WWYD if you had the choice

[Neoflex]

First baby on the way. Instead of me taking 1 year maternity leave, dh and i have decided to split. Both will be part time, so 8 weeks after birth I will go to work 2.5 days a week.
Money isn't an issue. It's just that being equal in our relationship is really important to us. So we decided this was the best way to keep the healthy balance in our lives. Dh is over the moon, says he always wanted to be a hands on dad. I trust him 100 percent to be an excellent parent.

But if you could go back and do it all again, and had the luxury of choice, what would you do? Do you wish you had hung on to your career? Or do you wish you had spent more time with your babies when they were young?

Some people say I'm being naiive about how I'm going to feel. I don't really want to get into this discussion with other people I know cause they will probably end up feeling attacked. E.g. i say I want my dh to have a fair chance to be involved and bond, friend A feels criticised because her dh works away all weekend and never sees child.

But I would like to really get some opinions and maybe it really is better from strangers after fishing out trolls

Am I being realistic?
How hard is it really?
If you could go back and do it all again, what would you choose?

(Please be honest but kind, I didn't post in aibu. And this isn't a breastfeeding thread).

We have a breast feeding room at work. I am planning to express from birth, switching between boob and bottle. I have bought a super reviewed and expensive double electric pump that I can take to work and use in the room. It has a fridge where I can leave filled bottles. But maybe I can't bf at all. It will be how it is, I can't put my body under pressure to fit a time line so i am not ruling out formula.

Again, I know this isn't a feeding discussion but expressing from birth can really mess your supply up. Also, you may not be able to express as much as you like - I ebfd my ds and he thrived BUT I couldn't express more than 2 or 3oz a day. Even with my fancy electric Medela. Its was v frustrating. If you're happy to go to formula then of course that won't present any problems to you on the feeding front.

I guess I'm trying to say, it's great to have a plan. But be prepared for a 8lb bundle of love and pp hormones to completely screw those plans up 😊

DD didn't sleep through til 6 months - there's no way I could've gone to work as well!

I'd wait until the baby is born - men have less patience

In France its standard to go back at 13 weeks. Never gave it much thought apart from panicking about how I'd ever leave the house on time. DC2 meant 2 child minders which added to the stress. Bloody glad I went back to work even if it was with less enthusiasm and energy. My ex was a wanker though and even though we worked for the same company and same hours he never ever took the kids to or from the child minders or walked the dogs or anything. Tosser.

I went back at 6 months and my DH took over. My son didn't sleep through until 11 months. I expressed milk for him until he was 10 months - used to get over a litre a day. I expressed exclusively as my son has a cleft palate.

I think good luck with your plans but remeber why you had your baby in the first place I'm sure it wasn't to rush back to work to sit pumping milk instead of getting to know them at home and giving them a cuddle. Take th extra holiday you have

I'm another who had CS scar troubles - there was a hole in my belly for 8 weeks! And DS just would not have been ready for me to do what you are suggesting. He refused bottles, fed every 2hrs day and night and would only sleep upright on me (DH doesn't have boobs, not comfy enough apparently). It will depend what kind of baby you end up with. Both of mine were high-needs babies, but I could see others in my mother's group who had easy babies and they would have been fine to do what you are planning. Just go with the flow.

I would have done this after a year, but not after 8 weeks. I felt being at home was the reward for going through all that.

No way after 8 weeks. No way!

Babies don’t really settle down for the first first three months at least and even then if you’ve got a “good” baby. If you’re BF, you’ll be doing night feeds - it’s not easy to BF in the day and formula feed at night. Night feeds plus working = killer.

I wouldn’t do it this way at all.