SAHM’s Do You Have Money For Yourself!

[Mum2Fabulous3]

Hi,
I am a SAHM and have been for some time to our children, my husband works fairly long hours and sometimes is required to work away and earns a very good wage. Getting a job would be difficult because the childcare costs would cost more than I’d earn myself and also we have no family to help with child care. I do not have any money to spend on myself ever and I’m starting to feel resentful towards my husband because I feel he has a wage and I don’t and has access to money at all times. He transfers a certain amount of money into my bank account each month and there is never any money left over and sometimes I enter my overdraft, the money he gives me covers our groceries for one month (family of five) petrol for a month, my phone bill (which is cheap) and our cats food and insurance and our children’s school dinner money. I have two old pairs of jeans, two pairs of shorts, underwear that’s really old, a broken bag, a broken purse and one pair of flip flops. I know it’s not my money and my husband earns it but he earns that money whilst I take full responsibility of childcare to enable him to earn his own money and I can’t do that. I just don’t know what to do. Would asking him to change hours so I can earn a wage too help although I know it’s not really possible.

Any advice would be appreciated!

We have alwys had joint account.
He has brought in more than me while I eat on mat leave and pt after kids.
Other than that I have earnt more.
As a family we all pull together and share the highs and lows.

Other way of doing it that seems fair is all into joint pot for bills savings etc and each of you get same amount of spending money each month.

I'm a sahp. When my husband is paid we pay the bills, put money for food shopping and kids clothes in our joint account , then add some to our joint savings account. Whatever is left is divided between the two of us equally for personal spending.

Your partner is taking the piss and very much reminds me of the behaviour of my abusive ex. I also had only two sets of clothing and no access to money at the time. I left over 10 years ago.

He does take us on holiday and pay for my car, tax, insurance etc and will transfer money without questioning me

I don’t really see the issue here then - so you could buy new clothes if you wanted to. You both just need to communicate better.

You need to ask for access to the main bank account.

Since I have been a SAHP we have a joint spending account and I have access to all other accounts (apart from a savings account which is in DHs name). I also have a joint credit card which I can use if necessary.

@Mum2Fabulous3 I hope you have managed to have a conversation with your Dh about access to more money.

You shouldn't have to justify what you spend because I bet he doesn't come home and tell you every tiny bit of money he spent himself and you can say that to him if he does question you.

I have been a SAHM for over 15 years. We have a joint account for all direct debits and a joint credit card. It is automatically paid in full every month. I don't take the piss, no £400 shoes etc but I buy clothes for myself and shoes when needed.

I also have my own car which is fully funded by Dh because he is the only wage earner.

Every year we have a sit down and chat about everything we have spent, we can see it on the credit card statements from food to clothes, holidays, house stuff etc. We rarely deal in cash (mobile hairdresser is paid in cash) so everything is in black and white. I can see what he spends and he can see mine. But there is no accusations about it because we are both adults.

Dh may earn it but it is family money.