I’m about to become a SAHM...... just as the kids go off to school!

[FastAway]

Oh bloody hell.... I’m nervous and excited all at once.

DH has just got confirmation of his promotion. 39k pay rise and 25k take home bonus. He needs more freedom work-wise, to take opportunities at short notice and travel. I’m a nurse, work PT and clear £800 a month after childcare is paid for.

I’m not planning to leave yet, I’m currently doing a specialist secondment until Jan 2021 so will stay until then. After that, my options at work would be to level up to band 7 in specialist role, which has been made clear to me I would need to increase my hours to at least 30, or go back to the ward and start all the nights, weekend, Christmases again, missing out on family time for a stressful job. I’ve been in High Court this year accused of negligence and despite case being dismissed by judge it’s sapped my confidence a bit.

Anyway, kids at that point will be 9 and rising 5, both in school. I plan to stay fit, walk the dog in lovely places, lead to read Hebrew, help out at the school. I will work one shift a month to maintain my registration. I’m not sure about the future, when kids are both at secondary school etc. But I feel ready to take this time to make home life less hectic and provide a relaxing haven for my kids and DH. To know I’ll be there on bank holidays and assemblies and Christmas performances.

Has anyone any experiences/pitfalls to share about becoming a SAHM with school age children? Most of my SAHM friends are thinking about going back to work as the children move off to school. I’m a bit worried about being lonely although I have lots of friends, and about becoming boring and not having anything to talk about.

Well both my children are in school/sixth form but I became a SAHM when Ds1 was under 2. Dh's wage improved due to a job relocation so I gave up work.

My sons are now 16 and 13, and there is a lot to be said for being present when they come back from secondary school from helping them figure out friends and frenemies, talking through situations/language/judgement of others or by others, and helping point them in the right direction re websites for homework.

I listen to audiobooks/podcasts whilst doing housework which is all done during the week during school hours. Therefore the house is far less messy, food is planned, shopped for etc and made for when Dh comes home and we have dinner as a family around a dining table. I volunteer and have a couple of friends who remained SAHMs too. It is just very relaxed and not rushed at all. We do leisurely mornings!

You can easily fill your time, visiting places, people and you have the internet at your fingertips. YouTube, Netflix, Amazon Prime, websites, whatever you are interested in.

It’s hard to say how you’ll cope, I’m not good with adjustments and find it lonely and boring, but it massively benefits my kids not to need after school or holiday childcare. It’s good that you have a career easy to go back to if you want to.

The confidence thing - I’m not sure you’ll be more confident after a break from work.

So essentially you’re giving up your career to facilitate your husbands? How long are you planning to stay out of the workplace? Permanently? What if you and dh split up?

I did a few years sahm when my youngest started school as childcare became an issue before school and in the holidays for various reasons. Worst decision I ever made. Sure it was great not to worry about childcare ever, I could attend everything at school and had plenty of free time for anything else I fancied, but personally it did my mental health no good whatsoever. It also had a negative effect on our relationship but I’ve never been able to put my finger on why. I’m back at work now and our relationship is fine, but I’m in a crap job that I don’t like and not much chance of that changing anytime soon.

Plenty of women do what you’re planning and love it. But do think carefully.