How do you deal with the loneliness of being a SAHP?

[TimeWoundsAllHeals]

I know there’s baby groups and things but if anything I feel like they make me feel worse because I go hoping to make a connection maybe or just have an interesting conversation and instead it’s all small talk about babies or worse peoples home improvement plans or even worse talking about going back to work (nothing against that, just I’m unemployable so it just reminds me of my inadequacies).

How did you go about finding people to share your interests with before you had children?

Mostly on my university’s IRC channel. Since moving I didn’t meet anyone who shares my interests.

It really sounds like you would enjoy and succeed in a computing job? The intellectual challenge, the problem-solving, some sociability/shared purpose (although programmers not always the most sociable judging by experience of my friend moving into that field, but in a bigger workplace you'll find 'your people'). If you already have a BA/BSc (sounds like your were at uni before?), have you thought about e.g. an MSc in Computer Science that would give you a final project to develop a specialism and careers support. Government do postgrad loans if it's your first Master's. You could study part-time then enter the job market after two years when your children a little older? I know many companies have targets for recruiting women. And would give you something to aim for?

I would say to try and find groups (though sites like Meetup/Facebook etc) that are linked with your hobbies and interests. You may not actually be able to go to events but you could talk to people online and start friendships that way. Also maybe look at things you could go to (not something you are especially 'into' now but an interest that could develop) that is something you could take the children too - but isn't aimed specificly at children - craft shows or something. Is there a Folk music festival maybe (as you said you like folk music) that you could take them to? Also unless your husband is working 7 days a week then make sure you hand the children over to him from time to time and say "your turn now".

My original BSc is in computer science but I only have a 2.2 and it was 5 years ago when I graduated.

Yeah a folk festival would be fun. My fear is I’d be way too shy to actually meet anyone in such a crowd of people. I’ll definately give it a try (there’s one in the summer).

I guess I feel I need more maths anyway before doing any further computing studies. I didn’t do maths a level and I think it really held me back. Especially as I’m really interested in some of the more abstract mathematical aspects of compsci.

Stick at it, you've got to get through the small talk in order to make any friends. I would never come in and tell someone about everything in my life without speaking to them a little first. It gets easier I promise.

I know lots of institutions do joint MSc in Maths and Computer Science - would that work? I think many will take a 2.2 as well and they won't care how long ago your BA was. Neither will employers once you've got the Master's (especially if the career break was for having children). Anyway, wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide!

I did look at local universities but there are two, one has very vocationally oriented courses and low entry requirements (I could get in but wouldn’t be super enthused with the syllabus) and the other has more academic courses and much higher entry requirements (sounds interesting but I couldn’t get in). There might be something more in the middle in other places (been trying to nag husband to get work in London where obviously a lot more is going on lol) but as long as I’m here it’s not much of an option.

Academic course worth a try even if you don't meet requirements. A strong statement can contextualise your grade and explain why you now in position to succeed in and make most of course. Student numbers down across the board at the moment: many institutions will consider lower grades. As long as you don't pin all your hopes on it, might be worth a shot.