At home and losing confidence rapidly

[Rayn]

So - I have always worked full time or part time but last year became a stay at home parent to our 4 children ranging from 13 to 2.

My husband works away alot and can be called out at the drop of a hat so limits my working options and we have made the decision for me to stay at home as we have no family near by and a long waiting list on out of school clubs. I can't rely on him for pick ups, drop offs etc. I can't even plan the week as he only knows day to day where he will be working.

On the plus side his salary reflects this 'inconvenient' way of working so that is all good.
However, I have only been home 12 months and feel like I have lost my confidence already. I am 40 years old and always worked and had some work recognition. I just feel like I have 'lost my mojo' and cannot seem to get myself out of the rut. I feel all I do is clean and look after the kids. I want something for me but don't know what it is. Any ideas or recommendations on what you did when you felt like this and does that feeling go away? Feeling hormonal at the mo so probably not helping either!!

I felt the same on mat leave. The answer for me was to get back to work. It's bloody hard though and requires lots of juggling plus expensive childcare.

I'm a recent (17 week old) SAHM after our babygirl (only child) was born with some problems (H.I.E. and Arthrogryposis) and also always had a job. I'm already feeling like the "old me" doesn't exist. I love being a mum, but miss doing something for ME. We're forever going from physio appointment to casting clinics and it's all to be done inbetween feedings and naptimes and trying to get a routine etc. etc. So just these past few days I've been looking for ways to "rediscover" bits of me. I used to be a singer/songwriter and loved being creative and arty. How about getting your kids involved in your hobbies? Or try something you've always wanted to do...find a "new" you. Kids grow up and leave the house to lead their own lives, we sometimes forget that.

If your DH's salary allows, get a cleaner once a week!

Find a hobby that is for you and you alone. Nothing to do will your children. This may mean getting a babysitter once in a while. Think what you once enjoyed doing way back before children and jobs and husband. Have a look on meetup.com and see if something catches your eye.

I did some voluntary work. But I have to say the only think that worked for me to fully rediscover "me" was to go back to work. As you don't need the money, would it be possible for you to look for something very very part time that might still help you regain confidence?

Get a cleaner, even if it means scrimping some where else.

Can you get some help with childcare and grab a couple of hours a week to yourself or even a half a day at the weekend.

Did I write this under another name???
Currently trying to get a job in a school with the same holidays as the kids. If I go for something linked to what I did previously, I'm rejected as over qualified.
If I go for something I can show I've done many of the elements of, but in a different setting, the job gets given to someone with proir experience.
I'm festering at home, trying to persuade DH to get a new job somewhere that before/after/holiday childcare doesn't involve a live in nanny (I'm not in the uk).

I'm staring down the barrel of becoming a SAHM for a while - with DS1 I went back to work early because I didn't like being on mat leave, with DS2 I didn't really take any mat leave at all (and ended up quite ill so had sick leave involuntarily!!) so I have an idea how you're feeling.

You have to do something for yourself, doesn't have to be paid - train as a magistrate? Volunteer, maybe for Surestart or similar or at your kids school? If funds allow get a cleaner and then train all kids to pitch in with daily tidying. When is the 2 year old eligible for nursery hours? Are you getting any exercise? That was the biggest problem for me - feeling trapped in the house, no sunlight or fresh air.

What was your most recent job? Can you identify some transferable skills and keep them up eg be a treasurer for a charity/ school PTA to keep up some numerical/excel/bookkeeping skills?

I read something once that everyone needs to be in love with three things: a person (can be children or a pet or a parent or a partner but some other living thing), a project that is just for yourself (can be work or training), and a place of your own (can be a study, a garden, an office, but somewhere that is yours). If one of those is missing you can feel very trapped and lose confidence.

Could you afford childminder/wrap around care that does school pickups to enable you.to.go to work? 12months is long enough to figure out that maybe you need some work to keep you you. I also do a dance class called 'mum dance' its an hour a week but literally puts a smile on my face, look for a childminder or nanny x

I forgot to say also for you OP. I have everyone telling me at the moment how wonderful it will be to be a SAHM for a while (I'm being bullied out at work at present). And I have to explain how it just isn't just a long holiday and can actually be quite draining to confidence and happiness!!!

Have you looked at volunteering? I felt the same when I was a SAHM I now work part time. But I helped at my local church stay and play group and also at my local PANDAS group. I could take my toddler with me. I was working and helping. Gave me a purpose.