I'm a little confused - did you expect your dh's work to take his partner into account when changing his holiday?
I'm sure somewhere here there's a good post or thread about the long term benefits of working even if there is little short term gain e.g better prospects, better future pay, pension etc.
Would it not be worth working even for a small amount of profit for the longer term benefits?

Are you a sahm because you're a woman or because your dh earns more than you? Dh and I have both done this role for short periods of time when dc were very little depending on who was earning what. Dh also worked nights for a few years. Is that a possibility?

Your post resonates so much!
But I want to say - you do work dammit, you work damn hard! So yes, you are absolutely deserving of respect, time off, nights out and all that! Your employed husband needs to think about the FACT that without your work (and the personal financial sacrifice this entails) your joint household would have to pay a childcare provider, who'd be entitled to pay, sick pay, paid holidays and would be a great deal less freaking accommodating of his shift pattern! In short, would he actually be able to do what he does work wise, without you there to do what you do unpaid??! 😮

It is your dh who is responsible for swapping the holiday without consulting you. It is your dh who is responsible for fixing his shifts the Monday and wednesday (although I don't see why that is a problem) and it is you who is responsible for not going back to work. It is also most certainly beneficial to work in the longer term even if it means working at a loss in the short term.

Aloso both you and your husband would be paying for childcare not just you.
Get back to work, sahm is tough and not for everyone.

I'm sick of having to be the one that stays at home just because I'm a woman. I won't get paid as much as my husband does now so we will lose massive amounts!

You are the sahm because he earns more. Not because you are a woman.

Women who have husbands that stay at home arent getting treated any different. Women arent either.

You dh agrees to change his holidays. He is the one insisting if has to work certain days.

You issue isnt that woman who work with kids get treated better. Or that women with kids and sahd get treated better.

Your issue isnt that work didnt consider you.

Your issue is you dh insisting he has to do certain shifts. Changes holidays eithout consulting you etc.

I don't really understand. If you worked too, what exactly would your husband's work be doing differently? What allowances would they be making? And if he were a woman and you were a stay at home dad, what would the difference be?

Yes I think your DH needs to stand up for himself more at work. He is just as entitled to consideration for time off at certain times for childcare needs/family holiday as the women he works with, so this is something to think about- My DH sometimes does need this as we both work and juggle childcare between us. Could you find some work at times he's off? It would probably help you to have some alternative occupation for a few hours per week even if it's not well-paid or very interesting. (Bar work? Working in a care home?)
Also you need to point out to your DH you are just as entitled to go to the gym or out with your friends as he is, it's a shocking attitude to say that you 'aren't working' when you are looking after the children for you both, it's bloody hard work.

Go back to work.

Even if the cost of childcare is such that - in the short term - there is little or no financial gain. There are so many long-term consequences of having extended periods out of the workforce.

I sympathize with everything you're feeling. I was a SAHM for a while and hated it. Even though childcare is expensive, going back to work is the best thing I ever did. Because everything you've said is true - your husband's career will progress as yours stagnates, you'll be financially dependent on your husband. The list goes on.

I think you're feeling a bit sorry for yourself (not surprising at this stage in the school holidays!).

I presume your children are at school as you mention the holidays so I would suggest that as soon as they are back you have a look at careers and opportunities that interest you.

I'm sick of having to be the one that stays at home just because I'm a woman

That is just so wrong. And it does sound to me as if being a SAHP doesn't suit you - it sounds to me as if you need to get back to work. Not because there's anything inherently wrong with being a SAHM, it just seenpms all wrong for you as an individual.

It's not uncommon to work off a while for little more than childcare. But it's still worth it because it keeps you in employment, building your CV, possibly getting promoted etc.

It is not a given that a woman will be the lower earner. But can all too easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy for those who take lengthy career breaks.

Where do you want to be in 5 years? What do you need to start doing now to get there?

Go back to work. Work at a loss or for not very much because longer term it is much better to keep a hand in. I could never have been a SAHM because I'd have gone insane.

Who do you feel looks down on you as being lazy?

Because I'm seen as not being entitled to these things because I don't work whereas my husband works so he deserves to go out with his. Friends and to the gym because he works hard and earns the money. Says who exactly?

As for the holiday swapping, your husband chose to swap, this could be viewed as doing a work mate a favor or being a pushover. Who knows, she may return the favor in the future. Being the one who can ALWAYS do the Monday/Wednesday jobs may mean that he is seen as reliable, this in turn might mean that he is in a better position for promotion.

I used to HATE being a SAHP and I did go insane, I was always a I couldn't be a SAHP type of person. Life meant that I had too (we simply couldn't afford to run at a loss and have me go back to work) so I have had to make it work.

I don't feel looked down upon for not working a paid job, I have hunted down (in a non stalker type way obviously) a great group of friends and regularly go out and spend money on myself. I have seen it as investing in myself so that I can get back out there when the opportunity arrives.

School holidays can be gutty, but try and re-frame and look at the positives. Stop hanging out with people who make you feel shit and have a think about any re-training that you would like to do. Youngest DC goes to nursery in September and I have a new business launching, I will be customer facing when youngest is at nursery and doing as much behind the scene stuff as I can the rest if the time.