Should stay or should go?

[currytime]

Dh and I live in the south, an hour from London. We have been talking for moving further north for a long time but never acted on the thought. I resisted while the kids were tiny bit now nearing the end of primary school the conversation is back on the table.

He's from north of Manchester and has wanted to move for a long time. He has no family or significant links there's anymore so we're looking for somewhere between the two.

However, I can't decide is we should just go for it, or if I should dig my heels in and say no.

I keep mulling over the following:

1: the house. We have a large, lovely house in a great location. Mortgage is big but we can afford it. But, if we move, we could get something stunning and be almost montage free having made a significant protest in the time we've lived here. We'd be looking for a nice sized village near a good market town of we went for it.

2: the kids. Is moving them now the right call? This is my biggest worry. So many advantages and disadvantages on both sides of staying and moving, I'm honestly spinning with it.

3: my financial independence. I earn well and have never been a stay at home parent, apart from Mat leave. This scare me a lot, to lose my financial independence, I've always had it. DH earns well and we wouldn't go without anything with a significantly reduced mortgage, too. I just feel a bit wobbly at the thought of losing that level of independence. I truest him completely, it's just how I was brought up.

Talking to estate agents in places we like, I'm learning that many people from the south east mare making the move.

What would you do? Bit the bullet and go for a completely different way of life and hope for the best? Or stay, keep the big investment of the house you have and the life you know?

GAH! I'm so torn. I want DH to be happy, he moved his world for me, albeit a long time ago now. Now I feel I should do the same for him, as it was never off the table.

What would you do? TIA x

Ps: so sorry for the awful and multiple typos,

I waited till kids at university

And we didn't move until we found an area we both felt was right - that process took a good few years

It also takes a good few years to make a new circle of friends - another reason to wait till kids grown as then you have time to spend on your needs

I would look at the jobs in the new area and consider it, better now than in 10 years.

Why can't you get a new job in your new location?

I have moved a great deal over the years & always found it easier when the kids were younger - you make alot of friends through them, standing watching football, collecting from activities etc.

I can get a job once settled there, but we've both agreed that the kids going straight into childcare before and after school from day one wouldn't be fair. I earn less so I'd take a break for 6 months to be for play dates, chatting at the school gate to meet other families etc

Don’t believe the estate agents.

if you do go, jump in with both feet. That means new job for you (this would be a deal breaker for me, not having a job as it gives you social exposure and income), your DH doing his share of childcare if you don’t want them in wraparound every day and so on. Look for a village with plenty of incomers, not something where anyone who moved in after the Doomsday book is still a newbie.

The move wouldn’t bother me as much as the regression to a SAHM- style life.

Mortgage free, or almost, would be a big draw.

If you and the kids are happy where you are, I’d stay.

Can your dh articulate exactly what he is looking to gain from the move? Just that you won't have a mortgage, or is it more about not wanting to be where you are / good memories of where he came from/ change of urban to rural?

Yea he can...

1. The mortgage free is the biggest draw. We love to travel and give the children these type of experiences. The move would give us plenty of financial freedom for this. We've made an huge profit in terms of value since living here and he sees selling as using this to our advantage. I keep thinking we should hold on to such an asset whist we can afford it.

1. Both being able to retire at 60, due to the mortgage situation.

1. The accent where we live now, DH has a broad northern accent and has a real issue with the kids picking up the estuary twang as they're getting older. I don't have it, my accent is more RP, or neutral. It's a petty issue, but it bothers him because they don't sound at all like him.

1. We live in a lovely little spot, but it's surrounded by areas in decline; especially the town centre. However, I am aware that this is happening everywhere with traditional town centers. He knows this too, but it's an annoyance and he worries it eventually impact the value of the house.

I’d like to move north but our kids are part way through secondary so a move won’t happen until they finish school. How do you feel about moving if you remove the mortgage free element? Do you like where you live? The issue about the accent seems very small and there’s no guarantee your kids would end up with an accent like your husband’s if you move north. I’d also be reluctant to leave my job.

best to move now before secondary. we moved london to dorset when i was in y6, and it was fine but would have been harder once in secondary. you didn't mention your own family, will it be near them?

My family are here; his are still at home for him, but we wouldn't move as far north as that; more of a middle ground.

Basically, we'd know no one and have no contacts there either; a completely new start for us all.

My mum is young and in good health so the distance doesn't worry me too much.

I wouldn't say I'm unhappy here, and the kids of course don't welcome change. But on the flip side, I would like to experience a different life style. Or is that just idealist?

posted In wrong thread.