I want to be a SAHM

[littleteeks]

I really want to give up working and focus on raising my family. I have a 5 year old just started school and currently TTC no2.
I currently sub contract, so effectively pick my hours/ working pattern but I'd like to be at home doing more things for my family.

We've recently moved to a house that needs a lot of work and I feel I need to restore some order in my home life before I give so much of my time/ energy to these companies I'm working for. It often involves working away for a few days or day trips hundreds of miles away.

My partner works, and while things would be tighter we could make it work for the next few years.

I've struggled with anxiety on and off for the last few years and can feel a dip in my mood the more I think about what I want to do in life.

Any advice appreciated xx

No advice really but if you can afford it and you're both happy with the decision then go for it. Bear in mind though that unless you have significant savings of your own, you will be entirely dependent on your partner financially. I wouldn't make this move unless my relationship was in tip top shape.

I don't have considerable amounts of savings as most of that will be going into doing up the house.

We are in a good place relationship wise, but I guess time will tell if it begins to cause a strain.

Something just doesn't feel right- may consider a different job/ better working patterns. But what I know is I'm not happy doing what I'm doing.

It's like a slight bit of agoraphobia I dread going out the door in the morning

If you can afford to have one of you stay home and you'd both like that then do it! DH and I have been so much happier since I left work. We don't have quite as much money as we did but we get by alright and still can afford to save a bit, and both of us have an improved quality of life because of it. The whole household is less stressful and it feels like we really have proper time together to enjoy ourselves. The place is always spotless and we have a lovely home cooked dinner every night. We never used to get time together when we both worked long hours, and the house was a mess and we were always playing catch up on chores with our precious moments out of work. The happiness is worth so much more than the extra money.

It doesn't work for everyone though - sometimes it can cause resentment between couples. Just make sure that you both really do want this, and that you check in with each other from time to time to make sure no resentment is building up. I'm sure you'd rather end up going back to work after a few months than end up sinking into an unhappy marriage further down the line.

If you can afford it definitely consider being a SAHM.

Also, we moved into a doer upper, then tried for and had DC no. 2, and tried to renovate the house with both kids in tow. In hindsight it would've been far easier to get the house renovated a bit before TTC DC no. 2.

Look for a new job if you're not happy with what you're doing.See your Dr about you're low mood/agraphobia.
Then think about being a SAHM maybe when you have child no. 2.

I don’t think it’s about affording it. Your future options would be completely narrowed and you will most likely become completely dependent on your partner forevermore. Some exceptions to that but I honestly wouldn’t do it. And we can afford it. I would only consider it if my work was forcing me to be away from the kids 7-6pm 5 days a week and that’s not the case with you.

I did it when we moved countries. Left a good career as we felt it was the right decision for our family. Our relationship was great & it worked well for all of us.

Fast forward 10 years - I’ve done a v part time job for the last 6 years, he cheated on me & has left my career in bits & financially screwed.

I would never recommend that anyone completely gives up financial independence. You have no idea what the future holds & being completely financially dependent on anyone is not the best place to be