Being a SAHP due to poor health - anyone?

[gotmychocolateimgood]

Has anyone given up work because they are too unwell? I have ME and am having a year off work to try to recover. My employer is holding my job open for me to return to part time afterwards which I'm pleased about but I also worry I won't get better. I've always worked and feel a bit weird about it. My children are delighted as they won't have to go to the childminder. Financially we will be OK. Any similar experiences please?

How old are your dc? What kind of support do you have? Tbh,unless your dc are school age I wouldn't have thought of taking care of two small dc would be very condusive to recovering?

Sorry to drip feed. Dc are 8 and 5 and at school. DH is supportive and very practical but also works away internationally a lot. Normally I sleep 7pm-7am but I dozed a lot today hence being awake now. Energy levels so low that a 10 minute walk puts me in bed for 2 hours.

Anyone?

I'm not sure what good taking a year off will do. In the kindest way, your condition is not going to have disappeared at the end of it.

Take the time off because you're not well enough to work at the moment. That's absolutely the right thing to do. But be realistic about what might be achievable after that. And if that's not working, then that's nothing to be ashamed of.

I am a single parent but am also a sahp to a school age child due to ill health. I am lucky that I was in a good financial position before getting ill so we are doing ok financially, but I try to spend some of my time and energy saving or making small amounts of money to offset not working at the moment. There is the £10 a day thread on here that I'm not on, but read occasionally for inspiration and motivation.

I love being able to focus on my DC, and creating a happy life for us; rather than having to juggle and be distracted by work commitments. So despite my illness I actually feel very lucky with my situation at the moment. How are you feeling OP?

@gotmychocolateimgood Basically yes but it happened by accident. I have endometriosis and from that, heavy periods, pain throughout the cycle but very bad on my period and chronic fatigue.

I was working part time after Ds1 was born, the pregnancy removed a lot of my endo symptoms but slowly I was noticing it was coming back. The two non-working days allowed me to take things easy, Ds was an easy child.

We relocated due to Dh's job and the intention was always that we would unpack, get Ds settled in a nursery and I would get the same part time job (same company, different office) but there was no rush financially.

I noticed that my pain levels had dropped and my fatigue was better managed because I could listen to my body somewhat. The stress of juggling a child, childcare, work load etc was gone. Ds and I could just take it easy, and so we dropped his nursery place down to 1 day just in case I changed my mind.

Both my children are in secondary school now. I haven't worked since the move. My pain has pretty much vanished except for my period and 1 day a month of horrific pain is huge progress.

My fatigue is managed better because I can sleep in the day when the children are at school. I feel far less stressed and am so much happier.

Your ME won't be cured but you may find that your symptoms lessen hopefully massively. My children are very happy that I am here when they get home, obviously with them both in secondary I don't do the school run anymore unless it is raining heavily.

It is also a time of adjusting financially. I had never not worked since I was 14. Dh and I have the same attitude to money. We have a joint credit card and it gets paid automatically. I am not monitored on what I spend but we have been together over 20 years so he trusts me.

Dh's life is easier because I do all the housework during the day when the children are at school so there is lots of time as a family. His meal is made on weekdays, he likes to cook at the weekend. Plus he has been able to progress his career because we aren't sharing sick children or holiday childcare. He appreciates what I do.

It has worked out really well for us. How are you finding it so far? I notice your first post was a month ago.

I haven't gone back to work since my toddler was born. Not really planned. I ended up with severe birth injuries, and have issue using the toilet and standing for long periods because of it.

I could work - many people in my position do. But as I don't have to, it's not worth the stress. I might go back in a few years time once I'm stronger. We are financially stable, and my husband works long hours, so it's useful for me to do house stuff.

Not the life I imagined for myself - I have a masters degree and 15 years of career behind me. But life happens while you're making other plans right?

I'm still off sick. My energy levels are very low. I can take the DCs to school in the morning but then have to rest during the day. I manage my activity by pottering round doing a small job like putting a wash on, sitting down for half an hour, making lunch, having a nap, unloading the dishwasher, picking the kids up. I really miss my job but I can't do it at the moment. I was writing a card to a family member yesterday and I couldn't remember what punctuation I needed. I'm a qualified teacher. I sleep 11 plus hours a night. I get terrible headaches. Sometimes I think I'm getting a bit better but then I have a day of feeling awful. If I try to go out eg to a cafe or busy shop it's too overwhelming for my senses. It's a horrible condition.

DH works away internationally quite regularly. A few nights at a time. I don't have family nearby so have to do everything.

@gotmychocolateimgood I don't know what your financial situation is but could you pay for help? A cleaner who would do things like dishwasher, a bit of laundry? Are you eating properly? They could even make you a lunch.

It doesn't have to be forever, start off with what you can. Increase or decrease as you need it.

I think the main thing is learning to accept that right now your body is not doing great. I found that by changing my mindset helped. So what if you need a nap?

It is so weird isn't it that people would view some time off work as bliss, a chance to do hardly anything, sleep in the day, potter about but when it comes about because of illness you look at it as a negative. That is what I mean by mindset. Bask in the luxury of knowing you can do this. Have a nice bath, sit in the garden. Treat it like a holiday. Stop thinking about what you cannot do, but plan what you want to do. Read a book, watch a tv show, listen to a podcast/radio watch YouTube.

Because I haven't worked for so long this is much easier for me to get my head round. I like watching the birds in the garden, taking things slow. If I push myself (I volunteered for 2 full days a week) I ended up losing 2 hours the next day needing to sleep, and when I did wake I had a sort of leg paralysis for the next 30-40 minutes where I feel like I cannot move. So I dropped down to 1 day a week.

Interestingly I had to miss it last week and my energy levels are so much higher but I need it for my sanity so it is a price I pay.

Thanks for your reply. I have a cleaner who comes once a week, really helps. In between I keep standards low and just do odds and ends. Gradually prep meals through the day or do quick stir fries etc. I need to get to the point where I don't feel ill in order to increase my activity levels but for now it's all very minimal. 2 naps a day plus sleeping 8pm - 7am. TV and reading are very tiring so I'm meant to sit and meditate or stare into space to rest. I'm not very good at doing nothing but am getting used to it!

@gotmychocolateimgood It is very difficult. My son was off school sick yesterday, we fed the birds in the garden and then sat on the "contemplation bench" which is just a nice place to sit and be. He is very good at it, Ds2 is a wriggle bum so would hate it.

These days we call it mindfulness, but it is just about taking a mental break. How about listening to music or a podcast? There are loads of things that are on the tv that you could just listen to. I can highly recommend Ted Talks either on YouTube or as a podcast, there are educational related ones, I also listen to Harvard Ed Cast (from Harvard in USA.) So you can keep your brain ticking over.

I like audio books, sometimes I drift out of listening but it isn't like I am listening to instructions on how to save my life

You are still adjusting, like I said I have done this for over a decade. Mentally, it gets easier. So for me now, I accept the pain of the endo and it is much easier to deal with than my body panicking because I am in pain.

Basically, you are going to have to get a bit zen! If your garden isn't already a place you can sit in and enjoy, make steps to make it so. The Italians have a phrase for just doing nothing "La Dolce Far Niente" embrace it. Stop your brain thinking about what your body can't do. Remember that a lot of people would love to be able to give up work, do a school run and spend time with their children. Focus on the positive of every situation. HTH.

I'm in the same boat OP. I was employed up to last year but was let go by employer under Ill health and miss my job terribly. I have a condition which will only worsen. I sleep alot and struggle with every day tasks. I also have 2 school age children and a supportive husband. I am really struggling with feelings of self worth and being 'useless' right now but guess I will have to find a way through. I've recently discovered knitting (not too good at it but I try!) and I like the feeling of achievement I get from it. You are not alone x

Thank you for your very kind comments and suggestions. I've been asleep a lot today but also sat in the garden just watching the birds which was relaxing. I've spent time with the children and been calm with them. I've done a few very small things like prepared an easy dinner (shoved posh ready meal in oven), hung out washing gradually. I'm seeing all of this as achievements. Also managed to sit with DH this evening for a while as I'd slept so much during the day. Important to spend time with him sometimes as I usually sleep in the evening. I'm finding my new normal gradually.

Me too- I am a SAHM to school age DC and my main condition is severe adhesions from previous surgery- also anxiety and pain related to this and possibly fibro / CFS symptoms as well.

I feel guilty sometimes for not working, but in reality find I can just about slowly manage the basics at home atm, and have accepted this for now. As they are at school mostly in the day I now have time to do something for me as well which makes a big difference to my mental health.

I too find simple meals help, and keep things easy. It isn't helpful to stress too much and do anything too complex sometimes! Baked potatoes are good here ;-)- I make a batch when feeling up to it, stick in the freezer and other time just heat it up. Same with ready meals.

Single sahp due to chronic illness but was sah prior to giving birth.

@gotmychocolateimgood

Has anyone given up work because they are too unwell? I have ME and am having a year off work to try to recover. My employer is holding my job open for me to return to part time afterwards which I'm pleased about but I also worry I won't get better. I've always worked and feel a bit weird about it. My children are delighted as they won't have to go to the childminder. Financially we will be OK. Any similar experiences please?

Yes! I am off work due to my disability. I do hope that I will be well enough to return to work, sooner rather than later.

I was working in marketing prior to falling ill, I was really happy working but I became so unwell, it wasn't a choice anymore. I am a SAHM to 3 children, it can be exhausting and mundane and some days, I just want to give up but other days, it's amazing. Its very rewarding to see your children grow and reach their milestones but make sure you still get time for yourself because I find being a SAHM more exhausting than working personally.

Also, slow cookers are your best friend. You can bang it all in the slow cooker and dinner will be ready with no fuss.
Routine is key, or is at least for myself.