My marriage seems doomed atm

[Kelwar]

Hi, I’ve got a major marriage issue going on at the moment.. I’ve got two children, youngest is 7.. I’m 44 and feel that I would really like to go back to work.. to a proper job.
I have been a SAHP for 10 years and a TA for 3 years, but the money isn’t great, and I really want to break away from being with children all day every day.. plus when you work school hours you still do everything at home too.. so I’ve suggested a few times to my husband that I work full time, really contribute to our income which is ok but we are in debt, it would be nice to have money for extras. I’m really bored and often lonely.
We also have a dog who needs a good 1-2 hrs walk per day..
Anyway, when I suggested getting a proper 9-5 job, my DH practically laughed at me and said it would be too disruptive to our family life.. the dog.. the kids.. so now I’m wondering, does he expect me here just waiting on everybody for another 5 years.. when I suggested college, he smirked and said ‘well are you actually going to do anything with that course?’ I feel really undervalued and unsupported.. and a little trapped.. I feel unemployable as it is.. what shall I do? At the moment I’d like to leave him and start afresh, he’s driving me mad with his 1950’s views X

well are you actually going to do anything with that course?

I’m lost-what course?

I wouldn't take any notice of him and I'd do what it takes to improve your job prospects.

What sort of thing would you like to do?

Just start applying for stuff. Eventually you’ll find something and you can plan around it.
Don’t bother running it passed your DH. Did he ask your permission to go to work full time? Did he fuck.

Hi I didn’t want to read and run!
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way... it really sucks when your partner doesn’t seem to build you up and support you.
For what it’s worth, I say you should decide what career you want, and go and do a course related to that. You don’t need to ask him... just sign up and then sit him down to talk about how you’re going to arrange childcare etc.

As much as you’re mum/wife, you’re also ‘Kelwar’ and you have as much right to happiness and fulfilment as the next person.

All the best!

I'm in exactly the same position, except for dog, and will be interested to hear replies.
PM me if you want to talk

Wow! I'm actually shocked he would say that to you.

I'm not sure what the advice is, but you have left yourself vulnerable.

I can't believe he laughed in your face. I'm so sorry he did that to you. The idea of you working isn't laughable.

You do need to understand though that you haven't worked since 2010. The working world's moved on and if you are going to do it, it will be a difficult adjustment for you.

It sound like he's got used to thinking of you as maid, childminder, dog walker and doesn't want the hassle of helping you juggle that so you can be personally fulfilled.

I think the fact that you have debt but he hasn't encouraged you to work and therefore increase the family incoming is clear evidence of this.

Do you think you would actually leave him because if not, what will you do?

I don't understand why a seven year old can't go to after-school either. Why wait another five years? 15 years no work is not going to help you.

Apply and accept. He either gets on board or knows which way the door is.

You can do anything at any age! And time flies when you’re busy! Like others have said get applying for courses/ apprenticeships in whatever you’re interested in!! Am graduating this summer at 41 x

Does he know how bored and lonely you feel? I’d try talking to him again and say you’re serious. And if he still tries to dismiss it then you can think about what to do next. Maybe working 9-5 but part time could work. Doing something that isn’t with kids. What was your college course?

Um... you HAVE a proper job. It's just that it pays a salary invisible to the naked eye and you want to move on. I found being a TA tough, it was the most tiring thing I've ever done. I also had to do a care shift on Saturdays to pay the bills.

Get a cv written and get some supportive friends to feed back on it. Then get applying. There will be a way. Start by thinking of your work as important. Think about the skills it has taught you. Problem solving, flexibility, dealing with difficult individuals...?

I really want to be a counsellor

Thank you all for understanding, I’m actually thinking perhaps this isn’t the man for me.. there are quite a few issues.. the job being the main one.. he wants to know if I’m having a mid life crisis because I’m getting so annoyed by his arrogance.. in lots of ways he is a nice person, in others he has very old fashioned views.. it does seem to be his way or the highway ..’I’ve suggested parting ways so we can both be happy.. but he says he’s not going anywhere.. I’m really stuck

Can you do an online course and block one or 2 days where kids are at school to do them? Depending on where you live there may also be some resources to help you either upskill or go back to work. I know this is not easy without support from DH, you would be taking on everything all at once, so if you have a plan, perhaps He will be more open to it and realise He is being a bit of for not taking you seriously.

I’d start researching counselling courses. Most of them you’ll need to do a short course first - certificate in counselling - before the diploma. So that’d be a good way of finding out if you like it before committing to the diploma. And, bonus! You normally have to have counselling yourself to do it. So you’ll be able to work through marriage problems while retraining.

Haha, every cloud... I’ve completed my level 2.. just need to do 3 and then possible degree/diploma

Find a work placement, you need to have completed a set number of hours, have supervision yourself and counselling as well as the course. It is very expensive and set criteria is needed to join BACP.