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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Partner working away, feeling very stressed and depressed

8 replies

LauraRo · 16/09/2019 20:30

So...my partner works away in the week leaving me with my 6 year old and 3 year old and I'm struggling to cope. We're trying to find a place to rent near where he works (we're looking at either Swanage or Blandford Forum atm) and near a good school but we aren't having a lot of luck. We had a house we really liked in our sights this week but the landlord decided to rent to someone else. I really love where we live now and so conjuring up the mental and emotional energy to keep imagining and reimagining this move provokes a horrible combination of grief at moving and hope that life will get easier once we are all back together. My final straw this evening is my eldest being sick so tomorrow instead of getting a bit of time to get the house sorted and (god forbid) go to the gym whilst my youngest is at preschool I'll be spending another day parenting 24hours. I feel so unhealthy too, my children tend to bicker a lot in the afternoon after school through tiredness so I don't have proper time to cook so we're eating way to much bland and nutritionally questionable "easy stuff". It also might sound ridiculous but the chaos abd upheaval at home being mirrored by our national upheaval seems to really compound things. And my DDs school is also in special measures so that's a constant source of worry too. I guess I was wondering if anyone else has a partner who works away? How do you cope? I probably also just needed to gush some of this out. I'm so sad these days I almost don't recognise myself!

OP posts:
Waiting1987 · 16/09/2019 20:40

Yes. Works away for 4 weeks at a time. I am alone with 1 year old and 4 year old. I get some respite at work which helps, but find weekend tough.

Salene · 16/09/2019 20:49

I've a 3 and 5 year old an my husband does month away month at home. I must admit by the time the 4 week is up of me home alone I can be feeling mentally drained. I'm on the go from 6.30am till kids go to bed at 7 and never get a second to myself ,the last few weeks have felt slightly easier at my 5 year old has just started school so I'm down to 1 child during the day. I work PT only 10 hours and look forward to it as it feels like a wee break. How to I cope? I guess I just suck it up really and get on with it as I have no choice. It does give me a greater respect for single parents though. We don't get any family help either which makes things hard on me when I have fallen ill and really should be bedded but can't be , those times make me feel like crying sometimes, but again no choice but to carry on regardless. I just think as the children grow up it will be come easier , I use my slow cooker a lot for dinners and spend 30-60 in the evening when kids are in bed sorting washing and doing housework. I put clothes wash on first thing so I can have it dried and ready to put away once kids are in bed. When kids are in Bath I stand at the door out side looking in doing my ironing, little things like that help me keep on top of the house.

Time for myself isn't possible as I haven't got any one when husband is away for a month. I run a lot but either I push a running buggy or get up at 6am before kids and go on treadmill in my garage.

Life is a lot easier when he is home.

thepinkp · 18/09/2019 12:24

Bless you I know the overwhelming feeling well. My husband worked away for 18 months, he came back for the odd weekend every 2/3 months but I was left with a 4&5yr old pretty much alone! In the beginning I was drowning.. the sinking feeling type drowning. Then one day I just have myself a good talking to, started driving lessons, took in a cleaning routine and before I knew it I had my sh*t together! It wasn't easy and I spent much of my evenings alone but I actually enjoyed my own company and the the kids would often creep into my bed at night and we'd all snuggle together.

It's hard work most definitely but we had some real fun times to. We called ourselves the three musketeers and would go on weekend adventures and all sorts. I did find myself pinning after weekend family time but just shut that lid off and kept positive. I passed my driving test, we got a car and we were off all over the place ☺️ my motto now to the kids being anything's possible if mummy can learn to drive.

Oh and each week I did one thing for ME! Paint my nails, soak in the bath with a face mask on.. have a cheese and wine night 🤣 Take small steps, Rome wasn't built in a day, write a list of what needs doing cross one off a day, you e got this mama 🤛

Cecilia2016 · 20/09/2019 19:51

My husband works abroad and I’m left alone for 3 months before he gets back home. We have 4 children aged 15,12,10 & 5. He started working away after my 10 year old was born. It was tougher before as technology was great like now where we talk a lot and the children are older now.

LauraRo · 20/09/2019 20:38

Thanks all for sharing your experiences and in particular thank you @thepinkp - I hadn't really considered the fact that I don't drive to be such a huge factor in why I'm finding things so hard. I've always got the bus around with the girls but before my partner started working away he would often come and collect us from places so I only had to do half the journey etc. It's got to go to the top of the to do list! xxx

OP posts:
thepinkp · 21/09/2019 08:41

@LauraRo honestly it was life changing for us! I remember we used to go swimming on Sunday's, making sure we were out the door for that once an hour bus to get us to the pool was so stressful..!! Now we go whenever we want. Just doing the weekly shop instead of spending my evening doing it online was a godsend. I felt empowered learning to drive, it never even crossed my mind I wouldn't pass more a case of when. The independence it's given me and the children really is amazing. 🤛 get those lessons booked, take control and the rest will fall into place. Hugs xx

Cheeseandpickle1 · 03/12/2019 13:57

Hi LauraRo I too have a partner who works away for 6- 7 weeks at a time. We have 3 children a 1yro, 3yro & a 15yro stepdaughter (from his side) anyway I really struggle being on my own. My DS1 has very fiery tantrums and DS2 hangs off my leg 24/7 he doesn’t want to be put down, ever! It’s very frustrating. SD is studying for her GCSE’s so has tuition 3 times a week after school. So I always feel busy and it’s hectic in the evening times. Both boys still Co-sleep with me and I wake up 4 times a night, if I’m lucky I’m able to get back to sleep fairly quickly. I’m constantly tired and snappy. I keep feeling like I’m getting depressed. What with Christmas around the corner its even more hectic and I don’t even want to leave the house or do anything I just feel so lethargic and I’m lacking energy all of the time.

It’s hard being on your own and I feel so jealous of my friends who have their partners who come home and take over with the children in the evenings. I can’t moan too much I am extremely grateful and fortunate for my partners career and our lifestyle. I just can’t help but feel lonely and stressed all of the time. Not to mention the fact that I’m constantly getting sick, I believe this is due to a lack of sleep and rest, which is causing my immune system to decrease. Flowers

Cheeseandpickle1 · 03/12/2019 14:03

Hi LauraRo I too have a partner who works away for 6- 7 weeks at a time. We have 3 children a 1yro, 3yro & a 15yro stepdaughter (from his side) anyway I really struggle being on my own. My DS1 has very fiery tantrums and DS2 hangs off my leg 24/7 he doesn’t want to be put down, ever! It’s very frustrating. SD is studying for her GCSE’s so has tuition 3 times a week after school. So I always feel busy and it’s hectic in the evening times. Both boys still Co-sleep with me and I wake up 4 times a night, if I’m lucky I’m able to get back to sleep fairly quickly. I’m constantly tired and snappy. I keep feeling like I’m getting depressed. What with Christmas around the corner its even more hectic and I don’t even want to leave the house or do anything I just feel so lethargic and I’m lacking energy all of the time.

It’s hard being on your own and I feel so jealous of my friends who have their partners who come home and take over with the children in the evenings. I can’t moan too much I am extremely grateful and fortunate for my partners career and our lifestyle. I just can’t help but feel lonely and stressed all of the time. Not to mention the fact that I’m constantly getting sick, I believe this is due to a lack of sleep and rest, which is causing my immune system to decrease. flowers

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