I hate being a SAHP, I don't want to do it

[Unconventionalmum]

Hi, I know this is going to sound awful but please try to avoid commenting negatively as I'm not sure how much more I can bare.

I'm a SAHM to an a 18 month old, a nearly 3 year old and a 7 year old. My two year old is unbearable. She's spoilt, she cries for everything. She doesn't share. She throws major tantrums over everything and demands all of my attention, leaving my other two with barely any.

When my two year old is in a good mood. She is so loving, I love her so much but most days she makes my life hell.

I'm sat here and I've just had to wrestly my 18 months old and 2 year old out of the bath. I'm sat writing this, sobbing because I hate being a SAHM. I hate it with a passion. I love my kids very much but I feel overwhelmed and trapped. I get so jealous and angry at my partner for having the luxury to work whilst I'm stuck at home. I know that's unfair and I know he works to provide for us but right now, I'd rather be stacking shelves all day than be spending it at home.
I'm awful 😔

Is it feasible to go back to work part time when your daughters nursery hours kick in?

You aren't awful, parenting is really hard. Work is easy in comparison.

You need to go back to work. It doesn't matter if childcare eats up most or all of your salary. Your mental health is more important.

Being a parent is hard. There is no right and wrong answer when it comes to sahm/wohm. Neither option is more valid than the other, not everyone is suited to being at home (I count myself in that, I'd become very isolated at home, work forces me to actually speak to other people). It's ok to admit you're struggling.

Is there an option for you to work part time?

Put your two year old in nursery while the seven year old is in school, as soon as you are able to do so.

Sounds really tough OP. I'm on maternity leave and struggling at times too. Have you read the Unmumsy Mum book? It's hilarious and very down to earth about how hard parenting can be (and encouraging you not to feel bad when it's tough).

Bless you, you sound very worn down and they don't call it the terrible twos for nothing. Are their any local playgroups that your three year old could try for a few hours. Also many playgroups take children from the age of 2 now so it may be worth exploring if you could register the younger ones with a playgroup for few hours a day a few hours a week - which will give you a break and most children look forward to their sessions. Some of the smaller charity playgroups are not too expensive. You need a break and some time to yourself. Are their any families that could have the younger ones even for an hour or two to give you a break so you can get out of the house and do something for yourself? It's so easy to become worn down and isolated when you are stuck at home all day with no adult company.

Do you have any parks you can go to or are they any toddler groups locally you can sign up for? sometimes fresh air can work wonders in lifting your mood a little and little ones usually love them. You could also try and ask your partner to have them for a few hours just to give you a break although it can be tricky if they come home from work pleading they are exhausted.

Find a child minder that accepts the funded hours.
Once LO is 3 you can have that time with your 18 month old.

Maybe see how that goes and if you still want to go back to work then see if child minder can take the little one too.
Will probably be the cheapest option. If you can go back part time?

Thank you everyone for replying!

My two year old goes to part time nursery, it's been a life saver but honestly, I still don't enjoy being at home.

I'd love to work but I'm a full time law student doing it from home and I don't have the time and childcare would be ridiculously high.

I love my kids so much but the reality is, I never get time to myself or a decent night sleep. I feel very alone all the time and I resent my partner working which is just unfair. I feel so stuck, due to my circumstances I cannot work and just feel like I'm around constant screaming, noise and mess 24/7. My whole life is my kids and I don't even know who I am anymore other than a parent.

When DD gets nursery hours, will that free up funds to have 18 month old in there for a tiny bit? Just so that you can have some time off?

Oh my OP - I could have written this myself and I'm embarrassed to say that I only have one child, an 18 month old that still won't sleep properly, has a huge temper, screams every-time I leave a room and I feel that I'm doing an awful job as a Mother and that I have turned into an anxious, nervous mess with no personality anymore, or, ability to socialise.

I don't know how you manage to study with three children, well done you. I am trying to setup a new business and failing miserably, I want it so badly but sometimes because I hate being at home so much, I just feel like getting any job I can!

vinoblanco1 be kind to yourself! Patenting is tough and it sounds like you're doing an amazing job. None of us are perfect parents, all of us just do our best.

I'm not a proper sahm as was just on mat leave (also only 1 baby) but I couldn't cope with it, even for 9 months, I had to go back to work. Now I'm back at work (part time) I am so much happier. Thankfully DH able to take shared parental leave which had worked very well for us.

Sounds like youre quite isolated at home. It's there anyway you could go to the library or a coffee shop to study and treat that as your work place? At least that would stop you staying at the same 4 walls every day. Sahm is really tough. My friend is in a group called the Good Gym which sounds like a great way of getting out and meeting people who aren't necessarily parents so would offer more than child related chat? Or anything like that for just a few hours a week might help?

It's tough and you're doing really well.

Not staying but staring

I hear you. I've been at home 5 yrs 8 months and I hate it. I had PND and a crisis in which I OD'd twice as my mental health has deteriorated from being isolated and not using my mind.

My children are 6,4&3 and Im going back now Im on my feet again to regain my sanity. Yes childcare is wild and its hard to balance life but its hard whichever way you do it. I can always change jobs or whatever.

Worth a try maybe?

Sorry, just seen you're a student. Doh!

You are soooo not alone!! Oh my word how I can feel the pain you're in! I have a six, four and two year old and the four year old is a total nightmare. She lies, blames the others for her naughtiness but we have to remember this don't last forever! When they have grown up we will miss these silly moments that make us want to pull our hair out. We're lucky we get to spend as much time with our children as we do, we can work later but a child isn't young forever. Breathe. Have a bubble bath and let all the stress out! There will be hard days but you'll have amazing days too. Sending you hugs xo

That sounds quite isolating. You're doing well OP.
Could you look at any groups on social media for part time students. I wasn't a parent but found them a really useful support network when studying and working.
Could you arrange things so you get some time outside the house on an evening to take up something that's yours e.g. sport, choir, yoga, social group for mums? Even having that one thing that's yours might help.

K

Have you got friends you can meet up with every now and now for drinks or meal. Sounds like you need to carve out some time alone so you feel more like you and not just mum you.

How can you be a sahp and full time law student? You must be ready to break!
Can you structure your time with more clear divisions between parenting and study? You need head space to study. Can you afford more childcare now (it should pay off long term if you qualify).

I could've written your last comment op (other than the law student bit lol)
I'm struggling so much as a sahm right now. I have a 5 week old dd and a 19mo dd. I haven't slept in so long and my house is a constant mess.
My oldest is constantly pushing the boundaries and pressing my buttons and I hate that I spend so much time telling her off and saying "no" but if I didn't say no to things, she'd end up hurting herself or the baby. (She's a hitter atm)

Hang in there. Being a parent is hard and being a sahp is brutal.
One day at a time x