Losing my mind 2 under 2

[Alwaystired4]

My husband is sahd and we have a 23 month old and a 4 1/2 month old. I should have gone back to work in January but have had to extend my leave because our new baby girl is basically horrific.
I love her so so much but she has the most horrific case of reflux imaginable. She sleeps for an hour at most and wakes up about 8 times a night, every night. And thats after the hour it takes to settle her.
Pediatrician says we just have to wait for her to grow out of it (shes already on special formula and medicine). Gp is completely and totally useless and has no answers.
I am so stressed and exhausted and im too scared to tell anyone how hard it is in case everyone thinks im a bad mum.
Me and my husband are so drained from 4 1/2 months of trying to console her and soothe her. We have no life. I dont brush my hair or my teeth and most days i have to hold pee in for hours in order to wait for the right moment to go.
I cannot leave her to cry it out because shes still young and just goes ballistic if left at all.
My poor toddler is desperate for attention more than usual because our baby girl is stuck to us all day.
When she is asleep i cant sleep at all because im just waiting for her to wake up again and my mind is on overdrive
There is no family at all to help and im starting to wish i was dead. I cant see anything beyond the toddler/baby tunnel that we're in and i really thought she would have gotten a little better by now.

That sounds really hard. First off, no one's going to think your a bad Mum, you have it tough atm.

Is there another GP at the practice that you speak to instead?

I would also try the parenting board on here and post asking about Reflux, see if you can get some support and other tips and advice? Only 1 of mine had reflux, and it was so long ago I only remember that it was horrifically hard, I don't remember what we actually did feeding wise.

I am no expert but it sounds to me like you need a second medical opinion, it does not sound right that you have been told to go home and wait it out when it is that bad.

I understand you don't want her to cry it out but you absolutely leave her to cry for 5 minutes whilst you get a shower and brush your teeth. Do you have a sling? I would divide and conquer, one of you can take your toddler to a toddler group in the morning and the other can take the baby for a walk to sleep (push chair or sling). Everyone gets a nap during the day on their own- one of you takes them both out for an hour or so to give the other a period of rest time.

My twins had horrific reflux caused by their prematurity.

I'm afraid you have to leave them to scream for a couple of minutes to shower, wee etc. As long as they are safe they won't come to any harm. I used to strap mine in their bouncers in the bathroom.

What medication is she in? Is the dosage right? It goes up with age. Are you giving it at the right time?

We also weaned early at 5 months under paediatric advice - I'm not suggesting you do this without advice - and it helped with discomfort but not the vomit.

I had two children under one. I completely know how you feel! I promise it will get better! Despite medication- I was advised to wean early at 4 months. The hv had weaning class i was I invited to attend. Pretty much yogurts- homemade pureed soups- cheese etc. My son practically lived on yogurts and soup for the first year.It would take me a hour to feed him 1 oz of milk. Could this be an option for you? Looking back I probably would have sent my eldest to nursery for a day or two just so that he was entertained and I had a little breathing space while you work things out. Try not to stress and feel anxious at every feed....it will get better.