This is likely to be me. 13 years in and the youngest 2 are 7 so realistically another 11 years before they leave home.
I chose to be a SAHP in the early years and as the youngest are only 7 I still consider these to be the early years. I want to be there to get them out the door in the morning and to sort out homework and activities in the afternoons. With 4 DC, and no family around, childcare would wipe out any earnings I would make anyway.
I have done a fair amount of voluntary work over the years - some in a charity setting, but most within our churches. I ran a busy toddler group which was open twice a week and served over 80 families for years and that took a hell of a lot of time and work. I have also mentored and counselled many university students and being available during the day has been ideal for that.
I have also done a lot of hospital visitation, meal making, helping with housework for those who are ill etc since my youngest went to school.
I started studying again 2 years ago and loved it and I also love the fact that I have time to walk and run for hours - I'm an introvert and solitude is hugely important to me.
Having said that - I have had to give up a lot of my own things (including my studies) in the past year since my DH was diagnosed with cancer and it's been hard. I'd really just started doing things for myself in the last 2 years, for the first time since my eldest was born, and to have to give that all up to care for my DH and our 4 DC was hard. DH is now back at work and we are slowly finding our normal again, but I have lost a lot of confidence. I often think that I am nothing more than a skivvy to everyone else, despite having DC who actually are pretty independent and who are expected to do plenty around the house to pull their weight, and a DH who certainly does his fair share.
It doesn't help when you are constantly bombarded by comments about what you "do" and when we live in a society that totally devalues SAHP. Mumsnet can be a particularly brutal place at times.
I think we also live in a society where it is a certain type of woman who is considered a "leader". Those who are forceful, career women and often extroverts. None of these things are bad at all - but when you are the opposite of all these things you are also often devalued. Gentleness, introversion, kindness, service rather than career, domesticity, hospitality are seen as "less than" somehow and that's hard.
For anyone familiar with the Enneagram - I'm a 2 and most women leaders seem to be 3s or 8s. Sometimes I would just love people to understand that just because I'm a 2, just because I'm a SAHM, just because I don't have a career (nor any desire for one), just because I enjoy baking, just because I put effort into things like WBD, just because I do a lot of the menial tasks of life - doesn't mean I don't have a voice, something to say, value and worth as a leader.
Sorry - that became a bit of a rant.