad at a time when you are already struggling. If they say they are just joking, say well they hurt me so please stop. If they don’t stop after this then you’d have a DP problem. To say something to make you feel bad is abusive.

It is easier for your DP to come home and sort the house out because they have been out the house doing other things and not in with kids all day. Presumably you are looking after the kids while they are cleaning on these occasions? Normally you don’t have this advantage.

You said you have been to the GP. Are you having talking therapy or anti depressants? If not, go and ask for them.

Yes I have also been judged when I have been a SAHP. Domestic duties and child rearing are not valued in society but they are hard and have to be done just like earning money. Families and women make different choices when deciding who does what. They are all difficult and involve juggling and sacrifice.

Also remember that your children will grow and become more and more independent over the next few years. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Sending you flowers @Mumma626. I hope things improve soon with your depression.

I have DTs aged 4 and some days feel like I get zero done other than essential tidying up after them! They are potty trained but then it's relentless emptying the potty, wiping bums etc. But if you need help with that, your local children's centre will have loads of resources; your DS is far from being the only DC not potty trained at 3.5.

Could you visit the children's centres or give them a call to see if they have anything to suggest? Sometimes they run courses too where they will provide childcare (I'm doing one at the moment). You may not be massively interested in the course but it gives you a little break

Does your DS1 go to preschool/ nursery? If not could you find somewhere to provide the free childcare hours, coping with one DC for a bit would at least be a bit easier?

My DP will often come home, huff and puff and moan at the state of the house and make comments about "don't know what you do all day" etc. However, he has never done a full day's childcare on his own, so I tend to ignore him!

But following advice from PP - please try to do something nice for yourself too, even just getting out of the house and letting the DC run round at the park for a bit. It's tough in this weather but if you wrap them up they usually enjoy it for a while. Hope you feel better and less overwhelmed soon x

I know the feeling, you are not alone!

My eldest is three next month and I have a 7 month old. Parenting is not for the faint hearted but somehow we all trudge through.

I’ve set myself a bit of a rota in terms of the house work now. I obviously do the main things dishes, toys ect daily. Then alternate between bathrooms, mopping and a few others I need to look at my bloody chart to remember. It’s absolutely daft that I need a rota to tell me how to adult but right now it works.
My baby spews all day long so it’s a least 10 changes of clothes for her daily and my son insists on going to toilet ‘like big boys do’ and all by himself so that’s a constant spin of changing pants when he’s missed the toilet bowl and got it all down his front instead. So I usually just dedicate a couple of days a week that consists of my entire house looking like a laundrette, with about 6 different washes all going on that day and my house being like a sauna to dry them all. Honestly the things we do to get through mum life is crazy, but forget the judgement, stones on glass houses, every family and every situation within one has its flaws.

My other half was always making the same digs. Leave the house early on a weekend morning when the kids have got a busy schedule and don’t come back until after tea! He will soon change his attitude about what sitting around all day is.

Try not to get down about it, I’m sure your doing an amazing job! At least definitely a lot better than you think you are. I know that’s easier said than done with depression, talk to someone or find somewhere to offload if you can. Maybe try pick up a little activity to do once the dogs are in bed just to focus your mind and relax, Doesn’t have to be anything major. Reading, a friend of mine started crocheting, I got one of those adult colouring books. Literally anything but something for you!

Please excuse the dreadful autocorrect. Changing boys to dogs, how awful. Sorry

@WingingItWithTwo I have a washing rota too!! Get so fed up with the same relentless chores every day though. The DTs aren't too bad about tidying away their toys but TBH sometimes they're too tired to do it - it's easier to get them into the bath and quickly to bed.

And I completely agree about leaving your OH to look after the DC all day if you can. I really regret never doing it but I couldn't cope with the moaning - plus all he would have done is go straight round to his DM's and sit on his arse all day there instead, anything to get out of looking after his own DC!