Is it for me?

[Heirhelp]

My DD is coming up to 6 months and I had planned to go back to work in April but I am dreading the thought of it and I am toying with the idea of being a sahp. Please tell me the good, the bad and the ugly and anything I need to consider.

Can you afford it? What does your partner think?

Yes we can afford it. DH would be happy with whatever I decided but he worries that I would be bored/isolated.

The reasons I wouldn't become are (1) I like the equality of us each having a share in the responsibility of domestic stuff and financial (2) I'd hate to try and re enter the workplace having been out of work completely for years (3) security for dh that if his job is taken we still have some money coming in.

Could you go part time?

I was made redundant and worked in a sector badly hit by the financial crisis just as I found out I was pregnant. So I didn't really make the choice.

I have been a sahp for 6 years - 2dc and I am just going back to work now. Not using my experience or qualifications to a min wage position.

I have loved being at home and unless I had gone back to my professional career there was no way I could make the finances work with childcare costs.

BUT - I now can't get back into my old profession ( was a hard enough without being out of it for 6yrs).

I would sometimes get stir crazy and everyday revolves around housework, child care etc. I kind of thought it would be all baking and crafting and coffee mornings with Boden clad model children!

I do not regret it but I have destroyed my career. I have lost me to some extent as I just feel a mother now. Money is very very tight and I agonize over every penny spent.

I am looking forwards to being a person and not just mummy. To start off I will be doing evenings and weekends so actually I will just be adding 20hrs to my already packed week but I can't wait.

In a few years I may retrain - no idea what yet. My husband is very supportive and has always been great but I have had enough of being a sahp now!

My priorities have changed and I don't mind that I am no longer a professional, it's all about work life balance and a bit more cash Would be nice!

Good luck with whatever you decide

I love being a SAHM. There are a few things that make it very enjoyable for me

• We aren't skint. I can go to a cafe whenever I chose, don't have to worry too much about shopping and bills, we can afford soft play etc. We can also afford for ds to go to pre school 2 mornings a week. We're by no means flush (we wouldn't be even if I worked-all of my cash would go on child care)but we can manage- not just without my salary but with the cost of being at home, increased fuell entertainment etc.
• Dp is 100% for me being at home. All money is joint money. Tbh we argue about cleaning but we did that before kids!
• It was a choice. I have always wanted to do this.
• I've made lots of friends with kids so feel that I have a good support network.
• I used to run my own business, I did ok but not big money. I'm not sure what I'll do we I go back to work but I wasn't walking away from professional qualifications that would date/lapse whilst I'm not working.

I love being with my children all day. I love that I've beenthere and seen all of their 'firsts' and am watching them learn. I find it very hard to say this either on here or in real life but I do feel that me being at home with them has been and is best for my children. They get complete consistency of care and so much variety in their days. There are downsides, there are with any set up, but it is worth it to us.

You both need to be very clear about the decision you are making.
Discuss and agree finances. Happy relationships where 1 parent is a sahp are usually where the wage earner's income and bonus is seen as joint and deductions made for bills/savings before each person gets equal disposable income. Asking for cash kills the love.
Agree equal free time. Make sure the wohp understands that time with a kid is working time. Judiciously plan weekends away on your own with no pre-preparations just to drive that message home if it looks like being forgotten!
Think about the financial effect to your career, future earning rights and pension. Be very clear about what you are giving up. Check with yourself every couple of months if the sacrifices are worth it if your DH was to leave you tomorrow. Hard hearted i know but you don't want to be left in the lurch in 10 years' time with everyone tutting at you for being stupid.

If you don't have access right now to the details about your DH's salary, pension, bank accounts, will, insurance etc then put it in place now.
Sorry that all sounds very hard hearted i know. Am Sahm for 8 years and very happy but very clear sighted about the pros and cons.

I didn't go back to work after DD1 was born and haven't looked back. I didn't really enjoy my job before and wasn't earning enough to make it worth my while going back when the majority of my salary would have gone on childcare. My partner earns enough for us to live comfortably so it was a no brainer for us. We have a joint bank account where my husband's wages are paid into and it's our money. It's very much considered that what I'm doing is work too, it's just not paid work, but it's saving us a lot of money in childcare costs so I never feel guilty about spending money. I love being at home with my daughters but it's hard work. Sometimes I think going to work would be a break! It's all cleaning, cooking, changing nappies and entertaining, you never get a break. So bear that in mind, it's not for everyone!

I am a SAHP to a nearly 2 year old DS and a 5 month old DS. And I love it. It is hard but so very rewarding. I couldn't imagine anyone else seeing my children's firsts. I was there for first steps/words for my eldest and heard my youngest's first babble. Could you maybe do part time that way you are getting the best of both worlds?