Playgroup misery

[Busybeinglost]

Hi, please bear with me as this may be a little long....

I’m a sahm to a lovely 2 year old. I recently got a place at a playgroup locally to me. As I don’t drive, this one was perfect as it was in walking distance, I got really excited thinking I’d make a few mum friends (something I don’t really have) & that my daughter would thrive with the other children, socially. How wrong I was.

From the first day, whenever I tried to talk to anyone they gave 1 word answers & it was really off putting. Like they didn’t want to talk to a “stranger” just their friends. I thought it’d get better so have kept going, but no matter how friendly I think I’m being, no one really talks to me. I’m naturally a social person & this has really knocked my confidence (which has been low since DD was worn tbh) I kept going for my daughters sake but I don’t really see her benefitting either. The other children (not trying to be rude here) don’t talk as well as she does& they just kind of stare when she speaks then they walk off.my DD just goes & plays alone. This breaks my heart!! When she’s with older children she is so happy & full of life but here she just sits quietly, watching the other kids. She always says she enjoys it if I ask her though which is why I keep taking her.

I’m shocked over the behaviour of the people there because if I was with my friends & saw someone sat alone I’d go out of my way to welcome them. I try & look happy & like I’m enjoying being there but inside I want to cry & cant wait for it to be over. I just don’t know what to do really.

As I don’t drive I find it hard to go anywhere fun for my DD other than the park, which gets a little mundane. So unless I ask someone to take me somewhere, or wait until hubby is off work, we don’t go many interesting places. I feel like a child myself for having to rely on others like that so this playgroup was something I thought would give me & DD something fun to do while I gain a little independence back. I really crave some adult convo too, feeling very lonely at the min & this just isn’t helping.

Same here.

They vary a bit but most are incredibly cliquey.

The worst ones I go to consist of a group of polish ladies (who are friendly if you happen to interact with them accidentally but basically speak in polish to each other the entire time) and a group of child minders who stare at you at first and then lessen the staring but are totally and utterly closed off and unfriendly, they chat among themselves.

There might be the odd random person who'll interact a little but mostly the only people I'll have conversation with are the organisers (usually female church members) when they're not busy.

I found a paid for, specific activity eg musical tots friendlier.

In one group one lady church member specifically introduced me to another mother (who has been moderately friendly) when she saw I was new - which was very kind. But generally they're shite.

There was another activity one called buggy fit I went to with a post session coffee where it was easy to talk to people and most were v friendly. I think non toddler groups may be the way to go.

*Polish

OP - it is not you. There just some rude and mean people around.

It's horrible you've had that experience. I went through something similar myself last year. Not nice, felt like I was back at school! 🙈 I recon you should keep going. The kids will start all interacting differently as they develop and even if no existing mums are interested in being friendly you never know who's going to come through the door next. There might be someone else who starts the group soon and you can give them the treatment we'd all like to receive when we come into a group of strangers got the first time. 😊 Hopefully it gets better.

I'm a SAHM and I don't drive either my daughter started pre-school the September when she was just over 2.5 - it's really good there coz they have a lot of new starters at the same time so the mums didn't all already have 'their friends'. So I met quite a few mum friends and some more through my daughter as they play better together at her age!
Also I take her to ballet class and all the Mums there are really friendly and I recently became friends with my daughter best friend at ballet)'s mum we'd not really spoken before but our daughters get on really well and we found we had loads in common and now see them once a week outside of ballet Maybe try a group like that where it is a bit smaller and more social as we all sit outside when they're in their class. It should get better as she gets older tho. Xxx

Could you use public transport? I thankfully can drive but after surgery I couldn't for 4 months so relied on public transport with my then 2 yo DD, we went to all types of places on the bus/train. DD absolutely loved it and often asks if we can go on a bus again soon...

With the moms... I would try and look for an opportunity where one of them is alone, spark conversation. I'd tell it straight, in looking to make mom friends etc.