Advice on moving to Tydd St Giles also how have other coped with moving away from adult children?

[ifitsnotmeoryouwhoisit]

Hi, has anyone got any advice on what Tydd St Giles is like to live in?
We want to know if it has a nice village feel, if it’s safe or rough, any big changes on the way and is it welcoming to new comers?
We have seen a house we love but are concerned about some of the stories about Wisbech, and its proximity being so close, we don’t know if this affects the village.

Our children have all flown the nest, so no need to worry about schools, and we both work full time from home so do not need to commute.

I am also seeking advice on how others have coped with moving away from adult children?
Our boys are all adults, all have partners and have bought their own houses. However they are all under 30 and the youngest only left home 11 months ago, we are a close family, and I love seeing them regularly, we also now have a grandchild which being part of his weekly life is a real privilege. But we cannot live the life we want where we are as it is too built up, the move would mean we would be 2 hours away from the kids, and the boys are about an hour away from each other.The boys are not concerned at all and want us just to do whatever we want to do, and my husband thinks the way I feel is ridiculous because 2 hours isn’t that far, and we can drive to visit at anytime we want. But I can’t help it, I feel riddled with guilt, like I’m letting them down, or they might secretly think I don’t want to be there with them or I won’t be on call to help at short notice. I have told them all how I feel, and they just think it’s silly, and say things like “don’t worry we will visit, we are men, you don’t need to hold our hands anymore” 🙄
I really do want to move, I just wish they could all come too.

Any advice would be really really appreciated.
Thank you in advance.

I don't know the area but I definitely wouldn't move away from my adult DC. We're within an hour's drive and I do regular childcare, but we also just catch up for coffees etc and can step in if there are emergencies. I'd understand if they chose to move further away but it's not something I'd choose to do.

Things I would consider - is this move permanent or just for a few years? If you wanted to move back nearer to your kids in the future will that be feasible or will you have been priced out of the market by then?

If a permanent move, what services are walkable in the village, ie Doctor, dentist, shops. Is there public transport to a bigger town or to facilitate you visiting your kids once you can’t drive.

Will you have enough space for your kids to stay over, especially if the number of grandchildren increases?

Wjat about friends? Are you the sort to join in and make friends easily or will you feel isolated and too dependent on each other? Is the village welcoming to newcomers?

As someone currently dealing with the consequences of elderly parents moving to a rural spot years ago and then not thinking about putting plans in place for their old age at all - this times a thousand.

We’ve just moved after our children have left home and these
are the things we made sure were in place.
Obviously a nice house with a decent sized garden, walking distance from a shop, doctors, dog walks, no steps up to front door, near bus route which goes to local decent sized hospital and a wide staircase that could accommodate a stair lift though hopefully not needed for many years yet.
Some of these may seem over the top but I’m a paramedic and have seen far too many people who moved in their 60s to a rural area and, 15 years later are trapped in a totally impractical house with steep unsafe stairs and no easy access to local amenities.
We are also still near our adult children, very important for dog sitting for us and feeding their cat!

My mum moved six hours away from me (and her grandchildren) and four from my brother. We weren't close, but I took it as a signal that she really didn't care about or have the slightest interest in us.

Only a year later, she had a massive disabling stroke which we had to manage from that distance and bring her back (to her fury) as it was impossible to support her from that distance. She couldn't even enter her tiny cottage in a remote hamlet, in a wheelchair.

Your relationships are clearly different, send you have a partner. But there are pitfalls and yes, a message.

Is there nowhere nearer that's not built up?

All very good points. We are only 44 so don’t really want to plan for retirement which is over 2 decades away yet, but as the move is intended to be permanent it is something to consider.

Yes the house is big enough for them to all stay at the same time, with grandchildren, depending on how many we eventually have, but my husband is a carpenter and could easily build lodges if needed.

One person said about going for coffees etc… which is the sort of thing I do with my daughter-in-laws but my sons are not into that sort of thing. We only do it about once a month and only weekends because we all work full time and spare time is limited, the move would actually give me more time to do these things, but I would drive to meet them. However not driving in the very distant future is something to think about, but I guess at that stage if it happens we could move again which may mean downsizing, but I wouldn’t want to burden them with looking after me at any point, and they all live an hour apart, which one would I choose, also being boys it will probably be down to how much available time their partners give them.
One of my sons moved 3 hours away a couple of years ago, although the house he owns is only 15 minutes away, and he rented that out, he then moved back to his house about a month ago, but prefers the north so said not to include him in my debating as he’s not staying put, however, he’s never been worried about the drive, and would visit frequently, even being 3 hours away he sometimes done spur of the moment and said all of a sudden “we’ll be coming over in 3 hours, see you soon”.

I see them at the weekend which means we spend 80% of our life somewhere we don’t want to be, for the few hours of visits at the weekend if everyone’s got time. I did have our grandson one day a week including overnight for the first 3 years, it had to be overnight because his father lives an hour away from me, which meant he had to be dropped off the evening before, but I had to take time off work to do it, and financially it was crippling, and when he went to nursery we had a lot of ground to make up, if I move I can take time off during school holidays to have grandchildren whenever needed, but staying where we are, I could not afford to take time off again and look after the next one when it comes along.

On another point made, the village has no amenities at all, not even a shop. But we don’t go to the shop that often now, most things are delivered. However, we do have the choice at the moment, I think we will be alright with it, but have never experienced it. We make friends easy but we don’t join groups, so meeting people could be difficult.

Its a hard decision to make, my life has been centred around my children for 26 years, but they are not children anymore, they are adult men, but I see them as my babies and I think I always will, I’m convinced they need me to be close, but they all laugh when I say things like that, as they tower above me nowadays.

thank you for you comments, they are helping me get clarity. 😁

In answer to more recent comments, the house if very adaptable for older living, and the land being Cambridgeshire is all very flat, but access to hospitals and other services, is extremely limited, bus services is also limited and may in the future get stopped. When our dog is looked after we pay a sitter, although it took me ages to find one I trust.

Massive concern of mine that the boys would think for even a second that I didn’t want to be near them, this is the thing causing me the most anxiety, but property more rural where we are would be more than 3x the price, and just not affordable for us.

Another thing to think about in a village is making friends. Some of my friends made a similar move. They are a lovely, warm, interesting, friendly couple but they struggled. As their daughter pointed out, everyone already had their friendship groups established. No one was ‘recruiting’ for new friends. They left after a couple of years as it was just too lonely.

You're younger than I imagined, so feel free to ignore my previous post!

Lol 😂 but we won’t always be younger than you imagined heehee 😉

I think the making friends bit is a very good point too, we work from home, so we do not meet anyone via work. My husband would happily not see another soul for the rest of his life and be quite content, but this would bother me.