What do you talk about with other mums?

[Realmumstuff]

Hi, I was wondering what things you talk about to other mums at parties/drinks etc?

I feel so out of my comfort zone as I am a stay at home mum (I'm retraining and help at my children's school). We saved hard and have sent our kids to a local very small independent school, they have been there 4 years. Many of the other mums have their own businesses, work as accountants or are in high (ish) flying jobs, nearly all have degrees (I managed an a level) and whilst they are all really nice I really struggle to come up with an intelligent conversation and don't know where to begin when they talk of politics, the latest tax increases, business rates etc. The only time I contribute is when they talk about "gossipy" things. I hate to be the one who just speaks up on those conversations and I don't want a reputation for that. Some of the mums ask like minded mums over to theirs for lunch etc (I haven't been asked) and I'd like to do that too but I am really worried I will run out of things to talk about.

I went out with one of the mums and her kids over half term and there were many quiet moments. I feel so stupid around them.

I know it shouldn't bother me but it really does.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Thanks

Yes I felt the same few times. I’m SAHP too I have one mum who my son and her son are good friends and she started working few months ago and when we get into the play ground and we meet up with her friends whom she works with and they start talking about work and what is going on at the work place I find myself looking around because I don’t have anything to contribute or to say and I just keep quiet. I’m planning to go to study in September and hopefully I will be able to meet new people /friends.

I think to be an interesting person, you need to be interested in the world around you.
Do you go to places? Keep yourself informed about news and current affairs? read books? Listen to radio or podcasts?
All these things will help.

Also, sometimes it just takes a while to get comfortable with someone. Don’t let a few quiet moments put you off. Not everyone is chatty and outgoing with people they don’t know very well. That can come later once you get to know people better.

Well I’m a working mother and have friends who are SAHM.... we talk about a range of topics ( very little to do with work) :
Food - they are all veggie or vegan ( I’m a meat eater) but we discuss food a lot. We have similar taste in meals and enjoy cooking.
TVshows & Films- whatever Netflix programmes we rate - typically some documentaries in there
Extinction Rebellion - one mum joined them in their recent protests. We discuss other local environmental initiatives.
Art / Culture - I go to the ballet and art exhibitions pretty regularly.
Reading - we’re all library users but a bit crap at finishing our books
Interior design - decorating projects
Gardening - not my area of expertise at all
Politics - general Brexit / election type chat - tactical voting
Exercise - what classes we’re doing planning to do
Holidays - some are big campers - I’m not!!! Ideas for the summer
Children - why they have so much homework and how bored we are of volunteering at PTA events.
Challenges -things we want to achieve this year.
World book day - costumes we’re making
Recent finds - great restaurants or shops we’ve uncovered.
It’s ok for you to start a topic of conversation- you don’t need to be employed to discuss any of those subjects.

Thank you for replying and for the tips and advice.

I am normally quite chatty but find I just dry up after a time.

I think I need to get out more, I promised myself I'll go to the cinema more (looking forward to watching Emma) and I'm a huge fan of art (waiting to see if I have a place on an art course) so I think more art gallery trips would be great. Hopefully I'll have a few more things to talk about!

Don’t underestimate yourself Is my advice. Your art course sounds interesting.... I’d love to have the time. I’ve been looking at a mixed media course..... I’m starting with a one off “ collage” night though. ( look at us having a conversation ).

He he! Love it Divebar.

Just seen National Portrait Artist of the year is live at Battersea Arts Centre in March (love it on sky arts) so I know where I'll be!

The mums do seem lovely and taking on board the great advice from the other sahp will really help.

Are you proud to be a SAHP? I ask this because normally when I dry up it's because I feel like I'm being judged and that they won't like me because I'm different.

Can you ask more questions and discuss things like what they do in their free time, holidays etc. And ask about their work and go "ooh tell me what it's like, I'm at home". If they are nice people they are probably interested and respect you. For a lot of people the grass is always greener.