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SAHP

I've totally lost my enthusiasm for this

7 replies

pipnchops · 05/03/2018 17:32

And I feel so guilty. I am so lucky to have two beautiful girls who are 16 months and 3 years, but I am just not enjoying being a SAHM at the moment and I'm fantasising about going back to work just to get a bit of space from them so I appreciate them more. But I know if I did that I would really regret it one day as I won't get this time to spend with them again. I know I'd find it so hard putting my DC in childcare especially knowing its not a necessity, it would just be for my own selfish need to have some me time. I don't need to work for financial reasons. I'm just not coping very well at the moment, I'm very irritable, sleep deprived, and dare I say it bored. I'm a terrible mother for saying that. I don't think I'm giving the best to my children. I'm finding it so hard. My youngest just seems to constantly whinge at me and my eldest has to entertain herself a lot because I'm either dealing with her sister or trying to keep on top of things like washing up, preparing meals, doing washing loads. Essential household stuff. I'm just not enjoying them.

I guess what I want to know from other SAHMs is whether there is there light at the end of the tunnel or if I'm just not cut out to be a SAHM. I used to love it. Yes it has always been tough but the good outweighed the bad. Now it's most definitely the bad outweighing the good. I've even find myself wondering if I'm depressed. I just have no zest for life anymore it feels like I'm walking in treacle every day.

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Happies · 05/03/2018 17:39

I can totally emphasise. I personally do not enjoy parenting.... I love my dd but on the days I am home with her I find it can be a struggle... it's not to bad if we can get out and have something to do but like last week... we were stuck indoors all day and the days were long!!!!

And I say all this as someone who works 3 days a week and have one 2 year old! So I can totally understand how, after being there full time you are finding it a struggle.

Would part time work be a good compromise for you?

Don't feel bad and don't put yourself down. How often do you get to do things that are just for you? Do you go out? Do you get any break? X

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pipnchops · 05/03/2018 18:02

Thanks for your reply happies. I think part time work could be a good compromise or it could just add a whole other layer of complication to my life which isn't necessary. This could just be a passing phase and once DD2 is a bit older it might get a bit more enjoyable again. I think going out is key and I haven't been doing a lot of that lately because I'm so tired and the thought of going out just seems like too much effort. My DH works Mon to Fri and at the weekend is more than happy to take the girls out and give me some time to myself but unless I have something planned, which is rare, I just tend to do housework and I feel like I'm missing out on family time. Oh I'm just awkward. I just can't see the wood for the trees at the moment. Just hoping this is a tough phase.

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Happies · 05/03/2018 18:10

I totally get you. It's so tough.... part of me is desperate to have a weekend away or something but I know I would miss DD and I would just have a ton of crap to come back to so what's the point?
It's like constant guilt, constant thinking about what everyone else needs/wants. It's totally frustrating.

My DH wouldn't even mind if I took myself off shopping or something for a few hours but I worry about what I'd be missing out on by not being with them!

But you need to have some you time. Have a date night/day with your OH, take yourself off for a shop or something you enjoy. You will all benefit from it xxx

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pipnchops · 05/03/2018 18:15

Thanks. Having children is just difficult false stop. No matter what you do. Amazing in so many ways but difficult. I've just got to try and pull myself out of this slump somehow, wake up and appreciate the good times, however rare they seem at the moment. I'm going to make a note of all the times they make me happy and I feel like I'm doing a good job and try to remember those. I'm sure there are more than I'm realising.

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Happies · 05/03/2018 18:21

Of course they do. But seriously you need to do something for you! Anything! The resentment will only build, you can turn things around but it does take effort xxx

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Jemma2907 · 05/03/2018 18:31

If you can afford to use childcare for a few hours a week, do it! I'm a sahm with a DS who will be 3 in June. In June last year we put him into nursery Monday and Wednesdays 9-3. It was mainly for him as his speech wasn't coming along as well as it could have (it blossomed as soon as he started there!). I also thought it would help him with social skills before he starts school. It's been lovely for me to be honest. Especially through winter when I struggle more to find things to do with him every day. I'm due with DS2 in April and will send him to nursery on the same hours from 18 months. Don't feel guilty about it if that's what you want to do. The children will enjoy it and you'll have more time to do fun things with them as you can use the time they're at nursery catch up on things at home.

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InDubiousBattle · 05/03/2018 21:54

16 months and 3 are tricky ages. Mine are 2.7 and just turned 4 and they are much easier. Just a couple of things op;

  • Getting out is absolutely essential ! I know it can sometimes feel like more trouble than it's worth but I have always found it helps.
  • From turning 2 both of mine have had 2 mornings a week in pre school (so 2, three hour sessions). Ds now has one full day plus two morning sessions and dd just the two morning sessions. I use one of the mornings to blitz the house, which takes the pressure off the rest of the week and the other I have a coffee and look around charity shops.
  • I go out at least one evening a week. I meet friends, or my dad or sister. Usually just the local pub for a few hours but it's vital to me to get out
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