Can social services take away your children if you ask them?

[Queenbeexo]

Really didn’t know if I should post this in this section or the “mental health” section, so I posted it in the SAHP section, since I am one.
I have two DC, 3 and 9 months and I have struggled with mental health problems since a young teenager (now in my late 20s) and since my second DC it has got increasingly worse. I have no support from family and only have DH to help but he works 5 days a week so can’t help all day, every day.
He just tells me I’m having a bad day and it will get better but I feel trapped, like there is no way out of how I am feeling. Don’t get me wrong, I do love both DC dearly but am really struggling with their demands for different things and keeping on top of housework as well. Can you ask social services to take your children? GP wouldn’t refer me to them last week for support because she didn’t think they would be the right people to help me, so instead referred me to the mental health team.

I am very low and constantly snapping at DC1 over something trivial and just feel like I don’t want to be here anymore. I am trapped, and I will never be able to feel better again.

No they wouldn't. They would try to support you. Have you got a Home-start locally? They would be great for you and you can self refer. I am a retired social worker and current Home-start volunteer so speaking from a place of some knowledge.

Have you spoken to your hv? They can arrange daycare to give you a break, does your dc1 attend anywhere already. Does homestart work in your area?

I agree that your HV would be a great place to start. They can signpost you to agencies for support local to you.

Didn't want to read and run. You will feel better again

@LIZS @UCOinanOCG yes I do actually have a HS volunteer who mostly just plays with DC1 but I always feel awkward when she is here because I don’t know what much else she can help us with apart from playing with DC1.

Sorry things are so difficult.

Have you heard from the mental health team yet? Did the doctor discussion medication and/or therapy?

This is definitely a mental health issue and not an issue with your parenting. When your MH is in better shape you'll find yourself so much more able to cope.

You're not alone, you're not a bad parent, you just need to get more support around you to figure this out.

You can voluntarily place your children into care under section 20 of the children act but before this all other avenues would be explored, support, extended family etc.

Even if they were in care you would still be heavily involved in their lives and be their parent. What is the outcome you are wanting OP? I hope you get the support you need.

You can ring ss yourself and ask for support.

Can your husband look after them while you concentrate on getting better? Maybe he could take sabbatical?

Have you a perinatal team locally? They would be ideally placed to help as your little one is under a year. It will get better x

Has your volunteer not been with you long? Maybe you could confide in her how you feel? She could then pass this back to the coordinator who might speak to SS for you.

OP sending hugs and strength from me, as with the other posters, some real help with your MH will be more helpful in both the short term and the long term. You are not the first mum to feel this way, trust me, you have been very brave to post your feelings on here.

I hope you get some real help soon xx

It is the perinatal mental health team I’m in touch with at the moment and spoke to them today, and they’re working out a plan on how they can support me. I just feel like there is nothing anyone can do to make me feel better.

Are you taking up your full allocation of pre-school hours for your 3yo?

This will get better

In some ways you are right. No one but you can make you feel better. That comes from within and with support/therapy /medication.

Talking about SS taking your children is quite an extreme reaction and shows the level of support you need. Please keep asking for help.

On a practical level do you get out of the house every day? Are there local groups or a park you could wear the 3yo out at? Is he entitled to his 30 hours yet?

Have you got a treatment plan of medication /therapy yet?

Sorry I forgot to mention yes DC1 does go to nursery 3 times a week which is great for her and me. I think the problem is more so caring for the baby that I find hard because DC2 is more hard work than DC1. (More whiney, where as DC1 was more than happy to just sit in her bouncer and watch TV)

Would it help you to work a few hours a week and put DC2 in nursery with DC1?

I would have really struggled to SAHP full time too. Some human adult contact every day kept me sane.

I agree with going back to work. I find being at home with small children really hard. Not because of them, it's the domestic drudge that does me in but it's easy to take frustrations out on the children.

Being surrounded by mess and jstuffthst needs doing whilst achieving nothing is a killer for my mental health.

Do you think it would help if you could go back to work full time? Could your DH be a stay at home dad for a bit?

Yea they can but it’s rather drastic. They will
Help you first. Surely your husband wouldn’t allow his children to go into care?

Hi OP

So sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I’ve been there and it was all consuming.

My second son was a very ‘difficult’ baby and cried from morning till night and in all honesty I just could not cope. My HV saw this and organised for him to have some daycare sessions with a childminder to give me a break and some time with my DD. There was also local early years centre and she managed to get my DD a place there. In the end my son went as well when there was a place for him and this honestly saved us. It changed my life. It was called ‘early intervention’ and was basically helping us before things got too bad I think. The early years centre also ran amazing groups for parents. Please ask your HV if there is anything similar available in your area. I’ll be honest and say I was judged because I didn’t work and was getting free nursery for my children but no one else knows your circumstances and what you’re going through so take all the help you can get.

I look back now and I regret the way things were and I wish I’d just been a better mum but in reality I managed the only way I could and that was with loads of help which I’m forever grateful for.

I really hope you get whatever support you need. Please keep us posted OP. Thinking of you.

@Passthecherrycoke no, of course DH wouldnt want this children to go into care and he is supportive but sometimes I don’t think he really understands how distressed I feel because until he met me, he had no experience with mental health.

@threedeepatthebar thanks for your reply, that is so refreshing to read. Opening up is so hard and I honestly feel like the only mother who has felt this way, so it is nice to hear someone else has been through something similar. I am glad you got help and got through the hard times of motherhood, it gives me some hope. I will look into early intervention and also contact my HV I’ve built a great relationship with over the last 3 years. Thank you again. X

I'm sorry things are a bit rubbish atm. I honestly don't think they would take the kids because it's not in their ( kids) best interests. Speak to your hv. Maybe she can refer you to your local children's centre for support that may include free childcare so you can have a break?
Really I don't think you want ss to take the children, you just want some help.

As someone else said you can place the children under a section 20 care
Where you retain parental responsibility of the children but they go into social care until you sign them back to your care ( actually happened
To my own kids last year as dp was seriously ill, I was away and the kids needed care) but with your dh around I dont know if that's he best option for you.

I did not find perinatal much good when I needed help with tiny dd2. They visited once a week for a chat.That was it really.