Hi all,
DS is 13 months and I'm starting to wonder if I'm cut out to be a sahm. I was freelancing before he was born, and it made sense for our family that I'd give up work and stay at home. Being outside the UK, I also wanted to be home to give DS as much exposure to English as possible, so that he'd be completely bilingual.
However.
I'm not enjoying it. Granted it's winter, and we've had loads of rain and snow keeping us trapped indoors, but I suspect it's not just that. I spend my days waiting for DH to come home from work. DS and I spend a lot of time in his room, where he'll play with his toys and I'll relax on the sofa reading MN.
I'm afraid that perhaps I don't 'play' enough with him, but then he's still too young to understand which block goes in which shaped hole, and won't sit still for stories. He's a real live wire and constantly, CONSTANTLY active. It's exhausting.
He doesn't have any little friends to play with either. We moved to a new area in July where we know no one (I've made a few new friends at the local choir but they're mostly twice my age and no English speakers or young mums). There are no soft play areas or activities that I can find for me and DS to do that will tire him out other than hanging around tiny shopping centres. Our house is on the edge of a small village, well away from shops and the tiny playground, and the neighbours seem to keep themselves to themselves. I tried talking to the other mums at the playground before it got too cold to go, but their DC were much older than DS and they didn't seem particularly interested in welcoming a newcomer to their little group.
We used to live about an hour away from here and while I still have friends there, they're all busy with their own lives/jobs/DC, and even if I do go into town to meet them it means DS not getting his nap or something, so I end up paying for it later. We have no family nearby so nowhere I can easily drop in for a cup of tea and a bit of company.
DS goes to nursery twice a week to give me a breather and I work maybe 1 or 2 days a month, usually on nursery days, to make some pocket money. Other than that, I'm just at home alone looking after DS, and feeling guilty that other SAHMs are probably much happier and doing a much better job of playing with/entertaining their babies.
DH was away for 16 days in Jan and is away again for 5 days next week, which is probably making me feel even more isolated. I'm now thinking I want to go back to work so that we can buy a house closer to where we used to live and so that I'm not at home all day with just a baby for company. I don't know how easy it'll be to get a job over here, or how much I'll end up beating myself up for giving up on DS, but I'm not sure what to do to keep my sanity.
I also want to start ttc for DC2 soon, which might sound like a contradiction to everything I've said so far, but I really want DS to have a sibling and I have a low ovarian reserve so can't wait too long.
I guess I'm on here just to rant, but I genuinely want to see how other sahms manage to get through the day. The obvious answer is to get out of the house more, but other than going for a walk in the rain or driving to the supermarket, I'm not feeling very inspired!