What's it like when everyone goes back to work?

[SnuggyBuggy]

A lot of my mum friends are now talking about the end of maternity leave, nurseries and weaning off BF and that 1st birthday doesn't seem far off.

I've really enjoyed the last few months with taking DD to activities and I've been quite lucky with groups and have some nice people to socialise with.

Life goes on but I can't help but feel sad about it coming to an end. I will probably get a part time job later on, maybe when we get the subsidised childcare but probably not for another year or so.

Does it get lonely when this happens?

To be honest for me yes it did get a bit lonely.
I found a few stay and play sessions, messy play at the children's centre and such but that first tear off was the nicest.

I went back to work when DD was 8 months. I took her to activities in those 8 months but still felt incredibly lonely.

I'm much happier being back at work x

Lonely and boring tbh

For me no.
I made friends with some other SAHP and we hang out quite a bit.

Some structure to the week helps, try and frequent the same playgroups or rhyme times every week you will get to know people and other things often lead on. We also go to a church run music class once a week. Lots of things where you see the same faces.

I found it much more fun once my baby was toddling and more activities were open to us. Also most people don't go back full time.

But yes the transition when it's all anyone can take about i found a bit hard. I felt some were very keen to constantly justify sending there kids to nursery which at the time felt like they were personally judging my choice.

It didn't for me, it was different but quite a lot of my friends went back pt so had days off during the week anyway. I also went to toddler groups with lots of childminders and nannies so I still had people to chat to.

Lots of people go back part time so you end up meeting up on Fridays or Mondays. The rest of the time - as thehogfather says - you do lots of groups, then you have another baby and make loads of new friends who have a newborn and a toddler. Also don’t forget that toddlers (while very challenging) are quite good company. There isn’t much time to get bored!

I also think the baby stage is much more boring. Toddlers are much more fun and full of personality! You won't have time to be bored!

I found it hard when people I was seeing regularly were no longer free, but a lot went back part time so you just need to fit yourself around them. And also keep going to groups, you'll see the same people regularly and hopefully meet some other stay at home parents. It can be hard but if you put the effort in, the loneliness won't be so bad.

I loved it as they develop so much between 1 and 2 and I loved being there for that. The focus moves away from mums chatting to doing fun things with a toddler and I truly loved sharing that world with them 2 and 3 were fantastic. Yes it was difficult and hard work but at the same time a real privilidge to be able to explore the world together. As they get more mobile and some words life gets more interesting :)

You also find people to hang around with by virtue of say being at the same park or farm on a tuesday or swimming etc. I really liked toddler groups for a space for them to play and chatting to other adults.

No, you can watch tons of Netflix, go on long walks, join some new non mum type classes if you want to... (of course it depends how much your child sleeps / is at nursery etc).

I think ultimately it depends if you’re an introvert or not. I am so I enjoy my own space.

I've stayed off work until my youngest turned 4. They did the free 16 hours at nursery from 3 though and I did some voluntary work. It was hard, bit boring at times but overall such a positive thing in terms of our bond. I miss being in that little bubble of pootling about with them and living life in a low gear. If you are enjoying it and can afford it I'd recommend staying for the extra year at least. It didn't take long to find a decentish job in my field after 6 years out of work.

It completely depends on who you meet I think. I had intended to be a SAHP after DD was born but began to get bored & lonely when she turned 13mths, began to sleep a better and all of my friends were back at work BUT we had moved to a new area when I was 36 weeks pregnant & had no family here so the only people I knew were from baby groups. On top of that, DH was working 12hr days and often away overnight with work so it really was just me & DD. And I'm quite gregarious and like company.
Others I know haven't had a problem at all. Some friends had husbands who were around during the day, others had local family (which not only gave them someone to visit but might offer to look after the child which gave them a break), others had a network of local friends already, some just enjoyed spending time with a toddler more than I did.
What is your arrangement with the job you had before maternity leave? Have you already resigned? If so, you may as well stay at home and throw yourself into it and see how it works.
If it doesn't work out for you, you can begin to look for another job. It's not as if you have to make a decision now and are never allowed to change your mind!

Yes like groundhog day. I took 15 months off and everyone else went back after a year.
Not sure how you can watch tonnes of Netflix unless your child sleeps a lot!

Also. It's good having more money!

I’ve been back at work 5 months. I’m still in touch with 2 of the mums I met on maternity leave, we’ve managed to meet up a couple of times at the weekends and gone out for tea in the evening. I think I might find it a bit lonely if I wasn’t back at work too but I am! I’m not too bothered about drifting apart from other people, we weren’t really friends just convenient for each other for a period in time.

I found it quite tricky when my maternity leave friends returned to work and I became a SAHM. DS was about 5 months when I found 'my people' and I saw the same little group of mums 3/4 times a week from then on until they went back to work. I don't have loads of family and friends nearby so those mums really were a lifeline for me. We still meet up but it's more like once a month/every other month.

I feel a bit out of it because their children go to the same nursery and one works in the nursery, so there's a big part of their lives I don't really know much about.

I'm also about to have my second baby whereas they are planning to wait for a bit. I think I'd have waited a bit longer as well if I wasn't a SAHM and they will likely have their second babies at the same time as well and mine will be nearly 1 by then.

However, I don't regret my decision to be a SAHM at all. I love being at home with DS and although it will be chaos I'm glad they will have a sibling so close in age. I've worked quite hard to find different groups/activities to fill our week and have something we can go to every day which really helps. I'm finding other SAHMs through these groups and honestly the weeks zip by when you've got something on every day. I do find he holidays a struggle because toddler groups don't tend to run, but I think holidays can be hard whatever age your children are so I guess that's just what we've signed up to.

@Mustdrinkwaternitwine, I've handed in my notice. Logistic wise I couldn't make it work as I have to leave quite early to travel in and I'd be paying more in childcare than taking home. To be fair even before I was pregnant I was looking to try and find another job for reasons too boring to go into.

I have a few people who are planning part time and who would like to try and synchronise with activities and there do seem to be plenty of toddler groups to move on to.

It totally depends on who you are as a person. I can't relate to the concept of being bored at home, I was a sahp for a decade and loved it. I'm sociable but ultimately always loved my days just with my dc.
I'm still the same, they're 13 & 17 now and we still enjoy family time and just being together.

^I think you'll find that even people who return to work still enjoy 'family time and just being together'. The 2 are not mutually exclusive. Maby mums work part time so get a good balance plus cash in the bank. Uni is expensive these days it's good to be able to help the kids out with that in future. Happy days

Oh I'm certainly not judging anyone, it's a very multifaceted decision and what's right for one person and one family won't be right for another.

I'm even debating going back to study part time so that maybe in the future it does work out financially for me to work full time.

What would you study that would increase your earnings potential?

Not really sure, it's been about 10 years since I've thought about further study and obviously I need to do a lot of research. It's a toss up as to whether that would be better for us or if trying to find low paid family friendly stuff would be better. The job I left was kind of awkwardly in the middle with better than minimum wage pay but no flexibility.

You meet other SAHPs who are in the same position, and you have more in common with!

I actually enjoyed it. Took the pressure of “doing stuff” all the time, and it was much easier to just hang out with the kids, without other mums constantly texting or calling and wanting to go to groups etc.