Exhausted

[firstimemamma]

My ds is 9 months old and I am completely worn out looking after him! I've cried so much today! He's my first baby. Sometimes I feel silly for feeling so tired as he's generally a very straightforward and happy baby, always smiling and if I want to put him down and do something he lets me.

I just wondered if anyone else is in the same boat as me. My fiancé works for the emergency services and his role is extremely mentally and physically challenging. He's out of the house for 16 hours at a time and sometimes works night shifts. Don't get me wrong when he's off and has a bit of time to recuperate he's absolutely brilliant with me and ds, loving and kind, wants to do everything. But when he's not around I obviously have to do everything and I'm finding it very demanding and constant. No family nearby to help and I've got a few good mummy friends but they are relatively new friendships and I don't want to put too much pressure on them. Also they've all got their own problems e.g one has just moved house with a baby! I try to support my friends as much as I can.

I generally cope ok but have found it tough recently as ds has been unwell and ended up in a and e and my fiancé had university work to complete (which is now all done). I manage ok if I have a couple of hours to myself a couple of times a month but that hasn't really happened in a while and it's safe to say I'm feeling the effects!

I don't really know what I want out of this thread, maybe just a friendly hello from a partner of an emergency service worker or a few words of encouragement. Or just a few coping strategies from anyone who has been in a similar position. Sorry for the rant!

Anyone? I've had such a tough day

Op I wanted to say I found it v hard too. It’s full on! What can you do for yourself every day? Even a tiny thing? (Lovely shower gel silly example) x

Oh my goodness I'm so relieved to read this thread! In a very similar boat (though different reasons) and my dad is 9 months.

My DH isn't in emergency services but has to travel with work every fortnight (Inc tonight). I'm struggling a bit because I've been trying to get D's to sleep on and off for 3 hours now! DH also wonderful when he's here.

*ds not dad 😂

DH away with work and I'm struggling to hey ds to sleep tonight (so far been trying for 3 hours)

(sorry for multiple posts... Internet playing up)

Handhold . I found getting out of the house every day helped even just a walk around the block and in nice weather times I'd "treat" myself to a no housework day (other than the basics) and get out to the park etc. Have a look at playgroups in your area you might find them cheap to attend and give you an opportunity to get out and meet some more people.

I see you said you've cried a lot today, and that you haven't had even a couple of hours in a couple of months. You sound so tired, longer term than just today.
When your fiance is home, what is stopping you having a few hours? I have a DH who works long hours, and 4dcs age 7 and under including an ebf baby, so if my DH can manage, your fiance can step up!
Do you have family who could visit? Even if they can't do much, sometimes just having someone see your challenges, or just taking a shower and knowing you're not in charge of anyone else is bliss.
Or have you been open with your new friends, to get some support? Trying to find others who aren't new mums could also help - with your first the idea of helping out with another is a bit much, but once you've got two or more, the idea of coming over and entertaining a couple of children while you take a nap is less intimidating
Is your toddler sleeping well? I'm not a big sleep trainer, but at this age and if you are shattered it is worth it and can be done gently. The No Cry Toddler Sleep Solution is good.

Are you crying lots of days? Do also consider if tiredness and sadness is part of depression, PND can linger, it's a lonely place to be and your gp can help.

Hope you can get some sleep soon!

Ah I’m totally with you, very similar situation here! My dp works away Monday-Friday, it’s tough when it’s just you isn’t it.
I went back to work part time a couple of months ago and in hind sight it was the best thing! I get a couple of days a week where I can switch off from Mum mode, it’s busy but all the better when I pick DD up from nursery and she’s full of smiles
Maybe implementing more of a ‘routine’ will help you get through the week and insist on a few hours of time for yourself when your partner is not working. A lovely bath and face mask maybe

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the replies! Has helped massively and has put a smile on my face during this night feed! x

What are you finding hard? Is it lack of sleep, or housework for instance?

@Eloisedublin123 thanks for the reassurance. I do make time for myself in the evenings but the problem I found is that when I'm home alone it never really feels like proper me time as I know that ds could wake at any minute! His super power is always waking just as I've cooked my tea and sit down to eat it! I do try though (in the form of painting toe nails, nice shower or chocolate on sofa). I think it's just ds being unwell that has pushed me. Thanks again

@Eloisedublin123 thanks for the reassurance. I do make time for myself in the evenings but the problem I found is that when I'm home alone it never really feels like proper me time as I know that ds could wake at any minute! His super power is always waking just as I've cooked my tea and sit down to eat it! I do try though (in the form of painting toe nails, nice shower or chocolate on sofa). I think it's just ds being unwell that has pushed me. Thanks again

@Eloisedublin123 thanks for the reassurance. I do make time for myself in the evenings but the problem I found is that when I'm home alone it never really feels like proper me time as I know that ds could wake at any minute! His super power is always waking just as I've cooked my tea and sit down to eat it! I do try though (in the form of painting toe nails, nice shower or chocolate on sofa). I think it's just ds being unwell that has pushed me. Thanks again

@Eloisedublin123 thanks for the reassurance. I do make time for myself in the evenings but the problem I found is that when I'm home alone it never really feels like proper me time as I know that ds could wake at any minute! His super power is always waking just as I've cooked my tea and sit down to eat it! I do try though (in the form of painting toe nails, nice shower or chocolate on sofa). I think it's just ds being unwell that has pushed me. Thanks again

@Eloisedublin123 thanks for the reassurance. I do make time for myself in the evenings but the problem I found is that when I'm home alone it never really feels like proper me time as I know that ds could wake at any minute! His super power is always waking just as I've cooked my tea and sit down to eat it! I do try though (in the form of painting toe nails, nice shower or chocolate on sofa). I think it's just ds being unwell that has pushed me. Thanks again

@Eloisedublin123 thanks for the reassurance. I do make time for myself in the evenings but the problem I found is that when I'm home alone it never really feels like proper me time as I know that ds could wake at any minute! His super power is always waking just as I've cooked my tea and sit down to eat it! I do try though (in the form of painting toe nails, nice shower or chocolate on sofa). I think it's just ds being unwell that has pushed me. Thanks again

@Eloisedublin123 thanks for the reassurance. I do make time for myself in the evenings but the problem I found is that when I'm home alone it never really feels like proper me time as I know that ds could wake at any minute! His super power is always waking just as I've cooked my tea and sit down to eat it! I do try though (in the form of painting toe nails, nice shower or chocolate on sofa). I think it's just ds being unwell that has pushed me. Thanks again

@Eloisedublin123 thanks for the reassurance. I do make time for myself in the evenings but the problem I found is that when I'm home alone it never really feels like proper me time as I know that ds could wake at any minute! His super power is always waking just as I've cooked my tea and sit down to eat it! I do try though (in the form of painting toe nails, nice shower or chocolate on sofa). I think it's just ds being unwell that has pushed me. Thanks again

@mommybear1 yes I normally attend 3 play groups per week and I love them! When ds is feeling better I can't wait to get back into the swing of things, I think this last week or so has been a real eye-opener regarding how much I depend on routine / getting out for sanity! Thanks

@Stuckforthefourthtime family visiting isn't really an option right now. In laws live 160 miles away and on my side there are issues but that's a whole other thread! No, generally happy and not crying, but when things get too much I can have several consecutive cry/sad days. Thanks for the pointers though.

I think once ds is done with his antibiotics and feeling better and I start taking him to play groups again, I'll probably feel much better!

My fiancé is currently downstairs doing morning routine with ds and I'm in bed having a lie-in hope everyone has a good day and thanks again x

@Eloisedublin123 I've got no idea why my reply shows up so many times, sorry!

@GirlRaisedInTheSouth nothing in particular just the 24/7 nature of it! Feeling better this morning though

@firstimemamma I know how you feel! Iv had DD every day since she was born! Me & DH have been to the cinema once and she recently stayed at SIL for the night when we visited! So twice in nearly THREE years 😂 it is so draining being mum 24/7 and its worse now as my DD won't go to sleep till 9.30pm! So I get no me time, plus with DH job he is self employed but often has to go out at 3pm and won't get back til 7/8 after being gone all day!!

Thankfully DH put DD in nursery for 2 morning in Jan but now I help my nan and mum on those day 😬 my own fault!

And now we have #2 on the way and I am thinking how the feck am I going to do this!

Your not alone hun! And some days are shitter than others! But give it time it will all be worth it when he starts saying mummy, love you and giving you long hugs and kisses 😁 xxx

@HJWT thanks. Wow twice in 3 years, sounds very full on! Good luck with baby number 2