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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

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Original poster

Having a bit of a wobble. Please point out benefits to being a SAHP.

17 replies

NotAnotherHeffalump · 09/08/2018 13:30

I handed in my 3 months notice yesterday. We have 3 DC, one in school, one starting nursery P/T in September and a 2 year old. We can afford for me not to work, although we will have to budget.

I did it because some aspects of my job could be very tough, and I would come very stressed out and was starting to have panic attacks. I also honestly believe this time with them is precious, and being so uptight all the time was making it impossible to enjoy it.

Just feeling a bit wobbly about the whole thing now. If anyone had any positive facts or statistics about being a SAMP, or even just some reassuring stories taken from their own experience I would appreciate hearing them.

OP posts:

Racecardriver · 09/08/2018 13:35

Well you font havr to go to work. That pretty good in my books. I suppose if you like spe ding time with young children you get to do more of that. You don't have to see anyone you font like (unless you are one of those parents who doesn't like their own children). You don't have to wear office wear (although you can't wear nice shoes so a bit if a trade off there).

VelociraptorRex · 09/08/2018 13:37

I don't have any stats I'm afraid, but I'm a SAHM, and it's so lovely to be able to see every smile, cuddle them whenever you want to, and watch them develop without having to hear it third hand. I'm thinking about going back to work (DS is 2.5), so this might talk me out of it! So many people have told me that if you can afford to stay at home, do it. They're only that age once!

prunemerealgood · 09/08/2018 13:40

No more scrambling to get out of the house in the morning, you can do the school run in joggers and nobody bats an eyelid (well some MNers undoubtedly do, but not real people).

Plenty of time to put into problem-solving in the family so if there's an issue or a big house job you don't have to feel it's impinging on work time. Ditto life admin. It gets done.

More time outside which is great for mental health.

Shutupanddance1 · 09/08/2018 13:46

No positive statistics but being able to be there and not worry about work stuff is pretty awesome. Not worrying about childcare when they are ill etc is great as well. No panicking over missing pick up/drop off. Being able to occasionally have a lazy day.

I don’t plan on being a SAHM forever, only for another year or so but my DH earns enough atm that I could stay at home if I wanted forever - which takes the pressure off immensely.

mothmother · 09/08/2018 13:53

Hey OP I am considering doing the same (although only have 2 dc). I started a thread about it and lots of people were saying it's hard to get back into work after. However, I'm sort of ready to play that by ear.

shutupanddance1 all that stuff is why I'm inclined to take a break from work for a couple more years!

My eldest (3.5) can be really difficult but also when they're sweet I love spending the time with them. DC2 is making that a bit difficult but I'm hoping it'll all shake out and be a lot easier without juggling commute, work, no headspace etc.

SassitudeandSparkle · 09/08/2018 13:59

I'm a SAHM and have loved it. Lots of time with your child(ren), able to help out at school if necessary (poss not for you with younger ones), no school holiday or sickness worries as you can cover it! No holiday juggling to get the same time off as your DH!

Original poster

NotAnotherHeffalump · 09/08/2018 14:08

I don't plan to work again in the same field. I do some volunteering at the moment, and my husband and I are quite keen to foster in the future.

It got to the point in work where I was just thinking of all the hours I was putting in, and what I could be doing instead, being there for the kids, volunteering, fostering....what I was doing in work seemed so trivial in comparison.

OP posts:

RomanyRoots · 09/08/2018 14:14

You can concentrate on providing everything but finances for your children.
That is a huge bonus, allowing them to do the things they want to without it having to fit in with work.
The freedom to come and go as you please and apart from necessary things for family, nobody to dictate your time.
Post what you like on fb
Time for you and still able to give 100% to the kids.
Leaving the circus skills like juggling behind.

SweetheartNeckline · 09/08/2018 14:19

Reread your second paragraph. Surely that's all the answer you need?

It's fab you have recent relevant work experience too - enjoy this time and then revisit paid WOH if you want to in a couple of years.

MinaPaws · 09/08/2018 14:35

There are loads of benefits. The top one is that you get to spend thousands more hours with your DC than you would if you worked. They are cared for by the person who loves them most in the world, not by someone paid to keep an eye on them. You get to ensure they have the childhood you want them to have. We spent hours outside, in parks, cycling, exploring muddy rivers. We curled up inside on rainy days for cuddles under duvets while we watched films or read stories together. We cooked together, did loads of art and crafts.

If you are worried about losing your sense of self (a perfectly reasonable concern - it happens a lot) just make some time for yourself to ensure that doesn't happen. Get a part time job from home. Having your own income, however small, is really helpful to self esteem, and to prevent men from thinking they are doing you a favour by paying for your upkeep, instead of realising the emotional and financial value of your contribution.

Try to sort out half a day a week when someone cares for the toddler, so you can do some self care - an adult ed course, fitness training or just catching up with friends whose lives don't revolve around babies.

I don't regret it at all.

FlotSHAMnJetson · 09/08/2018 14:48

-I don't have to go to work, but I have chosen to do some further education in my 'free' time.

-I can go for coffee and a cake when ever I want (with small children in tow)

-I get to spend more time with the dog (and children cough)

-I don't have to worry about what happens if my child has an accident or is sick, I can be there without feeling guilty for not being at work.

-Days out to fun attractions, National Trust membership comes in handy here.

-Staying at home is my job, rather than having a 'job' and having to run the house around it as well (husband runs his own company so if I worked as well there is no way we could split the workload at home)

-I don't feel like I have to cram loads of 'experiences' into the weekends, we can do something fun in the week and then there's less pressure at weekends.

-I can spend more time outside.

InDubiousBattle · 10/08/2018 08:42

I think the two main benefits are consistency of care and variety. There is no way a nursery could provide the variety of things I do with my dc, they just can't take them to all if the different places I do. I don't know of anyone whose dc haven't had a fairly big disruption in child care, be it a key working going on mat leave, moving rooms, cm retiring etc, obviously some have taken it in their stride but some have been very upset by it. I can give them consistency by being at home.

MrDarcysotherwoman · 10/08/2018 08:47

You are doing the right thing OP, my two are grown now, but with experience, I really think I would stay at home given the opportunity. Enjoy it! I'm now 50 hate my job and would love to have my two small all over again. Don't give work a second thought

Original poster

NotAnotherHeffalump · 10/08/2018 09:33

Thanks very much to everyone. So lovely hearing positive things.

OP posts:

Rorymum · 17/08/2018 11:08

I'm not sure if I'm a bit late to this thread, but my babies are much happier in themselves not being passed around as much. Better appetites for not being fobbed off with snacks all day, better sleep. They are happier. I feel a bit lonely sometimes but that's just me and im never satisfied!

ignatiusjreilly · 07/09/2018 15:06

A few of the things I love about being a SAHM:

Being outside more and noticing the seasons change.

Being my own boss and setting my own schedule.

Never having to worry about childcare.

Having more spare time in the evenings and at weekends as I do all the housework during the day. My husband has more spare time too.

Not having to spend 8 hours a day stuck in an office with people I didn't like much.

Being able to take life at our own pace and not having to rush everywhere.

And, of course, seeing so much of my kids while they're still young and want to spend time with me!

I've never regretted handing in my notice while on maternity leave. It has been hard at times but infinitely preferable to working.

dreamyflower · 15/09/2018 18:36

This was a fab thread to find. I have just gone on early maternity leave. Expecting second child next month and already have a 1.5 year old. I am not returning to work for a few years and yes am also a little worried. I've only been at home the last six weeks but already noticing my ds is much more settled. He used to be clingy but now he lets me leave a room without him etc. He sleeps better. He eats better and I am loving seeing him develop. Each day he learns something new. I missed him walk for the first time and I missed him crawl for the first time. I'm so happy I will be able to see the rest of his milestones. I love our cuddles in the morning, our walks in the afternoons and our trips to toddler groups. I plan the week in advance to keep busy but it is nice to know if I need to I can drop my plans and spend the day at home. We are now making mum friends- something I didn't have time for before. My DH is fab and the money he earns is our money so I don't feel restricted. Overall I think we are making the right decision.

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