Feel like I need a break, bad mother??

[Igglepiggle88]

I am a SAHM to my 14 month old DS. It goes without saying how much I love him but sometimes I just feel I need a break. My DH works long hours and at the weekend he either wants to relax or go and do his hobbies which he works so I understand but I feel like I never get a break. My life is just housework and looking after DS. He’s now in a really needy faze and he’s always pulling at my and doing stuff he shouldn’t! Then DH is getting frustrated that I don’t want sex.. but I’m just not interested anymore and I don’t know why. Any advice?

Hi igglepiggle. Are you me? I’m a SAHM to 1 year old and as much as I love ds I’m finding it monotonous, repetitive and very draining. Your situation is very similar to my own. I’ve decided to look for a part time job to get alittle of ‘me’ back and get a break. It will mean putting ds in a day nursery a couple of days a week but it’ll be worth it and I think it’ll do both him and me good. Is that something you can consider? Also you dh should be sharing child care with you when he’s off on the weekend. Where abouts do you live?

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Agree with putting toddler in nursery, at least for a couple of mornings. Maybe a gym with a crèche?

As for your husband, he needs to rethink his attitude to weekends. Working long hours is not a reason to shirk looking after a child, which is tiring and draining in its own way. Perhaps you can go out for the day so he can see what it’s like to be at home with a child.

Everyone needs a break. Your dh is being very selfish in spending the weekends doing his hobbies and relaxing. I go out at least once a week in he evening to meet friends or family - we sometimes go to a pub quiz or something. Every now and then I take myself off for an afternoon to do some shopping or watch some live music. You'll go nuts if you never get any time to yourself!

It’s totally normal to feel this way OP.

I’ve got a 19 month old and a nearly 3 year old and I’m a SAHM.

Can you afford to put your DS in nursery for a couple of sessions a week? Use that time for some you time. It’s inportant to look after yourself too.

As for the sex thing, from experience the more pressure and frustration from a partner can make things worse, have you talked it out with your DH?

If he works outside the home, and you work outside the home then when you’re both at home on evenings and weekends you should share the work load equally and get equal leisure time.

So
If he works outside the home, and you work inside the home then when you’re both at home on evenings and weekends you should share the work load equally and get equal leisure time.

Unless one or both of you think that work doesn’t count unless it’s paid work....or highly paid work....or the highest paid work?
In which case, I’d get made up and dressed up on Monday morning, hand him the baby and announce you’re going out job hunting

14 months is a hard stage. It’s absolutely relentless. an older relative once pointed out that even Jesus needed to take a break from it all, and if it’s ok for the Son of God to take a nap, why should we feel guilty for needing breaks when we’re only human. I’m not particularly religious but it did give me a bit of perspective.

Men who step up are much sexier than selfish, unsupportive men. Sounds to me like your sex drive is absolutely normal in this regard.

My DH didn’t instinctively value my contribution as a sahm, but once I learned to value myself and hold higher boundaries he fell in with that.

Take equal leisure time with him: if he wants to go out both on Saturday and Sunday, then he has to sort out his own childcare arrangements on one of those days.

My DH works long hours and at the weekend he either wants to relax or go and do his hobbies which he works so I understand

This is the problem. He now has a very young child. So relaxing and hobbies have to take a back seat. He's being incredibly selfish. Weekends are when you can share the burden of looking after a baby; take some time to do something all together.

And also, if what you’re doing all day doesn’t count as “work” then he can hardly object to doing some of it when he gets home, surely?

Or if he thinks it is work but yours because you’re not earning, you might need to consider if you want to be intimate with someone who believes in slavery.

I’m probably coming across a bit bluntly, but when I was sleep deprived and worn-ragged I simply didn’t have the mental capacity to work out the logical end point of some of DH’s attitudes and behaviors. It can be helpful to have something to say to make them think or at least squirm a little.

Your problem is your DH

You're not a bad mum at all for wanting a little bit of time to yourself
Most people do to keep themselves feeling sane.
Nothing wrong in it. You're still you. Try and go out for a bit by yourself for an hour, to a class or something you enjoy. If not possible, get out of the house to toddler groups and stuff as it's getting you out and likely to meet other people in the same situation too.

You're not a bad mum, your husband is a bad dad! Why does he get to do hobby's and relax at the weekend as if his life hasn't changed?
Tell him it has to stop.

You work too! Looking after kids isn 't easy, that's why you can pay to have that outsourced!
I feel for you. I 've been a SAHP to two kids who are 14months apart in age. So in effect two babies! Husband worked full-time, and did a degree so felt selfish for asking for time off. But I reiterate- PARENTING IS A JOB!! Its in yours/your kids/your partners best interests for you to have a break before you feel like you're losing the plot.
Is your little one sleeping through the night properly? Could you start off by taking yourself on a 'date' at home? Bath/film/junk food, all the generics, with no kid or husband hanging off you?