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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Original poster

Sahp lazy bf no break

17 replies

Babynumber2nmom · 09/08/2017 22:59

Hi just want a moan really . I'm a sahp my kids are with me 24/7 they come everywhere with me . My bf is a nightmare he don't do a thing all he does is constantly moan and tell me too do this and that it's driving me mad . I don't stop cleaning I have no life other then cleaning and kids . I love my children I'm happy too be with them . My bf has never even changed a bum gave a bottle . I do everything!! I just could do with a break sometimes but he just point blank refuses too have them . My family don't help either and since having kids my friends have all vanished I feel kind of lost 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Chuffingchuff · 10/08/2017 22:57

Have you explained how you feel to your boyfriend?

Original poster
Babynumber2nmom · 11/08/2017 01:14

Yea don't really make much difference feel stuck really like there's not much left for me too do x

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 11/08/2017 01:16

Have you tried getting up on a day he's off and saying oh I just need to pop out and leave him to have them? How old are they?

Original poster
Babynumber2nmom · 11/08/2017 12:35

Omg I couldn't do that too them there 2 and 3 months x

OP posts:
Original poster
Babynumber2nmom · 11/08/2017 12:35

I wish I could he needs something be he can't even make a bottle or use the microwave too steraliser one his a nightmare 😩🙄

OP posts:
2014newme · 11/08/2017 12:37

It's learned incompetence. He now needs to learn competence. Teach him. Write it all down. Then go out so he can practice. Do not have more kids if he can't parent the ones he has

SisterhoodisPowerful · 11/08/2017 12:39

He's feigning incompetence because he's a lazy, selfish arsehole. He's not going to change. Realistically, you have two choices: stay and do everything or leave him and have only 2 children instead of 3 to take care of.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/08/2017 18:47

So when was the last time you asked him to? What does he say when you ask him to change a bottle or make the dinner?
Agree its learned incompetence

Chillyegg · 11/08/2017 18:52

Leave him I'm a single mum it's much easier sometimes

bengalcat · 11/08/2017 18:59

Does he work ? Not that if he does he shouldn't give you some me time sometimes . Give the lazy f**r a kick up the bum - be explicit about what you'd like him to do .

wowbutter · 11/08/2017 19:11

Why are you putting up with this?
Do you want your children growing up mimicking this relationship, thinking this is acceptable?

My husband was sunless with babies, couldn't hold one, said he would never change nappies etc. After e birth I was very very unwell, and he was alone with the baby for its first three days at home. He had to learn. When I came home he still tried it in saying he couldn't stand nappies with poo in, and the carry on, retching etc when he did them, but I ignored it, and he stopped. And we now split everything.

The cleaning and household admin is another thing entirely, as he cleans really badly due to his eye sight, and cocks up the fences when he tries. But, baby stuff, he cracks on with. He had no choice.

wowbutter · 11/08/2017 19:11

Sunless? Christ I meant useless, but he probably was sunless too.

MrsDustyBusty · 11/08/2017 19:13

How many more children are you planning with this useless article? And why is he telling you what to do?

slushmucky · 16/08/2017 23:10

I had the same problem with my partner. He was so lazy, barely interacted with his children, barely lifted a finger with the house. Unlike your partner he was totally capable of housework. I threatened to leave him a fair few times, he would guilt trip me into taking him back. He'd be fine for a couple of weeks then he would go back to the way he was.

Then his mum became ill and he had to take care of her full time. So i let a lot of things slide. I think that situation made him grow-up a lot. Obviously you can't wait for something like that to happen.

I'm a stronger person now. He keeps throwing in snide comments to me like, how nothing had gotten done today, or how he doesn't want me to go back to work because the house would go to shit. He also reals things off to me that he wants me to do. I tell him to go to hell. This is my house. I'm the one who spends the most time in here. I'm the one who looks after it and the children that live here, if he doesn't like the job i'm doing then he knows where the door is. I don't take his shit any more and neither should you with your partner.

My partner does help out a lot more with the children now - except when it comes to sick or poo, but he has a really weak stomach and will throw up. I'm toilet training my dd at the moment and she did a poo on the potty, I was upstairs doing a puzzle with my ds and my partner went to deal with it. Next thing I know he's calling me downstairs to deal with it. I go. As I enter the downstairs toilet, he says 'I really have no idea how you do this'. It made me feel appreciated because after all that time of taking me for granted he was really starting to understand how hard my job is.

You need to find a way to make your partner realise just how special you really are to your family. You need to make him realise how the house and the family would just fall apart without you.

I don't have any friends much either by the way. I'm ok with that because by the time its time to go out for a night or something I'm always really tired and would prefer to stay in and read a book or have a bath or something. And during the day I find my days are so jam packed with the children and housework and errands I can never find time to have coffee with friends or anything. I'm where I want to be though and that makes me happy.

You need to kick his ass into gear though, seriously.

Good luck!

Original poster
Babynumber2nmom · 17/08/2017 22:38

Thankyou everyone it's just hard I want too be with him love him and all that but his just a nightmare when it comes too the house and kids . I thinks his old fashioned and actually thinks his right that's my job is kids and the house! Aww that's just what needs to happen slushmucky I just really would like too feel appreciated instead of whinged at these men really don't see how easy they have it do they! X

OP posts:
slushmucky · 17/08/2017 23:32

Nope they don't. It seems to be up to us women to show them just how easy they have it!

AhoyPirates · 21/08/2017 15:28

The fact that you think you couldn't leave a 2 year old and a 3 month old (unless breastfed) tells me that he will continue not to do anything.

What if, God forbid, you were poorly and ended up in hospital for a week? He would have to do it. You do it because you have no choice. You are letting him shirk his responsibility.

Go out for just a morning and leave him to it with a list he can tick off, ie so he knows when to feed them.

No one handed you a manual when your first child was born, you had to learn. Give him the opportunity to learn himself.

I say this as a SAHM of over a decade. I went away for weekends and left my very capable Dh with 2 children. He knew what to do because he was involved from day 1.

Start now, otherwise this will all fall to you all the time.

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