Thinking about being a SAHM

[mamablondie]

All advice appreciated.

I’m currently expecting DC2. I went back to work full time after DC1 and have found the balance (or lack of) really tough. My job is hard and there’s no possibility of reducing hours so it’s an ‘all or nothing’ choice.

Anyway, I’m debating taking two years out until DC2 is two and DC1 is in primary. I earn a good salary at the moment and I guess I just need some help weighing up pros and cons. I’m also the main earner in our household which makes the decision even more difficult.

What help if any is available for SAHPs?
What influenced your decision?

Thanks x

If you can afford as a family to be a sahp do it.
You can't get these years back, the days are long and hard and tiring but so rewarding.
I feel very fortunate we can afford for me to not work and would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Could your partner stay at home or reduce hours if you are the main earner?

I can’t tag you Finfintytint but a large part of my decision is that my actual job is having an impact on my mental health, it’s all consuming and hard to juggle with having a young family. So it doesn’t really make sense for Oh to cut hours/stay home because I would still have the same issue really. Tbh I would have left before now but I now have another round of maternity coming up so feel I can’t yet x

Are you married?

My situation was similar to yours, except OH earned similar to me. I opted to become a SAHM.

Regarding "help" for a SAHP: unless you are eligible for benefits there is no financial help. Socially, the best help you will find is probably by making friends with other mums at local playgroups. I recommend making a network of friends, it's worth it.
This is what we weighed up:

Can we afford it? Including thinking about lost pension contributions. How will finances work... will you have access to money so you can still afford little treats and taking the kids out, will you feel guilty spending money if you arent earning? I knew I would need enough savings so me and the kids arent literally stuck at home all day. I spend very little, as I cook from scratch using food from our market a lot of the time. Car insurance and petrol is lower, no childcare costs, I have time to shop around for good second hand toys and clothes. I spend money to go to soft play and swimming each week, and to buy extras like vegetable seeds for my garden.

Will OH resent the fact I am not working? Need some honest discussion here. My OH finds it a relief that I'm managing kids and bills and housework and playdates and shopping etc. He also now has time to go to the gym three times a week and just completed his first half marathon since our first baby was born.

Will you enjoy it, or be lonely/bored? This is hard. I have absolutely enjoyed the transition. I get lots more exercise walking 4 miles of school runs every weekday. I've enjoyed learning to cook cheaply, and I've become a demon at buying second hand clothes on eBay. I enjoy entertaining my kids. Sometimes I do miss adult company and sometimes I worry about my future. But these stresses are far less than the stress of a busy career.

I was a sahm for 17 years altogether (disabled child). I found myself unemployable, I'm a smart woman qualifications coming out my arse but Im now working shit hours in a corner shop for min wage to try and get a better job again. My 17 year old out earns me 🙀
as much as dp agreed with me being at home. It did creep into fights , he's a lovely man but being the sole provider is hard when your poor.