To feel invisible?

[PeoniesandPretties]

Let me start this off by saying I am grateful for being able to stay at home with my son, I craved to be a sahm during pregnancy and felt anxious when I thought I would be returning to work.
I have always been a high flyer at work, lots of responsibility and always very bossy! However, as of late I've felt overwhelmed and anxious and I truly feel that not returning to work has played its part in this. I have lost my confidence, I barely know what the day is!
I am very house proud and me and my son only have one pj day a week, we're always up to something but I feel I have even lost the ability to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around being a parent?!
My question is, how did you get back into work after a lengthy break. I'm under no intention of returning any time soon but I fear my brain is turning to jelly.
(disclaimer, I'm not depressed just due on and very hormonal)

Hi,

Can I start by saying I read that & felt like I could’ve written it myself! I can’t offer any advice regarding going back to work but just wanted you to know you’re not some in feeling that way. If I feel like that too, there must be many more.

I used to have a very social job & be quite “glamorous” now I live in trainers & my life is all about my little one (which is great & I enjoy) but I do miss feeling somewhat attractive & talking to adults. I miss feeling “important” (I was a manager at work) I too feel invisible now. I dread social situations as I struggle to think of things to say because I realise most other people don’t find little things my daughter has done quite as interesting as I do! What else is there to talk about when you don’t really Do anything?

My partner said the other day he thinks I need to get back into “the real world” as I’m a bit awkward with conversation when we’re social now & he meant it in an understanding way but it’s made me so self conscious that if he’s noticed it then others must have. I used to think I was funny, now I’m just a bore!!

God, sorry for not actually offering any useful advice. Just know there are many of us that feel that way. Ultimately we’re doing what’s best for our children & it’ll all be worth it in the end.

Hope you feel better soon x

I know what your saying and I had moments like this when my lot were little. We had three under 5 and it was bonkers. When I had my eldest I struggled to feel like I a had a group- it was pretty much me and him and my husband was at work full time. The woolly headedness I felt went along with having toddlers. Waking at night, up at 5.30 😬 temper tantrums and general madness all take their toll 🤣 I’m not sure that dissipates with adding work in though.
However, now I feel like I don’t stop. I am constantly busy Ina positive way. All our kids are now key stage two. I’m still at home and I’m there when they need me. They are all well balanced kids who are doing great at school and I’m really happy I made this choice. I’ve stopped feeling like all those people who work and have kids that I chat to at parties are the only ones in the real world.
Can you structure your week more rigidly to give yourself a timetable? Maybe an activity time table or a menu timetable. Get some regular shared activity in where you can talk to other adults at clubs or kid based activities regularly to give you some social interaction where people are talking about the things you are spending your time doing? Kinda find your new crowd?
I used to think I had opted out of the mainstream, I now feel that what I do is work. It’s probably the most important job I can think of to give my full time to raising our kids. There’s no reason you can’t think of yourself as a high flying stay at home parent if you want to do that x

Hi OP - I'm still in your position and also dreading returning to work - feel like my brain has melted from watching too much CBeebies in one way I'd love to go back to work (adult company! lunch breaks! hot drinks!!) but in another way I don't know how I'd cope now, just feel too fat and stupid.

One thing I am considering is a career change, would that be an option for you? A few of my friends have done it, re-trained as something more child-friendly (childminder, TA, book-keeping for schools etc). TBH I couldn't do it yet as I wouldn't get the time to study but maybe from September when my DTs are at nursery in the mornings. I think that would give me a bit more confidence when I meet new people and acquire new skills.

Apart from that I'm just trying to keep socialising in whatever way I can; DP is rubbish at looking after the DC but I can occasionally get out to meet friends for coffee!

I completely understand. I think it's important to socialise where you can with new people so when it one day comes to an interview for example youre familiar and at ease with making conversation.

I found it really scary to make new friends at first when I began toddler groups but I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and i have made a few friends and I'm really glad. It's paid off for many reasons but I must stress that my confidence has grown and I recently had an interview and felt so at ease with making small chat and exchanging pleasantries with strangers that I think it genuinely helped with me being offered the job.

I think studying as a PP suggested could be good too. It doesn't have to be something intense.

That's a really good point about socialising WhoisU. I've made some lovely new friends (although have found it tricky as I have twins, playdates for example are hard work ). And that's good as a lot of my old friends don't bother with me so much any more; this year alone I've been asked to contribute to four birthday presents for 'special' birthdays but not invited to any of the birthday drinks/ meals! It's things like that which also make me feel invisible.

I'm returning to work part time in June after 3yrs at home. I thought I'd stay at home longer but tbh I feel like I've lost myself a bit over the last 3yrs. I used to be confident socially and now I also feel a bit awkward. I miss using my brain for something other than running our home and raising my boys. I'm only going back 2 days a week and think that's ideal for me to have a bit of a career but still be the mum I want to be.

Two days would be great for me too coffee, unfortunately we have no back up childcare so if the DC are off sick (as DS1 will be tomorrow) then I'd be utterly stuck. Hoping to start WFH when they go to nursery in September but don't think that will help with the invisibleness.

I definitely empathise with the awkwardness!