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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

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Original poster

How do people do it

20 replies

helloworld123 · 10/12/2017 19:34

Hello, I'm currently a "SAHM" and would love nothing more than to work, I really would. But how do people do it?
My DP works full time and brings enough money in to support the household so it's not as if I NEED to work to survive but would love to for the interaction/getting out the house/being challenged etc.
However, DD goes to nursery 4 times a week for 3 hours a day so no one will employ me from 9am-12pm and trust me I have tried. But other than nursery we have NO other childcare. DP works awkward hours which means it's just me and DD a lot (when she's not in nursery) and we don't have family or grandparents who can babysit. Ie pick DD up from nursery so I can work more reasonable hours.
So I would love to know how other people manage to work? Or is it just something to get used to until children are in full time education?
Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

Afreshturkeyplease · 10/12/2017 19:35

People pay for childcare in private nurseries, with child minders or nannies

Rainshowers · 10/12/2017 19:36

Is he at a pre-school rather than a private nursery? If so, I can see how hard it would be to find anything that would fit round their hours. My DD goes to a private nursery (open 7.45-6pm, 51 weeks a year) which is how I manage to work. Is that not an option for you? Or alternatively a childminder who could pick him up from nursery and have him in the afternoons?

SandysMam · 10/12/2017 19:37

Work weekends (if partner is off) and private nursery for in the week. It is hard but not impossible! Now my oldest has started school though I do feel a little bit sick at the thought of how to cover the holidays!!

AlpacaLypse · 10/12/2017 19:39

I just gave up on working outside the home until the twins went to school. I then started my own dog walking business, as I didn't want to commit to inflexible hours until they were a bit bigger and also I desperately wanted a puppy but DP didn't, so this way at least I got to be with dogs. I was going to move back to publishing industry later.

As a matter of fact the twins are now at university, and the dog walking business now has eight staff...

Ecureuil · 10/12/2017 19:40

People pay for private nursery. They usually open 7am-6pm ish.

Hanuman · 10/12/2017 19:41

People pay for childcare.

LockedOutOfMN · 10/12/2017 19:45

You could be self employed between 9am and 12pm; the only job I can think of off the top of my head is cleaning unless you work from home doing something like proofreading.

I'd suggest putting DD into nursery for longer hours and therefore working longer hours or getting a childminder for the hours when you're working and DD isn't at nursery.

Or you could arrange a childcare arrangement with a friend who lives nearby where you look after their child for two half days or so when the friend works and they reciprocate - proceed with caution as both you and the friend will need to be utterly reliable and probably flexible too.

Or ask DP if he wants to be a SAHP or go part-time to look after DD while you work.

WillowWept · 10/12/2017 19:46

If you don’t need the money you get your interaction/getting out the house/being challenged elsewhere.

I was a SAHP for 5 years I rode, volunteered, gardened, read more than I ever had, baked, went to the gym, book club, campaigned.

Now DH is a SAHP and he runs, cycles, sea swims, is doing a cooking course, paints...

user7654321 · 10/12/2017 20:58

I need to work. Being a SAHM would drive me crazy (personally, I know others who love it. So my DS goes to a private nursery. It’s open 8am-6pm Monday to Friday which fits with mine and DHs office hours

Jubejube1 · 10/12/2017 21:02

Pay for childcare. Or work night shifts & sleep in the 3 hours she’s in nursery.

cestlavielife · 10/12/2017 21:05

You pay for before and after nursery childcare. So a chikd minder or nanny or au pair etc
The costs come out of the total family income not just yours

PeaceLoveAndDixie · 10/12/2017 21:07

How about 2 long days in nursery instead of 4 mornings?

tiptopteepe · 10/12/2017 21:08

'work night shifts and sleep the 3 hours shes in nursery'

WTF?!?!

Im a sahm because my wage would not be worth what i would have to pay in nursery fees to make it.

Luckily my husband earns more and so I dont have to claim any benefits.
But OP you are entitled to those benefits they are there to help you. When your child goes to school which isnt long off now then you can work longer hours but please dont get down about yourself for not killing yourself trying to make your own money. Raising your child well is also an important job and im sorry but anyone who works nights then tries to take care of their child with only 2.5 hours sleep a day regularly, is not looking after their child well. No one should be having to do that its disgusting that some people are in a position where they have to.

WillowWept · 11/12/2017 19:14

work night shifts and sleep the 3 hours shes in nursery

jujube is trolling or stupid.

Chaosofcalm · 11/12/2017 19:16

We pay for childcare as we also don’t have any family who can/will baby sit.

I am thinking of become a SAHM

PeaceLoveAndDixie · 11/12/2017 19:50

work night shifts and sleep the 3 hours shes in nursery
I actually did this for a while except that dcs were 8m and 3yo so only the 3yo went to nursery I was young then though! I’m still not sure how I survived! I literally only catnapped when dd did and then went to bed as soon as dh got home.

ferrier · 11/12/2017 19:52

Realistically, a lot of jobs don't pay enough to be able to afford childcare. So it only works if you have sources of free childcare or can work when your partner is at home.

Floralnomad · 11/12/2017 19:57

I also did nights and slept whilst the dc were at nursery in the mornings , only a couple of nights a week but it actually works very well if you have no other childcare or don’t want to use other childcare .

PeasAndHarmony · 11/12/2017 20:19

I worked 9-5 (compressed hours so 30 min lunch) 3 days a week. DS in private nursery 8-6 those days (30 hrs a week).

Once he turned 3 we used the 15 hours free childcare during term time and topped it up another 15 hours ourselves. Had to find the whole 30 hours ourselves in holidays.

Nursery let you take the kids out for 2 weeks on half fees each year so we used our annual leave for that.

My employer is signed up to a childcare voucher scheme so that helped as was tax efficient.

But basically I didn't earn much till DS went to school and I only had to pay for wrap around care! I'm so glad I did keep working though as it was good for my mental wellbeing and my CV.

nightshade · 11/12/2017 20:26

Childminder...when Dd2 was two I would leave her off before nursery..Childminder would take her and pick her up...

Only worked part time but with two dds childcare was half of my monthly salary..

Even so it was half a salary I didn't have before working...oldest is at secondary now so I only have one child to pay for!!

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