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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

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Original poster

Do you dread being ill?

24 replies

PicaK · 25/05/2015 09:17

I'm only talking about being temporarily blindsided by 'flu or a gastric bug. I know I don't have to worry about work deadlines etc (so lucky in one way) but got really irritated in dr's surgery when he asked "Do you work?" and I said no and he went "oh" in response. I felt like it mattered less that I was ill somehow.
Am I just feeling sorry for myself (blows snotty nose) or does it impact you too?
DH is lovely and brilliant btw but obviously I do most routine household stuff so it's hard for him to keep up if I'm not doing it. That's a practice thing not a disinclination thing. He always seems a little chagrined that it impacts on him too eg by having to leave work early occasionally.

OP posts:

OinkBalloon · 25/05/2015 09:33

It's only when I'm ill that I find being a SAHM much harder than being at 9-5 work. You can't throw a sickie when you're a SAHM!

It tends to take longer to get over an illness, but OTOH you discover that you are so much more capable than you would previously have thought.

Dh tends to step up to the mark when I'm poorly, but sometimes I have to spell it out for him.

OinkBalloon · 25/05/2015 09:35

BTW housework can wait, and beans on toast are a perfectly acceptable supper.

howabout · 25/05/2015 12:16

Being ill is bad and being confined to the house with sick DC is not much better. This is when your local SAHM network comes into its own. Unfortunately fellow SAHM are becoming fewer and fewer. Finally knew I had cracked it last time I was ill when DD1 and 2 were able to look after me and the house!

Don't rush getting back to normal or you will find yourself permanently run down. Much better to delegate as much as possible and let things slide until you are better imo.

Also imo your DH should be taking the opportunity to appreciate what you normally do for him and his DC rather than feeling put out.

Get better soon

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 25/05/2015 17:24

only if i'm so sick i have to be in hospital.

i'm lucky that both of mine are old enough to occupy themselves mostly, with the minimum input.

I do rely on my mum quite a bit when i'm very ill, and i have a couple of very good friends who help me with the school run if i can drag them to their house in the morning.. i've only been too ill to drive once that i can remember, and that was when i had kidney stones and was out of it on morphine!

OliveCane · 25/05/2015 17:26

Yes! I also dread holidays because it means you are out of routine, playgroups are shut, you expect a holiday but it's just actually more work!

I suppose it probably depends on how old the kids are too ...

Mrsfrumble · 26/05/2015 17:59

Yes! My children are 4 and 2 and we live abroad so no family nearby to help out. DH can't easily take time off work either, so I have to grit my teeth and deal with the very needy little people who have no empathy. I live in terror of proper flu or norovirus.

Patilla · 26/05/2015 18:42

Oh yes it's so much harder in my experience. If I was ill when I used to work part time at least there would be two nursery days when I could rest. Now I've got to be bad enough to ask DH to help, which he would, but comes out of a very low annual leave allowance. I generally only ask if me and one of the DC are vomiting as logistically that's tricky.
But I stay under the weather for much longer as a result.
January was a wash out for me as I was recovering from a lovely new years gift of flu.
Hope you feel better soon.

Hillijx · 27/05/2015 14:20

Yes, totally dread it!

Duckdeamon · 27/05/2015 16:43

The DHs need to step up without complaint here: if you WOH and the DC or childcarer were ill they would sometimes need to leave early or take time off (and often use a high proportion of annual leave to share childcare in school holidays), with a SAHP (barring serious illness) much less time off is needed overall.

howabout · 27/05/2015 16:51

Ideally yes Duckdeamon but not always possible if eg DH works away from home frequently. I think everyone should at least have thought about what the back up plan is, just in case.

maroonedwithfour · 27/05/2015 16:59

Yes dread it. It can be hell. Dh very reluctant to take time off.

Duckdeamon · 27/05/2015 17:31

it's possible to take time off (or organise some temporary help) more often than not, but IMO some DHs get used to the career perks (eg ability to travel, work overtime etc) that comes from someone else usually covering a lot of things at home and don't appreciate it sufficiently!

howabout · 27/05/2015 19:18

Would not argue with you on that Duckdeamon!

Puffthemagicfanjo · 27/05/2015 19:29

Yes! It's awful. Mine are one and three though, so I'm hopeful it will get easier.

I was actually glad to come down with the flu over Christmas when dp was around. All I could think (once I was recovered enough to think of anything other than wanting to die) was thank god this didn't happen last week.

It looks like I'm going to have to have my wisdom teeth out soon and I'm dreading it. I'm breastfeeding so I won't be able to take any decent painkillers either

Puffthemagicfanjo · 27/05/2015 19:32

I agree with the comments about dh's up to a point. Certainly if they are salaried. My dp is self-employed though - if he doesn't work we don't eat! He goes above and beyond when he is home but taking time off to cover for me could really only happen in the direst emergency.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 27/05/2015 19:33

I dread it more when I'm in work (on mat leave atm). If I'm sick while a sahm then it's rubbish but I can still mope around feeling sorry for myself in between looking after the kids. If I'm at work then I spend my time trying to figure out if it's worth calling in sick then feeling guilty while moping, feeling sorry for myself and looking after the kids. Therefore I'd rather be sick as a sahm than a wohm.

howabout · 27/05/2015 20:32

Pourquoi what do you normally do about childcare when you are WOH and would it not still be in place when you are sick, unless of course DC are also sick and then that is the worst of everything?

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 27/05/2015 20:51

When dc1 was 1 - 2 years old my mum looked after him but if Dh or I weren't in work then she wouldn't do it (beggars can't be argumentative when it comes to free childcare lol), but my mum died when ds was 2 and a half, and after that Dh and I worked opposite shifts as we couldn't find any other childcare.

When I'm back in work later this year, ds will be using breakfast and after school clubs most days and Dd in nursery, but I'm sure being ill with the school/nursery run to do will have its own challenges.

JaniceJoplin · 27/05/2015 20:58

I had a horrendous viral headache that lasted 4 days and would not respond to medication. I was looking after a 2 and 4 yr old. I eventually was given some sort of opiate painkiller that did nothing for my headache but sent me spiralling into some sort of dozy haze of which I can barely recall. It's such a killer when you have no one to give you a hand.

NighteyesLovesGingerbread · 30/05/2015 09:15

we had the whole family down with gastro in January - it was the most horrendous 2 weeks ever! thank the lord I have my parents close and they took the DC while DH and I got over the worst of it, they would have kept them longer but then they caught it too.

luckily for us my parents are close so if its just me that's ill they are on hand to help. and DH works locally with a family friendly company and if I call and say I need him home, he'll be home no problems.

and OP, if the doctor asks 'do you work' I never reply with just 'no', I always reply with 'I'm at home with 3 under 5' - I have never yet had a response other than 'well we need to get you better asap then don't we!'

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 30/05/2015 09:21

Yes, hate it. DD is 18 months and looking after/entertaining herself isn't really an option yet. And she doesn't sleep through the night and barely naps in the day. It's draining. When I was at work I could phone in sick and have a day in bed, or if it was less serious I would drag myself in and mope around feeling sorry for myself.
DH will help where he can but he can't cancel meetings last minute unless it's a dire emergency and we don't have any other family around to help.

BlackeyedSusan · 30/05/2015 18:03

I hate having to do the school run when I am ill when all I want to do is a slow start and let the meds kick in. the last week of half term was a killer as I was poorly with a cold/sore throat, sinnussy, dizzy etc. not fun driving twice a day. there is just me too so have to get on with it. I have yet to be so ill that I have not been able to look after the children though.

MrsPear · 31/05/2015 18:20

Absolutely dread it. It is carry on as normal. Boys are small and h cannot be relied on to step up. Thankfully apart from odd cold I am rarely ill.

Fizrim · 15/06/2015 09:59

This has been an issue for us in the last week. For a number of years, DH worked away Mon-Fri and still goes on long business trips occasionally (10 days long haul at least once this year). We have moved away from family for work.

Late last week, I was unexpectedly taken ill and have been in hospital for a week! DH has been able to arrange his day so that he could take DD to school/usual activities for which I am grateful, but I will be terrified the next time he is away! I do have a friend that would help but she'd just gone away on a few weeks holiday the day the solids hit the fan.

I will be putting backup plans into place next time he is away. I think I panicked because the person I always thought would be around in an emergency wasn't, and lots of other people have offered to help so I think I need to line 'em up.

It's the first time I've been away from DD and we both found it hard. My confidence has been dented a bit, I am trying to crack on and get back to normal but I'm still a bit weak and trying not to do too much.

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