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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

To be jealous of DH's social life

23 replies

PasstheStarmix · 08/12/2017 10:26

Hi, I'm currently on maternity leave and have always worked full time prior to this. I won't be returning to work due to various circumstances. Don't get me wrong I appreciate that I get to stay home with ds so much and he's amazing. I've not been phased by not being at work until now Christmas is approaching. I'm starting to miss Christmas parties etc. DH has his Christmas parties and work events this week and I want him to go and have a good time. Can't help but feeling alittle jealous though. This is the first year I don't have anything on. I know it's stupid because if I was at work I would find being there highly annoying and want to be home again! i feel a little left out of it all and like everybody else had Christmas parties and fun stuff to do and I'm at home with baby. I really can't win! I also used to wish I was off at Christmas time as used to work all over most of it. It doesn't seem as much of a treat when you're off all of the time somehow.

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Nancy91 · 08/12/2017 10:30

Can you arrange a Christmas night out with your friends? Remember just how bad work Christmas parties can be and the walk of shame into the office the next day - who would want that?! Grin

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 08/12/2017 10:34

Ah I know how you feel and I still get a little green eyed around this time.

I just think you have to make your own social events if you don't have a work's do to attend.
Make some dates with your friends, evening ones so DH can look after DC while you enjoy yourselves, did you do NOT or have any groups of SAHM friends/parents?
And keep reminding yourself that you have the benefits of not working all the rest of the year!

I do get how you feel and it is pretty isolating at times. Make your own 'Christmas do' and make sure your DH supports you and gives you time off too.

PasstheStarmix · 08/12/2017 10:59

nah I don't have anybody sahm friends or mummy friends and think that's part of the problem. My friends don't have kids and work full time so our lives are very different. My childless friends haven't been the best to be honest as I don't think they understand too well. DS never did well at baby groups when he was younger as he was a fussy reflux baby that didn't nap when out so while experience was one big nightmare. Now he's getting abit older and sleeping better I think he might start to enjoy them soon. I might pop to one of weather isn't too bad as I'm on foot but only about 30 min walk.

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PasstheStarmix · 08/12/2017 10:59

whole

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PasstheStarmix · 08/12/2017 11:00

if

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PasstheStarmix · 08/12/2017 11:02

Also ds hasn't been on own with dh yet unless I've been in shower or upstairs and at occasion appointment like dentist, doctors, hairdressers. He's only ever been with me. When I leave for too long he cries for me. Don't know how he'll be if I was out house completely for afew hours.

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LambMadras · 08/12/2017 11:51

I feel the same. This is my 4th Christmas at home with kids. DH had his party in London last night and stayed in a hotel. It's all lovely long lunches and boozy evenings. I'm insanely jealous because I used to get dressed up and do the same. Now I'm at home in my Pjs every night going to bed at 9 knowing I'll be up early again.

I feel your pain OP. Thanks
If you are in my area I'll have a Christmas party with you 🎄

AmethystRaven · 08/12/2017 12:04

I used to feel like this but it doesn't really bother me now and I quite like being at home in the evening. On the rare occasion I do go out I find myself looking at my Pj's longingly!

glow1984 · 08/12/2017 12:09

You’ve got to get DS used to DH, purely cos you need to have your own social life. DP and I take turns so that we can both see friends regularly.

PasstheStarmix · 08/12/2017 12:18

Aww thanks everybody. LambMadras You bring the drinks I'll provide the nibbles Grin

I don't live near London Xmas Hmm

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PasstheStarmix · 08/12/2017 12:21

AmethystRaven I wish I could feel like you. How old is your little one? I need to be content with what I have and stop thinking everybody else is doing something more exciting! I just see the Christmas lights and think I should be at a party then think I'm a Mummy no and feel ancient!!

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PasstheStarmix · 08/12/2017 12:21

now

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LambMadras · 08/12/2017 20:08

PassTheStarmix DH said his night was average. Tons of people packed into a small space shouting themselves hoarse over the load music. It actually sounds like my idea of hell.
I tend to think everyone is having a fabulous glamorous time but actually the reality is the opposite.
My plan now is to embrace the staying in. Good box set, box of chocs, bottle of wine, job done. Grin

PasstheStarmix · 08/12/2017 20:20

Haha too right. These things are overrated aren't they!?! I need to remember that. Dh has got back early from his tonight, mind you it did started in the afternoon. He didn't really enjoy party that much either and said it was nothing special. He said he's rather be at home with me and baby ds.
Despite a small part of me still missing nights out I'm with you there- good movie, some nibbles, couple drinks and Christmas lights on all cosy in house with no freezing cold wait for taxis!!

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fizzthecat1 · 08/12/2017 20:33

Waaaaaa. First world problems

PasstheStarmix · 08/12/2017 21:05

fizzthecat1 haha like the rest of MN

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LambMadras · 09/12/2017 01:17

fizz wow what a constructive and helpful way to contribute to the thread. Not.

IHaveACuntingPlan · 09/12/2017 03:36

I think I understand because I sometimes feel the same. I gave up a long term post that would have become a permanent and well paid job when I got caught on with ds 7 years ago. Since then I've had another child, my only friend left to work elsewhere and I've only been able to get work on a short-term basis so even though I work I'm not part of a team and don't get invited out to parties etc. We also have no money so I couldn't afford to even if I was. I am often lonely and feel as though I've lost the person I used to be.

Dh on the other hand works full time and has worked for the same company for almost 10 years. Every now and again he wins trips and attends events as part of his job and at the end of the summer holidays he and a few workmate had a long weekend in a 5* hotel in a hot, sunny resort somewhere in Europe. The green fog of envy didn't half cover my eyes: I had spent the whole of the previous 6 weeks trying to entertain 2 dc (albeit school-aged but still young and need looking after) all day, every day on no money and the weekend if his jolly outing I was treating, and being treated for, headlice as well as having
to cope with one dc having had horrendous d&v and all the literal shit that brings. Add pmt into the mix and I was positively green when dh posted pics of his room and the view from his balcony on fb.

The thing is, if I had had the choice, I would hate to go on a trip somewhere hot & sunny - that kind of holiday is my idea of a nightmare. It is pure jealousy on my part and sometimes I really struggle to cope with it.

I think op that, although a night on the tiles might not be your idea of a great time now, you might still benefit from somehow getting time to socialise and relax and enjoy time by yourself as an adult and away from your baby, even if it's something like a meal or a trip to the cinema or the gym. Try, if you can, not to lose sight of yourself or to only see yourself as your child's mummy; remember that you are still you as well.

nameshelpplease · 09/12/2017 07:06

How old is your little one? Could you and your DH have an evening out and get someone to look after the baby? Go for a few drinks and a nice meal?

My DH is going out to a few parties and nights out over Christmas and part of me wishes I was getting dressed up and going somewhere nice too. But we're having one night out together along with some friends and so I have that to look forward to so I don't feel totally left out.

ChippyMinton · 09/12/2017 07:40

Keep in mind that the baby / SAHP years will pass, and your life will take on different shapes as the DC get older and more independent.

PasstheStarmix · 09/12/2017 09:02

Thanks everyone.

nameshelpplease That sounds nice but unfortunately me and DH haven't been out once without DS since before he as born. He is 9 months old. We have no child care. Crap/estranged grandparents (all became that way after ds was born) but that's a nother story!

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PasstheStarmix · 09/12/2017 09:02

was

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PasstheStarmix · 09/12/2017 09:11

And like another poster said we don't have loads of disposable cash either now I'm not getting my wage but even just me and DH doing something cheap and not costly would have been nice but I guess most people on same situation in regards to no able/willing babysitters.

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