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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

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Original poster

How much is reasonable?

19 replies

LB1291 · 16/08/2018 23:25

Hi!
I am a SAHM now, two children one tiny one pre school age. I have always worked in some capacity but now won’t be going back until the kids are much older/boredom kills me.

My husband has a good job and we are fortunate that he will be able to cover the bills. But...I do worry about how much is too much to ask for as an allowance?

I am on maternity pay presently so this covers my day to day things such as children’s treats, days out, beauty treatments etc. But do you SAHMs have day, an allowance from your husbands for waxing/beauty/hair/shopping on top of usual parenting expenses? What do you feel is fair? Do they grumble? I know it’s probably relative but would be interested to know. Thank you

OP posts:

Dairymilkmuncher · 16/08/2018 23:33

Husband kept putting in the same at maternity money when it stopped but ended up not being enough and really annoying if he asked me to pick something up but not transfer the extra money or he suggested I take the little ones out for soft play and ice cream but I'd be watching how much I was spending etc so ended up in arguments. Also very annoying having your husband well off being able to buy fancy gifts and go out as he pleases when you're on a tight budget but you're the one entertaining the kids and buying the food shop etc. Ended up with a joint account and since then worked out perfectly

SheisMammyof2 · 16/08/2018 23:38

An allowance! Are you serious?? Surely it was a joint decision for you to become a SAHM and the upshot being all of the money your DH earns is joint money. It's time to open a joint account.

ArfArfBarf · 16/08/2018 23:43

Don’t have an allowance. Have joint current account and savings accounts in my name.

popocatepetals · 16/08/2018 23:45

All money coming into the family is just that. Family money, and should be equally accessible to both of you.

You shouldn't be having to ask for pocket money.

pinkyredrose · 16/08/2018 23:46

You should each have the same disposable income regardless of who earns what. It's household income. Unless he gets an 'allowance ' too?

Holymolynowayimagreeingwiththa · 16/08/2018 23:54

All money goes into the joint account. Have done it this way since we got married and before we had DC. You should think about doing it this way whilst you are not working even if you would like to keep finances separate later. Finances can't really be separate when only one of you is working and the other looking after the children unless you have a source of income or your OH is going to pay you for being at home.

bellsbuss · 17/08/2018 00:00

It depends on what he earns , we don't put all money in one account. We have joint which all bills apart from food come out of and then our own accounts. OH transfers £1600 every 4 weeks into my account and out of this I buy all groceries, toiletries, anything the children need, days out and anything I need. It used to be a lot less when the children were younger but his earning power has increased a lot and I don't take this for granted.

Notso · 17/08/2018 00:00

We share whatever is left after bills, groceries and savings between us. I get two thirds of it as I pay for all the kids clothes, school trips, activities etc.

GripNeeded · 17/08/2018 00:04

WTAF. If your husband really gives you an 'allowance' then you need to get back to work immediately.

But this thread is quite goady, so I'm not sure it's real anyway.

PickAChew · 17/08/2018 00:04

He should be giving you full ac ess to the money that you need to run the household. Fuck any Idea s of an Allowance!

Heratnumber7 · 17/08/2018 00:08

An allowance? Have we slipped back to 1930?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 17/08/2018 00:11

When my husband was a SAHP I paid all the bills and shopping. He paid for everything else with his money. But if either of us couldn’t affford to stay at home then we wouldn’t have. Our money has always been separate.

BackforGood · 17/08/2018 00:15

An Allowance ?!?

Surely the discussion about who was going to care for your dc when they were small, was made by both of you. If one parent is doing all the childcare, looking after the home, etc., and saving all the money that would otherwise cost, then the income from the other parent's job is family income.

After all bills, and savings have been paid, then equal 'spare money' can go to each parent, for whatever they choose to spend it on - their own 'luxuries'

Iwantaunicorn · 17/08/2018 00:34

I’m a SAHM too - all money goes in the joint account, and we have a budget. All bills go out, we have a set amount for Spends during the week, and an amount which goes in a personal account each for spending on our hobbies which is just for us. Clothes, hair etc all come out of family money.

I’d be furious at having to ask for money, or being given an allowance - we’re a team, and it’s family money. We do have very similar attitudes to money which I think is a massive bonus though.

Pixiedust2017 · 17/08/2018 01:41

we had a "money talk" when we found out we were expecting. All money is now joint money. We both get the same "spending money" which was worked out after savings allocated. Haircuts are not part of this, nor are clothes as these are seen as necessities. But we are fairly low maintenance, I only get one haircut a year...
I'd be fuming if I had to ask for money for things and I specifically used the example "I'm not calling you for permission every time I want to buy a loaf of bread!"

LeeValley2 · 17/08/2018 01:47

Allowance?!??! Most couples share finances regardless of employment status. Can’t believe you’d think otherwise. My husband never comments on what I spend, except to encourage me to treat myself.

helpbeforeimelt · 17/08/2018 01:55

When dh stayed at home with our youngest whilst renovating our family home it all went in and came out of one joint account. It worked great for us as we didn't have much spare after bills to treat ourselves with anyway renovating a house cost a lot but it made sense for dh to do the work himself it we would never have been able to do it.

Now we both work full tine we pay an equal amount into a joint account each month to cover all bills utilities taxes insurances and grocery shopping.
We also transfer the same amount each month into a joint savings account.

Whatever is left in our individual accounts is our own independent money and anything extra needed for kids or house etc we pay half each.
It means he can save and buy what he likes and so can I.
We pool our money when we have work going on at the house so it's always equal.
Whether your at home or working both of you are contributing to family life so whilst your at home could you not both have equal access to funds?

SmallBlondeMama · 17/08/2018 01:57

Allowance???? We just have a joint account and all the money is "ours".

Graphista · 17/08/2018 02:05

This is the one area that for a short time my ex was completely reasonable over.

While I was sahm, in fact for the whole marriage, we had just one joint account we both had free access to.

Neither are spendthrifts, though he was less careful than me, which caused a few hiccups at the very beginning.

So my answer? No "allowance" simply free access to as mn says the "family money".

To be perfectly honest with hindsight and the benefit of experience, I'd have gone back to work sooner (ex persuaded me with 'childcare will cost more than you earn' argument which I didn't think not having mn at that point was ridiculous - cos half the childcare costs his responsibility! Plus childcare costs aren't forever, just the first few years).

That's not a judgment on sahm, as I say I was one - but being one meant when we split I was basically screwed!

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