Help! I suck at this mummy thing......

[failure101]

Exactly that really.

My DC is 18 months old and doesn't know a lot of stuff that other children their age seem to know. Hasn't started talking either.

So as not to drip feed. I've had a terrible year, I lost my DF and have moved into a new house. My DP works all the hours god sends in order for me to stay at home but I seem to have got myself into an endless cycle of housework. I'm wondering whether I should have just gone back to work and put DC into nursery where they could learn all the things that I appear not to have a clue about teaching them myself! I'm an older parent and DC was a complete, but happy, surprise. I've never really been around young children or babies so a lot of this is completely alien to me.

We attend baby groups but this just makes me feel even worse than I already do. DC has a little friend (baby of a friend) who is 6 months younger and seems to be thriving!

I just don't know what to do or where to go for support and advice/help. I feel like a complete failure 😢

All suggestions welcome!

There are a few issues you've identified here. They all feed into the negative opinion of yourself as a SAHM, but I think they are distinct.

Firstly, children all develop at different rates. If you are concerned about his development, could you approach your HV for some second opinions?

Secondly, a child of 18 months has no need or desire to be around other children and there is no such thing as socialising at his age. However, if you'd benefit from some alone time to do something for you, then it might be something you could look in to.

Are you lonely? If your partner's job means a lot of your day is without other adult company then maybe doing a class through the day with a bit of paid childcare could be an idea, although financially not always possible.

Being a SAHP can feel like you are sodding sod all rather haphazardly and to no conclusion. I feel similarly with regards to housework. Have you heard of The Organised Mum Method? Annoying name but it might help you keep the relentless housework confined!

Sorry you are having a tough time. I doubt myself and my choices regularly, as I'm sure many working mothers do too. It's a hard gig. You are doing well.

Also, baby groups aren't for everyone. Your baby won't care if you don't go and if you feel worse for going then just stop!

There’s really not a lot you can do to alter the course of your baby’s development. His progression is just who he is.
If you would benefit from working by all means put him in a nursery, but he doesn’t need to go for his own good.
Motherhood comes with a large side order of guilt, inadequacy and imposter syndrome. But I can pretty much guarantee that if you had another baby and did exactly the same thing , it would turn out completely different.

I felt like I was totally rubbish at it too, but mine are both at senior school and thriving, with very little help from me! Well the things I feel I got right are broader things like their home life is very stable, my relationship with their dad is good, I’m quite happy with who I am now that I’m older. But I don’t think anything that I did that was child centred was good, and I Did very little. I just sort of tagged them along with me instead of specific kids stuff.

@mouthkisses thanks for the response!

I haven't looked at The Organised Mum Method (it sounds awful, but I'm willing to try anything!)

The baby groups only make me feel bad in that DC doesn't seem as developed as some of the others around their age. I mostly go because I have a little group of friends that I have made by going.

DC is a happy child and doesn't seem to care for company outside of mine or DP's and that's fine, I'm sure that will change as they age so I'm making the most of it!

I guess I am quite lonely, I quite often have visitors but I miss having DP around, although he works so much he's not much use when he is here because he's so knackered!

@Ohyesiam thank you for the reassurance! I worry that I'm missing something glaringly obvious.

DC does spend a lot of time tagging along with me and what I'm doing. I try and do a few things a week for their benefit - trips to the park, groups etc. Either that, or they are playing with their toys whilst I attempt to crack on with the million things that always seem to need doing!

You sound so like me. I’m glad you felt reassured, I thought I rambled off at a tangent! It sounds like you are getting it right to me.

I think that I was just worried that all these other mothers are spending hours playing with their children and teaching them all this stuff, and there's me struggling to get DC to stop throwing their food on the floor instead of eating it!

@mouthkisses I've looked up that organised mum thing and it sounds awesome! I'm going to start using this tomorrow - THANK YOU

Hi OP, my DS sounds similar to yours, he was a slow burner. He was behind his peers as a baby and toddler and it made me feel awful. I started to avoid playgroups as it made me feel as if everyone else's child was more advanced than mine. However, I know now that I wasn't thinking rationally, and now he's 3, he's absolutely fine.

@KellyMarieTunstall2 In the nicest possible way, I'm glad it's not just me!

DC was very advanced with the whole crawling/walking thing, will happily run about and play with a ball or Daddy. It's just the other stuff that's worrying me!

Thanks for the reassurance though