If you have separate bank accounts and your partner gives you money each month...

[TheShapeofYou]

Do you routinely say "thank you"? This is the situation I've been in for around three years now, and I find it weird not saying please or thank you, but then we're married and have two children so why would I say thanks for paying for them and me?!

I have a monthly standing order to DW's account, and also make occasional transfers for large expenses. I am occasionally thanked for the one-offs, but it feels a bit weird - it's all family money and I'm just moving it to where it's needed.

Ataterf that's exactly how we view it - family money. Perhaps I should just ask dh to set up a standing order too, instead of having to ask for money 2-3 times per month?

Why do you have to ask him? Why don't you just set up a joint account for joint expenses and you both pay a certain amount into that each month, and retain Your own accounts for what's left?

DH puts money in my account weekly. If it was for ME then I would say thank you but it's money that goes on household bills. He doesn't thank me for paying my share of the bills!

Yeah I think you having to ask is the cause of the discomfort.

Why hasn't he set up a direct deb?

Once I went on maternity leave 5 years ago my partner started putting a few hundred in my account every month to cover my monthly outgoings like car, pension, phone etc. I now work a bit each week, but not enough to cover outgoings, so he continues to put the money in. If I've bought something for our dd or his family or the house he will say "Do you need any extra for that?" And if I do then he transfers the extra. I do tend to say thank you for that extra, but the monthly payment is just another bill coming out of his account.

DH has done this for me for years now. No I don’t say thank you! He’s aware that I appreciate it though, and I’m now looking for a job after many years out. My earning potential is tiny compared to his but I’d like to contribute a bit now, however miniscule.

Bluntness100 I don't work so don't earn any money.

Dh has always been a bit anti joint accounts. Not sure why he doesn't just do a standing order.

itallhappensforareason ah you pay the bills! He should thank you then, for being the household accountant I don't pay the mortgage or bills.

Tbf if I had access to all the money I'd probably spend it on shite I am rubbish with money and always have been.

Greymisty yup, it's the asking. He puts money in my account on his pay day, then tops me up half way through the month. It's just sometimes that doesn't last til next pay day so I have to ask for more. He's usually a bit "and have you spent the child health benefit already?"

Thebookswereherfriends your system sounds good

ThroughThickAndThin01 your situation sounds very similar to mine. Hoping to go back to work next year and have decided I need to do something which involves helping others and/or a lot of job satisfaction, cos my wages will be tiny compared to his.

@theshapeofyou I agree with you, I should be thanked and appreciated every day it's the other way round with us, DH is appalling with money so I'm the boss in that department. I just tell him what I need from him to cover bills and the rest of his money is his to do with what he likes (with my permission of course).

Ex would transfer me money for food and £80 spending money each payday (well, when I asked him to, which was always payday ). He'd sulk and lecture about me being rude if I forgot to say please and thank you. Me saying "could you transfer me the food money later? " without saying please, was enough for at least a full days sulking, then repeated if I didn't thank him fast enough when he did.

It was really quite upsetting. I hated having to ask for the money. Felt like being a child.

Me and my partner have just recently moved in together and we have separate bank accounts. He earns a lot more than me and pays all the rent, bills etc and I give him £200 a month.

@itallhappensforareason (great name btw) we both appreciate each other and all that we do, so that goes a long way. I've found in most of my friendship circles it's the women who control the finances, I'm a bit of an anomaly.

@Herja I'm sorry but that just sounds plain abusive. Emotionally and financially. I'm guessing it's a very good thing he's an ex?

@Winchester13 congrats at moving in together! Do you have children? Does he thank you for the £200 you give him every month or is it a standing order?

Thank you :) yes we have a daughter who is 4. I give him it start of every month by standing order and no I don’t really get thanked for it, I think because of him still paying a lot more than me and it goes towards our household bills.

We have a joint account which all the bills come out of and our own separate accounts too. My husband's wages are paid into his account monthly and then he transfers what is needed for bills & food to the joint account. I then take the month's food money and transfer it to my account as I manage all of the household shopping.

Husband doesn't give me any money and what he has left over each month (I don't even know exactly how much he gets) stays in his account as 'his money'. The child benefit and tax credits go into my account and from that I pay for our three children's shoes, clothes, uniforms, clubs, Haircuts etc. and my mobile and petrol/car tax. If I have anything left over I have to save it for when I need a hair cut/clothes, although there is rarely anything left over. I wish the money left over was all 'family money' but my husband has always been a bit funny about money and a bit controlling with it. I've given up asking him for money for anything as he always wanted to know why I needed it and it felt like an interrogation. I look forward to the day I'm financially independent again.

I’m a SAHM, My husband transfers £800 a month to my account for food, my mobile phone bill and for anything child related that me and my daughter do, oh and for our cats cat food. I don’t thank him every month but do sometimes say thanks for transferring the money into my account.