How DH sees my mat leave

[Bellpepper]

He summed it up with:
"You've been to baby sensory and had lunch out! What is so difficult about your day?!"
We have a 5 year old at school and a 6 month old at home.

Tired of feeling the need to justify my need for a bit of space/quiet time in the evenings 😥

How do I get him to be less resentful?
Not easy to leave him with the baby- he won't take a bottle.

If you can leave him with the kids for a bit! Not much advice than that really, except it shows them how hard it actually is x

Go out all day , he'll soon change his mind ! Once weaning has started this will be easier to do.

All him if he'd like to take some of the shared parental leave towards the end.

Notice the men who say this never volunteer to stay home with the children all day or take sole parental leave while their wife goes back to work.

If it was so good and easy they would be queuing up to do it themselves.

I make a point of slipping into messages during the day to hubby all the stuff we've been doing so that he's not just hearing about all the fun bits. Me and DH message fairly regularly during the day so I might slip in 'can't believe it, actually got through to the drs and got an apt early so we don't miss baby massage. Reckon I can fit in a trip to the pharmacy to if in cheeky!' If not he had absolutely no idea of what my days actually looked like and how much effort goes into keeping the baby alive and well.

Another ‘go out all day’. It’s the only way IMO. If that doesn’t work then go away for a weekend (and leave them holding the baby obviously!), rest well and be prepared to clear up a shit storm of mess when you get back if you have too! It did the trick, pretty early on we banned the competition about who had the crappest day. DH arrives home and pitches in with whatever needs doing.

**In fairness there is no longer much mess to clear up when I do this now but we’re a few years in.

How do I get him to be less resentful?

In my experience, you don't. Men with this attitude rarely change. If you went out for the day then would he really get it do you think? Or would he take every short cut and easy way (lots of TV, sweets and whatever easy food there is, plus no chores), or get his/your mum over or do it for one single day and declare it 'easy'? Are you going back to work op? Has he considered how this will effect the dynamic?

My dh is fab, but naive. As above, thought I got an easy deal with the sahm stuff. Until I got gastro when youngest was 15 weeks.... I could not move, and for 36 hours he had to do EVERYTHING including taking care of me. 3 kids, 1 car, 1 sick wife, school runs, cooking, cleaning and washing. He has never been as frazzled lol but he is dam grateful he is not a sahd 😂😂

I did 2 weeks of kit days (at around 4/5 months) for both my mat leaves and dh took holiday. I highly recommend it for everyone, we both really enjoyed it and it's beneficial for both parties. Neither work or home are easy, they're just different.

Break down for him everything you’ve done in your day. Like everything. He doesn’t realise the juggle you have to do all day between a baby and a young child, home, school and yourself, errands meals, burping, changing, cleaning tidying, laundry, food shopping, getting everybody dressed fed and out the door in time for school, home and fed and happy- homework, school bits and bobs. Then probably broken sleep throug the night. It’s hard to get how you feel if he is in work. He might feel like your having it easy- it’s just probably that he doesn’t get what you do all day. Like you say it’s hard to leave the baby if they won’t take a bottle yet. Good luck hope you can get across all your doing.

Get him to take a few days holiday so he does the school run rather than a relaxed weekend and he can deal with all baby related stuff except the feeding. You should make sure you are unavailable unless feeding.

It is the only way he will see it. And surely if it is sooo easy then it should be a holiday for him shouldn't it?

I have been a SAHM for over a decade. Dh worshipped the ground I walked on because he knows that it can be boring as hell, lonely, monotonous and exhausting. His own Mother was a SAHM so he totally got all she did for him, she raised him well ]

My partner was like this and it didnt get better until I went back to work.

Yes definitely get him to do 2 days on the trot of all school run, getting 5 yo ready, entertaining 6 mo all day and you can come back at prearranged times to feed. He does everything that you do apart from the feeds.
6 mo is old enough for a sippy cup and some baby rice if he gets desperate