Does anyone else have very little help?

[Didntwanttochangemyname]

Well, maybe not 0...

DP and I have two small children, I am a SAHM and DP works full time and can be away for 10-14 days at a time with no ability to contact us.

We live rurally, a long way from our families, and while I have made friends locally, there is no one I could call on to help look after the children.

I'm exhausted. DC2 (5 months) is an OK sleeper but I'm breastfeeding, so it's hard work. DC1 (2) still wakes in the night but has stopped napping during the day.

I don't know anyone who is in the same position. Everyone else I know has a parent, or nursery, or something that allows them even half an hour to not be 'mum'.

I realise I'm very lucky to have DP & when he's home he's great, but when he's away it's so full on. I'm just shattered. He's leaving tomorrow for two weeks and I am tearful just thinking about it.

I had very little help when do was born (my 2 have a 19 month gap), the first 6 months were very hard. When ds turned 2 he started doing two, 3 hour sessions a week at pre school which was good as it gave me some one to one time with do. My dp is out u til around 7 every day and occasionally has to go abroad (2-10days depending on where he's going). I have lots a friends locally but no one I would ask to look after the kids. My sister will babysit a few times a year so that we can go out and we are obviously really grateful but I don't have any day to day help. It does sometimes feel like everyone else has two sets of obliging grand parents on hand whenever they need them! I find it's tricky getting to stuff where I can only take 1 dc, so ds 's speech and language appointments etc. Do has to use a lot of annual leave covering various appointments.

I have 2 (3yo and 10mo) and only dh to help. He's out of the house 6.30-5.30 though it used to be 6.30-7.30 or later in his old job. Not even any friends really as we moved area and I have social anxiety so no luck making new ones. No family nearby (my parents are opposite end of country, dh's a 3 hr drive away and still working). Never had any form of childcare, can't afford it and always felt ds was too young but now he's 3.5 he's got his funding and will be starting preschool next week for 12 hours a week. It is full on! I sympathise with you though I can only imagine how hard it is with your dp being away. Dh has had the occasional night away for work etc , and once a whole week during which ds got an ear infection and didn't sleep for about 4 days straight ... still gives me shudders thinking about it!

In general I survived the days with ds mainly by going out loads - all day often from after breakfast to 3/4pm. Groups, park, coffee, park, shops, park... and quite a lot of CBeebies when we were home! It's harder with 2 though. Dd only naps well at home and ds is potty training so feeling very restricted. It's definitely much harder when we can only pop out for an hour. No real tips ... as you say everyone I meet has grandparents or nursery sessions! Often the advice on here to any exhausted mum is to just leave the dc with someone for a few hours and take a break. Sounds lovely doesn't it! And the other advice is to put them in childcare for a morning or two a week. I never could for the reasons above, but is it an option for you? Could family come to stay for a bit while your dp is away? So long as they'd actually be helpful and not just more people for you to look after (my parents are mostly the latter!).

My mum raised 3 of us with no help and my dad working long shifts and being an old fashioned husband who did no housework etc. But I honestly think people didn't put themselves under as much pressure in previous generations. All fed none dead is sometimes as much as I aim for!

And that other phrase: this too shall pass. Your eldest will get their funding in a while, a while later they'll be in school ...

Sorry just rambling now but I hope things improve for you and you get a break and a chance to recharge a bit. Make sure your dp when he's back takes them out for the day at the weekend so you can sleep etc. Might be hard with bf but your youngest is nearly at weaning age so hopefully that'll get easier for you too.