HELP! SAHP how do you do it?

[HeyDiddleDumplings]

Hi,

I'm a SAHM to DS 3 1/2 and DD 1 1/2. I wanted to be around while the children were young and we are fortunate to be able to make it work financially - just. So I gave up/paused a good career in a rewarding field to be at home.

At first when it was just DS I enjoyed it, we got out loads, I found it fun and quite rewarding, it had its moments but on the whole I was positive. Now with two I find I'm just not really coping, I find everyday a complete struggle. It's a constant battle of cleaning, washing, shopping, cooking and I feel like all I do is fire fight with the DC and not really give either much attention. I get out with them but it's just not easy as DD sleeps in the morning and DS the afternoon. DS does go to Pre-school two days.

DH works long days so isn't around and I have no one near by the lend me a hand - so it's just us. DS is an early riser and DD doesn't sleep through the night yet. So I feel exhausted. Once they are in bed, once I've cleared away it's nearly and all I want to do is watch crap TV for a bit and go to bed.

I know I'm fortunate to be able to do this. But right now I just feel so down with it all, everything seems like it's on top of me and I'm loosing all sense of me outside of washing! I'm not sure if now is a good time to look for some work part time or if its just the ages of the DC and once we're over this hump the daily monotony will shift a bit and I might start enjoying it again?!

How do other parents do it? How do you carve out any sense of yourself? How do you not get constantly caught up with all the housework? I'd really appreciate some feedback on how other people make this work.

Thanks @FATEdestiny that's makes a lot of sense. I've been thinking a lot of swapping DS's days around, even if just until the summer, when hopefully DD will just be having an afternoon nap.

DH isn't home until both the kids are in bed. I'm fine at getting them into bed on my own - but means much of the clearing away is left until post bedtime.

Honestly, I went back to work, part time. I had to for my own sanity, I had twins so there was no chance of one at school before they other or and they had the same playgroup sessions or i would have spent most of the day on drop off / collection with one or the other.

Mine are 4 and 20mo. 4yo has preschool 5 mornings a week. Routine is key!!! Life is good but regimented. The first year with 2DC was horrendous and I cried a lot.

Current routine:

Every morning we get up, ready and out by 8.15am to walk to preschool.

DS and I are home by 9am. I tidy up the morning debris and put a wash on while he potters about.

9.30am we leave for various activities. Playgroup, rhyme time, swimming lesson, supermarket, park etc.

Collect DD from preschool on our way home then lunchtime. I hang up a wash.

By 12.30pm both DC have been well stimulated, fed and DS has had a lot of 1:1 time.

DS has his nap after lunch and DD gets some time with me. I'd like to say we used this time for crafting or puzzles or learning Spanish but we usually watch a film of her choice, snuggle and eat cookies.

When DS wakes we go out again. This will either be for DD's activities (swimming or dance class) or we'll go out on bikes or to the park or on an errand run or soft play (3 near us and each has offers on various days).

Home by 5ish each day for dinner.

Daddy comes home at 6pm in time for pjs, books etc.

DS in bed for 7pm.

DD gets an extra half hour to do whatever she wants with Daddy while I sort grown up food. She chooses colouring in a lot at the moment.

DH and I get our food and tag team a clear up and tidy laundry away.

By 8 30pm the house is tidy, the DC are in bed and DH and I are fed.

I record my TV shows to watch while I iron so it doesn't pile up too much.

I don't clean much. We have a cleaner for 3 hours each Wednesday.

Tesco deliver our big shop so supermarket visit is just for fresh fruit etc.

Not much help from me either but I'm a SAHM & SM, I rarely get any help at all.

I'm going back to work for my sanity!

I'm a SAHM with a 2.9 year old and a 4.5 year old. I think 18 months is a hard age tbh, very mobile, starting with tantrums, still slaves to naps...but not yet in any childcare! Both of mine went to pre school at 2, only 2 mornings any week but still it was a break. Ds does a full day plus the 2 half days now. I love being at home with them and although pre school helps with housework I prefer the days I have them both at home.

I would definitely recommend pushing your youngest to one long nap after lunch, it will give you so much more time.

Cleaning, cooking, tidying etc is a pain but I have systems for most of the housework and I keep the house organised, which in turn helps to keep it clean. We eat food cooked from scratch (whatever that means!)but by no means fancy or effortful stuff.

I go out at least once a week in the evening, usually to the pub, sometimes for tea with family or friends. Every now and then I'll take myself out for the day, go to a museum and have lunch or whatever.

I think there are loads of things that contribute to being happy with our set up (one ft worker and one SAHP), a supportive partner (much more uncommon than you would think among my friends, those who work or not), the area you live in, money, support, friends etc.

First of all - GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!

You are AWESOME for taking care of your children and making sure they're happy and healthy while your partner works.

It is so tough being a SAHM to two young children and trying to cope with their routines can get so overwhelming when you combine it with trying to keep the household clean and tidy.

My boys are now 9 and 13 and these days are long behind me but I remember feeling exactly the same way. It was tough. Even with just one of them at home during the day and the other at school I found it difficult.

My first piece of advice would be to try and organise your day a little. Not be regimented but perhaps when one of them is sleeping play with the other, and vice versa. Leave the cleaning until they're both in bed. Or not even then. The cleaning isn't essential every day and to be honest I lived in chaos for a few years! The most important thing right now is that you don't lose yourself. If you can get even 10 minutes for yourself it can make a massive difference to how you feel. If you're happy you're more likely to want to play with your children, clean the house, etc. Not that anyone ever wants to clean! 😂

Not many would recommend it but the TV can work wonders when you just need a few minutes. My eldest used to LOVE Monsters Inc, the Pixar movie, so whenever I needed some time for me I would sit him down and put that movie on. He wouldn't move for a good hour! My youngest wasn't like that at all and needed constant attention. It was tough. But I did find that giving him tasks to do, like a sticker book or colouring, kept him busy for 10 minutes or so. Just enough for me to get a drink and have a breather.

Have you tried going for walks too? I find going outside in the sun and walking somewhere quiet did wonders for how i felt.

Hope this helps. xx