A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.
A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.
Has anyone become a SAHP with older children?
CoffeeTwo · 03/01/2019 20:11
My children are 3 and 6 so still little but not babies. We've not been in a position for me to leave work until recently and I've never been out of work before. DH is taking a new job that will clash with mine (working away) so we're hoping that I can give up work at least until my youngest starts school.
My 3 year old has started his 30 free hours at nursery, which we'll reduce to 15. I think I'm worried about people's reactions, wondering why I'd stay at home with an older child in nursery.
Anyone else had a similar experience to share?
sickmumma · 03/01/2019 20:26
I became a stay at home Mum when my youngest was 3 I managed it for about a year before I got too bored and went back to work only doing 6 hours but term time only and just two mornings a week. It's lovely being there for the kids when they come home from school, a Mum in my DS (age 7 class) has just stopped work (she also has a 10 year old) to help focus on the boys and prepare for secondary and I think it's true that the older they get sometimes he more attention they need and crave and it's good to have the emotional support there! I certainly wouldn't feel bad for becoming a stay at home Mum and I don't think people will judge you for it tbh!
InDubiousBattle · 09/01/2019 13:36
I have a 5 year old who has started reception and a 3 year old who goes to pre school 2 days a week (9-2.45). I'm starting volunteering and will be (tentatively! )looking into my old line of work over the next year with a view to returning to work in a year or so. I really want something term time only so am looking at TA work (I'm going to be volunteering in svhools)but my old work was very flexible so is also a possibility. I think long term staying at home with older dc is very rare and I would only really consider it if we were petty welloff financially.
Fairylea · 09/01/2019 13:41
You have to stop worrying about what other people think. It’s your life - what is going to make you and your family happy? Whatever decision you make in life someone will always judge you for it!
I’m a sahm to a 6 year old and a 16 year old (!) our situation is complicated by the fact the 6 year old had complex needs but he is at special school full time. I don’t feel even remotely bothered by what people think, I love being a sahm. I do whatever I like. Dhs happy as he actually enjoys his job and the family benefit from having me do all the home stuff etc.
GOODORBAD · 10/01/2019 08:30
I haven't done this but wouldn't think twice if someone I knew did it. Except maybe to feel slightly envious!
I can totally see why it would be beneficial too. I have a younger DD and a lot of my friends have gone very part time and/or given up work with the plan of going full time again once the kids are at school. But personally I have found the nursery years very straightforward from a childcare perspective and I can imagine it would get much complex once school is involved, not less! (Especially if you throw another child into the mix too)
NataliaOsipova · 10/01/2019 08:38
A school mum I know did this; her kids were 7 and 9. She’d had a “big” corporate legal job and had got to the point where she just felt she was missing out on her kids. I don’t know her that well, but she always seems very happy these days when I see her.
It’s a different experience with older kids, especially when they’re at school. But what people tend to overlook is that they aren’t at school that much; my kids are on holiday for 19 weeks a year and there’s a holiday every 5 weeks. And it’s really lovely to have that time with them (obviously, if resources allow).
grasspigeons · 10/01/2019 08:46
I think its easier to find good childcare for younger children. A lot of my friends who had managed good jobs during the nursery years ended up changing jobs, going part-time or leaving work when the school years hit. That wrap around care wasn't so easy to find basically. So you might not find its that unusual?
It depends what your longer term plan is really.
LeFaye · 01/03/2019 09:25
I have two kids in school full time and I’m still at home. I’m sure some people find it strange, but for us it’s invaluable. I get all the housework and food etc out of the way when the kids are in school, so that we can just hang out and be together when they’re home :)
Seeline · 01/03/2019 09:42
I'm still a SAHM and mine are both teens. I do work part time from home, but that is very flexible. I have found that DCs tend to need you more as they get older. A nice chat when they get in from school, is a good way to break through the teenage moods. They have been able to carry on with after school activities as I am around to give lifts etc. I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. We do what we feel is best for our family.
LittleBearPad · 01/03/2019 09:51
Do whatever works for you and don’t worry what people think. As a pp says good childcare for tiny children is a lot easier to find than school age kids.
squeefy · 01/03/2019 11:31
sahm to a 11 year old ds (ASD). it works for us. ds isn
t able to handle the school bus (too noisy and chaotic) so I sometimes do the school run still ! We dont as a family care a rats arse about what anyone else thinks. The way things are works well for us. DH is a teacher so he can be expected to stay behind at short notice/ parents evenings etc etc..... childcare when ds was nursery age was easy....but now none. do what works for you.
NerdyBird · 01/03/2019 12:59
I'd love to be SAHM now my dd is at school. Working while dd went to childminder and later nursery was easier, especially nursery as it was 8-6 almost the entire year.
Wraparound care is harder to find, we have to cover about a billion weeks of holiday with only 30 days of leave, plus inset days, parent events etc.
And the small fact that I'd like to spend time with my child and help them as they learn instead of squeezing it into a 20 min window between getting home from work and bedtime.
But we can't quite manage on one wage (and we are by no means extravagant) so no chance for that right now.
I would give a toss about what people thought, and if it was a friend of mine I'd prob just be a bit envious!
Go for it OP
SparkyBlue · 01/03/2019 13:28
I gave up work when my daughter who was almost five was starting primary school. My childcare costs were not decreasing all that much and I am in Ireland and we have longer holidays so it just made more sense to stay at home as she was very nervous about school so I felt it helped her that I was around more.
legalseagull · 01/03/2019 14:40
People are often SAH parents to 3 year olds. Just because you worked in the middle doesn't change that. I think people are more inclined to judge mums that stay off with teenagers etc
Tactfulish · 06/03/2019 11:07
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The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.
timeisnotaline · 06/03/2019 11:37
I might once they are all at school, don’t think i could handle it earlier . But it would make life much easier and be nice for them. Don’t worry about what others think.
mbosnz · 08/03/2019 17:32
Oh gosh, I'm so glad I found this thread! I've been feeling like the only SAHM to older children in the world! Mine are 13 and 15.
What I love is that they come home to a warm house, I cook them up some lunch because they swear and declare they don't have enough time at school, if it's raining there's a hot bath and hot choccy on the go.
They tend to go hole up in their rooms and decompress, and then come out and tell me all their woes and their worries, not to mention all the gossip, and to moan about their homework.
I do feel quite defensive about it, though, because at the moment I'm not doing anything outside the home, like working, or volunteering, but I'm just trying to get us all settled and adjusted before I do that.
Like seeline, I find they seem to need me just as much, just in different ways. It also means it's nice for their friends to come over, and we can easily facilitate extra-curriculars and doctors appointments etc.
I feel like I'm kind of the slack for the whole family.
gotmychocolateimgood · 28/03/2019 17:16
I will be in this position soon as I'm taking a year out for my health - have been very unwell recently. The plan is to rest and recover during the day and do school runs, spend time with the children after school, prepare dinner etc. I need a slower pace of life now.
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