Getting an allowance

[Gina36]

Hi, I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable?

So I take care of our 17 month old son full time whilst my husband also works a job full time.
We have separate bank accounts and husband earns over 40 thousand a year.
For a while I was having to ask for money all the time and I found it difficult so we set up an allowance of 600 a month. Out of this comes any grocery shopping, anything to do with baby, toiletries, baby groups, clothing, nappies e.t.c. I don't often have money left over for much but occasionally will get a haircut and things like that.
I've never asked for more but I struggle with that amount sometimes.
Childcare costs are so expensive that I would earn less at work right now but when our son is three we will get free childcare hours so I can return to work.
So I decided to start selling things on eBay, clothing things like that. Anyway, last night my husband said he would reduce the allowance by 150 a month or so because of this despite the fact I don't always earn that much. He then said whatever I earn he will reduce that amount in the allowance so it would always be the 600.

I was excited to have a bit more independence and I feel upset that he is in charge of everything, I also don't understand why we are always poor as he earns a good wage...am I just being totally unrealistic?
I forgot to say, he also gets money from a property he lets out every month.
He pays the mortgage, council tax water so I realise I am lucky to not have to contribute to this and I also realise I am very lucky compared to many but I guess I just wanted a few opinions on whether I am just being ungrateful or if my husband is being mean?

I actually quite like having my own account in lots of ways but still, a joint account seems so much more equal. I find mathematics and even quite simple arithmetic very difficult and he knows this so has always been the one to sort out bills e.t.c and work everything out. I had thought this was working well but now I'm not sure. I feel quite undermined but not sure if I'm being unreasonable.

I never ask or spend above the allowance he gives me.

As others have said £40000 is not that much to support the whole family, best to sit down and work out equal spends, food money should not be from your allowance but a cost like other bills

Do you like him?

I’d leave him. Set up on your own. He’ll be assessed and will pay child maintenance accordingly - on his salary it will be more than £600 a month.

I know it’s unhelpful but I cannot fathom how women get married to these awful men. Don’t you see the signs during the dating period?

Even apart from the fairness of it (sorry too tired to follow the maths) the allowance idea is in itself offensive. You are not the housekeeper being employed by him. His money is your money. Joint account is a good way to show that imo.

SpokeTooSoon, I don't just like him, I love him! He's my husband. He's also a good man and not abusive, I do not believe he is trying to control me but is genuinely concerned about money and believed this was the best way, possibly doesn't realise it's not fair, maybe even thinks it is generous! I do believe the current set up is not great, but I agreed to it in the first place!
Inconsiderate maybe but abusive, no.

In the dating period, there were only good signs, which is why I agreed to be his wife. I was earning too then though and the dynamic has changed.

I agree that after all bills and outgoings there may be very little left to spend but I think it would help us to feel more of a team and I would feel I had more independence.
Thanks for all of your comments

He’s well aware it’s unfair, you sell on ebay for £20 and he deducts if from the allowance, that’s pathetic and controlling.
I’d write a list of all the expenses the £600 covers and show him and ask him if he wants his family to scrimp and never have new clothes etc

@SpokeTooSoon on his salary child maintenance would not be more than £600 per month! Assuming the same pension contributions I assumed earlier, with a £40k salary, no other children, and having their DC 1-2 nights per week, initial estimates would be that Op would get c. £75 per week (or £315 per month)...

Why does he decide what allowance you should have? You don’t need an allowance, you are not a child expecting pocket money. After the payment of bills and joint expenses, ie food, savings and child related costs, the remaining money is split equally between the two of you as your personal money.

@gina36
Hi I'm the same as you, I stay at home and look after the children whilst my husband is the bread winner, I left work about 8 months ago to have my ds2 and it's not worth going back to as childcare costs are more than I'd earn. So we set up an allowance mine is a little less than yours and I'm not expected to do the grocery shop or buy the coffees!
Funnily enough Iv just listed some things on eBay ! If my husband even suggested that he's cut my allowance because of this 1) I'd laugh in his face and 2) I'd stop selling stuff or I'd just not tell him. Anyway the point is I think he's being massively unreasonable and maybe even a little bit of a twat. Yes he goes out to work, but Sahp is just as much work! You deserve that 600 pounds and to spend it how you want!
You should also receive the child benefit in my opinion also.