Feeling lonely and anxious

[MysteryManchild]

I’m on maternity leave with my 6 month old DD, my partner travels a lot for work and is currently away for six weeks. I’m usually ok when he goes away but this time I’ve found myself being extremely anxious and suffering from insomnia.

It’s just me and DD, and honestly I feel like I have no friends anymore. I try to go to baby groups and take little one swimming but we’ve both been ill so haven’t left the house in a week, I’ve not spoken to anyone apart from OH through text. I also find I’m scared and anxious to go to baby groups because I’m shy and not a great talker.

I’m on 100mg of sertraline and have been since before DD, but I feel so panicky and low I’m not sure what to do. Currently lying in bed trying to fight off a panic attack, I feel so isolated and scared inside my own mind.

So sorry you’re feeling low. I can’t sleep either, so I’ll be here. Peering at the clock every twenty minutes and then counting more sheep ....and the ridges on the radiator... neither seem to help much

I’ve tried cocoa and whisky, and a mix of the two...

I’ve been poorly for a week too. It’s no fun.
Does your little one sleep ok?

Have you tried Headspace? I can’t focus on it when I’m actually panicking, but if I use it daily it does really help.

Do you have any family you could talk to about how your feeling, could they come and stay maybe?

Ask for your sertraline to be increased

Also try and get some excersise/endorphins. Even an hours walk each day

Oh OP I am sorry. Maternity leave is an amazing gift but It can be lonely some times. I second Headspace and exercise. Both help me when I feel low. Do you have family nearby? Would you consider staying at your parents' or sibling's for a couple of nights while your DH is away, to have company?

I used headspace a long time ago must give it a go again! Funnily last night I used an app called Calm which has a bedtime story section, I had Stephen Fry send me off to sleep at 2am 😴

I’m a bit worried about my dose being any higher as I already feel pretty detached 😔 I’m thinking I do need a medication review, was supposed to have one on Friday but I’ve had food poisoning.

Dd is a pretty bad sleeper, but she just loves to nuzzle mama so who can complain about that? I feel awful when I wish she would just sleep :(

MysteryManchild don’t feel awful for wanting your little one to sleep! Jeez, babies are wonderful, delightful, the best thing to happen to most of us BUT they are draining too, like little tyrants. Many nights I lay there in bed hoping my little boy sleeps! Wishing him to sleep as I stare at him in the dark and i don’t feel guilty at all, you shouldn’t either! I’ve suffered with insomnia for about 10 years now and other than just accepting it or taking drugs to sleep (can’t take them now as I’m breastfeeding) I try not to dwell on it, much easier said than done I know. If it’s s sleepless night I put on Netflix, watch a documentary or read (not parenting articles though!)
I understand the friends issue, I’m a SAHM now and there are times when all I see is my son and husband, the one thing I make sure I do though is get out the house! My LO is 4 months and recently had his first cold, we all did, so we’ve been stuck in the house and my mood dropped massively! I was starting to get cabin fever.
I either stick him in the sling or buggy and walk to get a coffee, to the park or to a group. I know it’s hard when you’re shy and suffering with anxiety but so many other mums feel the way you do, even the parents who look like they have their shit together, the ones who look like they sleep 22 hour stretches and are never covered in sick. Every single mum has felt the way you are feeling.
Get your medication reviewed, keep at the calm or headspace, take each day as it comes. Try to get out but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t, there’s enough mum shaming around you don’t have to do it you yourself! I hope you start feeling better soon x