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4 kids, summer holidays, emotionally exhausted

3 replies

Keykeche · 07/08/2019 09:35

Hello ladies.

I’m new to this and have also posted this in the Larger Families group, but no replies.

All of the people I know think that I have a perfect life.
I have 3 wonderful, healthy children, plus my husband’s son, who stays with us during summer holidays.
Boys are 11,10 and 9, and a girl is 3.

I’m 90% SAHM, plus I help my husband with his business.

Boys are smart, they listen and help out with all the chores, look after their little sister. And generally are great kids.
The girl, after a very difficult (nightmarish) 2,5 years starts to be nice to be with.
I have help 2 days a week.
I get to go to a manicure twice a month. Hubby lets me have a lie in in the mornings.
Due to my job once every two months I go with my hubby abroad up to one week (so I get to change the scenery).
Husband is the best dad and hubby you can wish for.
We are not millionaires, but hubby has a good job. With 4 kids we do not get saving up anything much, but we have a life where I don’t have to worry about bills. (It wasn’t like this always and we had very, very difficult few years).

So, picture perfect life. And I am very greatfull for all I have. And I love my family and am immensely proud of my boys.

But I just can’t shift that feeling of being fed up
of the responsibility of being a mother and that all our life, work, free time revolves around the kids and their needs.
I feel resentful of not having a freedom to do things on a whim, to go somewhere (out, day trip, weekend), to buy things I want, not the things to accommodate kids needs (forget about white sofas). I feel, that all the money we earn goes towards them. Endless new clothes, sport activities, cleaner (I’m sorry, but if I wouldn’t have help twice a week I’d go insane), endless food shopping - feeding 3 pre teenage boys is challenging... Basically we have a nice life, but I feel that we live and do things for the kids.
I guess I’m jealous for my single / kid free friends,
who can blow their hard earned cash on themselves, who can take holidays (that’s the thing we can’t do, as its way too expensive for us), who can go shopping for the whole set of clothes, instead of buying jeans, because old ones have a hole in them. I can not allow myself even get drunk, as at 34 I feel it next day, and the day after next, and kids and chores are still there.

I’m tired of emotional challenge to get my kids to be happy and successful adults.
And that involves daily doing things I sometimes
don’t want to.
I do sports with them, teach oldest German (he starts a news school in September and is one year behind on the program).
I make sure I don’t snap, I’m patient, can be strict when needed, but never cruel. Endless hugs and kisses and prioritising their needs before mine. Meaning watching Transformers with them and cuddling in the evening, because a moment will come, when they won’t need their mum that much.
I’m feeling as my day is an endless cycle of washing, cooking, sorting their arguments, tending to their needs, being a cook, a cleaner, a doctor, a psychologist, a maid.

And the noise! Constant never stopping noise! From the moment I wake up till the moment I go to bed. Drives me crazy!

And mess. I’m a very tidy person and am trying to teach (failing) boys about cleanliness too. But no matter how many times a day I and them clean up, 5 minutes later it’s messy again.
Every day is the same: put away your dishes, load the dishwasher, have a shower, brush your teeth, get dressed, put deodorant on, have you washed your hands, shoes away, wash your glass. Etc. Etc. Etc. And there are 4 of them!!
Do boys ever start washing without being reminded to?? And I’m a super clean person!

I know, that it pays off... I really have a fantastic relationship with all the children and they are the best kids in the world. They love me, respect me and trust me.

But I just want to escape.

Recently me and hubby had a night away from them and I didn’t want to come home...

I’m probably just a selfish brat.... I have everything anyone could with for.

What’s wrong with me?
Anyone else feels like this?

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itsabootyhole · 07/08/2019 09:48

I get you I have 5 and it's very challenging. I fantasise about running away on a weekly basis lol. I don't have help so am raising them and keeping my home myself while dh works his arse off to keep us all. My two youngest have just come back from a week away with their grandparents and I honestly did not miss them Confused I know that sounds mean but they'd have to be gone a lot longer than a week for me to miss them! I love them all dearly but my god their emotionally draining Sad

I just have to keep reminding myself that it won't always be this hard otherwise I'd be running for the hills.

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dramalamma · 07/08/2019 09:59

4 kids under 10 here and on the 5th week of the summer hols and am also trying to pack up to move house in a couple of weeks. It's maddening and I totally feel like I should be enjoying it better but it's just bloody hard at the moment. I've sent two of them to their grandparents today (no one will take all 4 of them!) and am about to start the swimming lesson taxi routine but it's such a slog. You forget during term time just how much more time you get while they're at school. It's hard, I'm getting nothing else done, the house is a mess as soon as I tidy anything so losing the will to actually tidy anything but there are only a few weeks left and I'll probably be missing it!! 🤦‍♀️

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Keykeche · 07/08/2019 10:47


Thank you for your replies. Decided to take kids out today and not cook at least lunch.

Glad I’m not the only one.

Patience and strength to all of us.

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