How much does your partner do...

[OnNaturesCourse]

I've recently been hearing things along these lines...

'but you're at home all day...'
'children are your work'
'... But he has work today/tomorrow'
'it's his day off'

I fully agree that everyone needs time off BUT being a SAHP is work so am I wrong in thinking there should be at least a few hours where I can simply not have the baby?

Comments like the above are making me wonder if I'm cut out for the SAHP role, like I should be able to do it all and still feel rested (sort of like rest when baby does...but I can just never find the time for that)

DP works hard but I do sometimes wonder if I ask too much of him at home, or not enough...

Our baby is a particularly difficult one in that they're 10 months and I can still very rarely stay in the house with them or put them on the floor without non stop crying so I literally cannot do all the housework/life admin I expected to do while I'm on maternity leave.

My husband sees going to work in the week as a break and when he's in the house, we share parenting and general house/life work entirely. This will continue when I go back to work.

My husband works away from home all week. So Monday to Friday we don't see eachother so I do absolutely everything in the home. He works really hard but when he comes home it's pretty much equal, if something needs doing he just does it. He also tries to do a lot for the kids to make up for not seeing them during the week.

DH does everything I ask him to.

He is not great at seeing things need doing or keeping on top of what the kids need, appointments, what to cook etc. Which used to annoy me.

But I realise that is how he is and have adopted a managerial attitude with him as my minion.

He would never refuse to do something and if he did he would get short shrift from me.

When DH is at work, I do what I can. Some days, that's more than others. When he's home, we split it. So I'll have dinner ready when he gets home but he washes up and puts the DC to bed while I tidy. He also does most of the night time stuff.

Just because he works, it doesn't mean he's the only one entitled to a break. We regularly catch up about it though, and check that neither of us is struggling or feeling hard done by.

My partner will come home from work and then it's his turn to be main parent for our son.

He also does house work. However I am far more efficient than him, for example, if I go to loo, I'll scan about and take whatever needs to go upstairs or whilst cooking I'll wash up as I go. So no matter what, I will always do more than him.

I get Fridays as my do not disturb sleep night and he gets Saturdays. Then we take turns the rest of the week.

It wasn't always like that. I did the majority of night wakings until I literally got too tired. As stupid as this seems in retrospect, I felt like it was my duty to do it all. But I crashed, my partner saw this and is now doing what he should have been doing all along, we just didn't realise it was an option, if that makes sense?

My hubby cooks and does the washing up. He also vacuums once a week. Couldn't ask for more

You should NEVER feel guilty for wanting a little time to yourself. If you're at home all day with the children then surely you're allowed a break right? Don't people who go to work get breaks, lunch, etc? Yes, but you don't and yet you're made to feel like you shouldn't ask because you're "at home" all day.

This is something that has always annoyed me about being a SAHM. Everyone seems to think that you don't mind being with the babies all day and you don't ever need a break, which is obviously nonsense.

For me I had to point out, in a rather loud outburst I might add, that I needed help. That I couldn't do it all alone. That's when Hubby started to help.

That was 12 years ago now, and with two boys at school I get time to myself every day.

If you prioritise time for yourself, at least 10 minutes every day, you'll all be happier.

Hope this helped a little. xx

50% . split the chores according to preference - I hate hoovering so do more washing up/loading empting dishwasher. I 'clean', DP is 'tidier' than me. Dp works full time, I work part-time so do the family 'admin' as I'm physically around more, kids in primary school. Kids also have some chores to do.We're both women if that makes a difference.

DH gets the dc up gives breakfast & gets dressed before he goes to work so I can shower and blow dry my hair.

He makes it home for bath and bedtime 2 week days.

He cooks 3 nights, I cook 3 ( we both enjoy cooking) and then take away the other night.

His home at weekends and is very much the hands on dad and will do the majority of child stuff over the weekend.

I go out for a run each night once Dh is home.

I go out with friends etc when I fancy too as long as I write it in the diary, if dh isn’t able to look after the dc due to work I ask mil or hire a babysitter.

We’ve got a cleaner for cleaning stuff as I can’t be bothered and neither can he!

It’s fine to want time to yourself after working all day, it’s also ok to want time to yourself after being home with dc. Point of being in a couple is that things should be fair

Yes, you are at home all day, looking after children.
He is employed during the day, and works.
So when he comes home he should be expected to pull his weight, maybe not a whole heap of domestics as you might be able to do something if your child/ren nap.
He should pick up any slack, help with dinner or caring for children.
Can he do bedtime, bath, story, homework etc.
During his day off he should be doing plenty around the home, everyone deserves downtime and time to themselves, but a whole day when you have dc isn't really practical.

Mine has always done at least 50%, plus all the DIY and maintenance, gardening, and some admin. He irons his own shirts, and used to do bedtime routine if he wasn't working at night. If he was, he'd do his share of domestics during the day.

A sahp is there for the children, to educate and socialise primarily, not to be the family skivvy.

I am a SAHD of two toddlers, and do all the housework (cooking, cleaning etc.). My wife does bath and bed every night. This works well for both of us, but we still struggle with how society views our roles: me with guilt of not bringing in the money and her with guilt of not being at home with the kids. The guilt - not to mention the judgemental peers - is the hardest part. As if our jobs are not tiring and stressful enough!

DP does basically no general housework, but does the vast majority of the home improvement type jobs - which we have an awful lot of as we are renovating!

I'm pretty happy with the split, he does the stuff I can't do and don't really want to do, I do the day to day stuff that he can't do when he is out of the house for 12 hours a day! On his days off, he usually starts doing jobs when I start doing housework, so it feels pretty fair.

I do as much as I can during the day as I know DH is out working hard too. When he comes home we share the work depending on how tired each of us is. I probably try to do a bit more housework than DH or let him have a lie in as I get some time to relax during the day while he is at work and he needs some time to relax too.

My husband works full time, and has just finished a degree. He's always worked full time; I've always stayed at h ome, and I'm currently a 'housewife'.
My dh is grea t, and I can't really slate him on anything. Before the kids were in school, he'd wash up on occasion, help with dinner, diy jobs, cut the lawn, and take the garbage out - he did the smelly jobs I refuse to do lol. The biggest thing with him is he actually ENJOYS looking after his kids he's a family man and he'd rather be at home then out with mates. So whilst he was 'babysitting' (btw, notice when a man looks after his own kids its 'babysitting', but with mums it's just expected), I could get the house looking like something you WOULDN'T see on 'Hoarders'. Or sit on my arse and read or something.
Another big thing is he s never once complain ed about the house. He's happy as long as the kids are looked after. If your house is spotless, your kids are probably miserable.
SAHP is hard. It's a job. If your kids happy and healthy, you're excelling in it. Don't beat yourself up.

My partner goes to work all week he sees the kids for about 10 mins in the morning and that's all when he comes home he's home for about an hour before the kids go to be and he'll literally just sit there and watch me still do everything while he sits in Facebook when it comes to putting the kids to bed I also do that on my own I feel like a single parent at the time he also doesn't no house work and just laughs when I ask him to do something 😡😡

nicola have you consider ed a cleaning strike

I do bloody everything
Partner works full time but in between is always busy doing "stuff" he will wipe the bathroom over with tissue .... wtf right?! And when I've made a comment that the ANTI BAC wipes are better and actually do the job ha! I get accused of moaning! I cook clean wash all day and if I ask for some time off I shouldn't have because he works all the time! I can't even get a job because he won't look after our baby who is an angel and sooo chilled bless her! But I'm fighting a loosing battle and it's bloody hard! Not sure I can stick this out for 4 years still she goes to school and made the mistake of not being married what have I done!!

@nicola129342 I feel you xxx I am a single parent in a relationship with the father it's tiring to say the least and babies only 9 months old so a very long way to go till nursery or school will help I think I've made a mistake in my life partner

@bandthenjust
I've tried that approach and I've just gotten abuse for it! I should leave shouldn't I ?! I love him so much but honestly as I wrote this I realised what the hell am I doing